What?

We have more on the inexplicably frenzied reaction of conservative bloggers to the very idea, the very notion, of the upcoming television series Commander-In-Chief, starring Geena Davis as a female president. Tennessee Guerilla Women and a blog called The Carpetbagger Report found the following gems from the conservative "blogsphere".

James Dobson's Focus on the Family, in its daily alert to supporters, said yesterday that Geena Davis's character name, Mackenzie Allen, "sounds remarkably, poetically like" Hillary Clinton

Um...okay, you know, speaking as a writer who has something of an ear for the swing of language...no. No, it doesn't.

"[T]his show is a nefarious plot to advance the notion of a Hillary Clinton presidency. The thought is that if we, the submoronic television viewers, get used to seeing a woman president on TV, we'll be more inclined to vote for one in 2008. This is what the TV industry thinks. They don't view us as being rational actors, able to vote for a President based on our own reasoning, but instead as sheep to be herded and trained."

Ah, see, now I start to see what this is. I ran into this once or twice when I was writing my essays about the West Wing books. There is a school of thought that cannot conceive of a writer for whom politics is not the primary motivating factor. And so, CIC creator Rod Lurie must be thinking not, "I want to tell some stories about a female president," but rather, "I want to make people vote the way I do!"

But if the people are not as easily led as all that, what's the problem?

Speaking of The West Wing...in October 2001, Playboy ran a group interview with the staff and cast of that show. When asked, "Why are Republicans less fun?" writer/creator Aaron Sorkin replied:

All I can tell you is that they are...I met with people in the Bush administration. I have never met a less funny group of people in my life. By God, they're not funny.

That's hard to believe when you read some of the suggestions the aforementioned macho boys of the Corner have come up with as alternate titles for a series about a female president.

Get ready to hold your sides.

THE BREAST WING [Warren Bell]

THE OVULAR OFFICE [Jonah Goldberg]

Can't beat it with a stick, can you?

Why is it I just know these guys don't watch Two And A Half Men because they object to the implication?

This is the funniest thing I've seen in weeks

Amanda Marcotte found a so-creepy it's funny article on another one of those "ex-gay" ministries. Herewith we have a few of the tips offered on how gay man can stay straight and true.

Responses are by a blogger named Anne Zooks (in italics), Amanda (in bold), and one or two other guest commentators (in regular text).

men need to become “hard and masculine” in order to be able to enjoy the soft, mushy feel of a woman. In order to become firmer it is all right for a man to work out a little bit, he said, just don’t work out too much.
Mushy? On behalf of non-oatmeal women everywhere, hey!

“A man should also have three years of celibacy,” he said, “and have been free of pornography and masturbation for some time.
The theory being, I guess, that after three years of celibacy, the gay man in question will be so horny that any human touch will do. And maybe that does work the first night of marriage, but good luck after that.

“What should be done if a man begins to have same-sex fantasies while making love to his wife?”
An eager participant in the audience said he and his wife pray whenever they make love.


Because if a woman doesn't arouse him, then I'm sure the thought of god watching him try to have awkward, un-satisfying sex with a woman will

physical intimacy should proceed slowly, and it is best to wait until marriage to experiment with deep kissing.

Annabel: How come we never experiment with deep kissing?
Keitha: Shut up.

Every time he thinks he's hit bottom, a hole opens

Poor Bush. Via Political Wire:

Bush Approval Drops Further
A new Gallup Poll finds a decline in President Bush's job approval rating to just 44%.

"The poll also shows a drop in Bush's favorable rating to 48%, which is the first time it has dropped below 50% since Gallup began tracking this opinion in 1999."

This is an administration in flames.

You know, if we actually had a...whadayacallit...opposition party, I'll bet they could take advantage of this.

Pity, really.

My man John Edwards is coming back

Damnit, I miss this guy. I mean yeah, he had the same albatross around his neck as John Kerry did when in comes to having voted for the war. But as a speaker, he made Kerry look sick...well, at least he helped.

I think I'd be happy to see him again on either end of a 2008 ticket--with Clark or Obama as VP, or running as Veep with Hillary.

And, of course, I still have the major hots for his daughter, Cate, the future first babe of the United States of America. Seen here (in the green), with John Kerry's daughters. Both of whom, I assure you, are looking at her and hating their parents.

I just wish I knew what Edwards' father had done for a living. You'd think that might have come up in the campaign.

Dick & George's Excellent Adventure

In Pandagon, Amanda Marcotte has one of her typically-excellent posts, this one responding to an article in Harper's on just how much people in our so-called "Christian" nation actually know about their professed religion.

From the article:

Only 40 percent of Americans can name more than four of the Ten Commandments, and a scant half can cite any of the four authors of the Gospels. Twelve percent believe Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife. This failure to recall the specifics of our Christian heritage may be further evidence of our nation’s educational decline, but it probably doesn’t matter all that much in spiritual or political terms. Here is a statistic that does matter: Three quarters of Americans believe the Bible teaches that “God helps those who help themselves.” That is, three out of four Americans believe that this uber-American idea, a notion at the core of our current individualist politics and culture, which was in fact uttered by Ben Franklin, actually appears in Holy Scripture. The thing is, not only is Franklin’s wisdom not biblical; it’s counter-biblical. Few ideas could be further from the gospel message, with its radical summons to love of neighbor.

And now, here's Amanda, proving once again why I think she's the hottest blogger on two legs.

we have an epidemic of false piety in this nation. It's real easy to go to church every weekend and sing loudly so everyone sees you and avoid actually thinking about what Jesus said and dealing with it. And into that vaccuum of actual knowledge of belief, it's easy to pour a bunch of angry bullshit about how god is sitting in heaven wringing his hands all the time and saying, "My god, why won't they stop fucking?"

Strong like an Amazon, baby

If you look over to the right there and click the View my complete profile link you'll find, among other things, a link to my Amazon.com Wish List. If you're amazed at the quality of posts on this site (I know I am), please consider making a small donation to the Buy Ben Those CDs He Can't Score Through The Ink 19 Gig Fund. I thank you.

Um...

Okay, so there's a new TV series coming this fall called Commander In Chief, in which Geena Davis will play the first female president. Now, I don't know how you feel about this, but I think it's got potential; Davis is certainly an attractive and talented actress with a pretty solid record. Series creator Rod Lurie has had a more mixed but still interesting career in films.

Certainly, it would seem to me, the most the prospect of such a series should arouse in anyone is either "that sounds cool, I look forward to giving it a try," or "nah, doesn't seem like something I would be interested in."

Sound good to everybody? Rational? Fine. Meanwhile, over in conservativeland, the macho men of The Corner are absolutely throwing a wingnutty. Armchair warrior Jonah Goldberg goes to great lengths to prove that:

The idea that a female liberal president would be more "feminine" than Bill Clinton is absurd, laughable, factually untrue. Bill Clinton was weepy, huggy and at all times pain-feeling. He'd wax eloquent on the glories of talk and empathy. At the end of one marathon meeting which accomplished nothing, he stretched out in his chair and said "That was great" as if he was about to light a cigarette. Feminists declared him the first female president. He talked of security not in the sense of blowing up terrorists but of leaving no children behind...And, sad to say, it was so successful that George W. Bush and Karl Rove copied it with their treacly "compassionate conservatism." It took 9/11 to remind George W. Bush why Republicans are called the Daddy Party.

Um...okay, can anybody...anybody at all...possibly find a flaw in his logic?

Like the fellow once said, ain't that a kick in the head?

Via Digby at Hullabaloo:

It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

The joke is that they're not kidding.

Kissing Jessica Stein

So here we are with Kissing Jessica Stein, the third in a trifecta of films that one person or another has suggested that my script, My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, reminds them of. So far this has left me feeling either embittered (my characters reminded them of that?) or arrogantly superior (fuck, my screenplay's better than that).

Kissing Jessica Stein is again, somewhat predictable, though not as much as Object Of my Affection. And more earnest than funny (though it is that in fits and starts). The truth is that there's really not much wrong with it. One or two of the triter scenes could have been replaced with more belivable dialogue, but how many films is that not true about?

(The answer? New Waterford Girl, which you have all called your video stores and put on hold, haven't you?)

It's just that it didn't sing to me the way great drama does. The way, picking something totally at random, Aaron Sorkin's best episodes of The West Wing do....the way I want my work to sing to people.

I'm also thinking about the fact that some feedback I got on my script recently said that "the dramatic shock value of the gays has decreased in the last decade."

Well, I'll tell you something. Not to make myself out to be "the noble heterosexual" or anything, but...I never made Keitha and Annabel gay for dramatic shock value. And if that's the only way I can "sell" them to even a quasi-mainsteam audience...maybe I don't want to do that.

Oh, Evelyn

Pierce Brosnan stars in this movie that he also co-produced, using some of the money and clout he has from being James Bond (I imagine mostly the clout). He plays an Irishman who almost loses his kids after his wife takes off.

It's all very Lifetime, with the twist being that it's a man saying "I want my babies back." And almost as sentimental as The Object of My Affection...but it works, and it's at least a diverting way to spend an hour and a half.

Memorable Presidential Quotes

"I cannot tell a lie."-George Washington

"We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..."-Thomas Jefferson

"You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time."

"I wish some of you would tell me the brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals."--Abraham Lincoln

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself..."

"Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan."--FDR

"The buck stops here."--Harry Truman

"Ich bin ein Berliner."--JFK

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."--Ronald Reagan

"The only time I ever hit two good balls is when I step on a rake."-- George W. Bush

Misguided optimism

Tennessee Guerilla Women found a couple of polls that say that

1. Not only has support for George W. Bush hit an all-time low, but
2. A majority of Americans support Roe v Wade and
3. They want Supreme Court nominee John Roberts to publicly state his position on abortion.

So you know what I'm thinking tonight? Go ahead, Mr. Bush. Keep fighting your manical "war on terror." Overturn Roe v Wade. Jam your far-right partisan hack onto the Supreme Court. All you're doing is just ensuring the fact that the backlash, when it comes, will last longer and longer and longer.

As I said, misguided optimism.

In a Good acting Company

Now, that's a lot more like it. I'd been meaning to see this film for a while--the ads made it seem promising and reviews praised the script. But somehow, with one thing and another, I only got around to it today.

"Charming" is a good word for it--not particuarly groundbreaking but a well-made film with a strong script. Excellent performances right down the line--besides the main three parts the roles are filled out by well cast character actors nearly top to bottom. Including a couple of unbilled cameos.

Dennis Quaid maybe hasn't always gotten the vehicles he should have as a young man, but he's aged into a wonderfully likable actor. And Topher Grace? Well, first of all, he still looks like Dave Foley's little brother to me. And I admit I resent him getting paid to make out with Laura Prepon on "That '70s Show." But I gotta give the boy props--he seems to have a good sense of humor about himself. And he can play comedy but also be real.

And I continue to be impressed with Scarlett Johanssen, after this and "Lost In Translation." She's got a really great face--not just beautiful, which she is, but interesting-given good material, she can be lumionious.

Oh, and no, no gay people--although there is a line about rumors that Johanssen's character is a lesbian. I just can't get away from them.

That's right.

Shut up, Keitha.

The Object Of My Aversion

Well, I'm 0 for two when it comes to seeing movies people tell me that my screenplay reminds them of. Some of you might remember my embittering experience with a film called Love And Human Remains.

The Object Of My Affection is a better movie, but not by a lot. Those of you who know me probably know that I can be a sentimental fool. I refer you to my recent list of favorite films. But this movie is almost overpoweringly sweet, like a too-strong perfume.

I felt at least three steps ahead of the screenplay at all times. This doesn't have to be a stake through the heart--if a movie is sufficiently funny, which this one is not. And the visual symbolism is about as subtle as the keyboard hook on Europe's "The Final Countdown."

For example, in the scene where Jennifer Aniston asks her gay male roommate to help raise her child, she does it when they're on a roller coaster. See, because they're about to embark a journey that has a lot of ups and downs. Everybody got that?

Aniston is actually fine when she's given enough to do, which she isn't often enough. So is most of the cast. However, given the pat nature of the script, it's unfortunate that so many of the actors are recognizable from sitcoms. Many of them good sitcoms, but sitcoms nevertheless.

(Meaningless, trivial observation: Both of the actors who played the brothers on the TV show Wings have now played gay men in movies--Tim Daly in this one, and Stephen Weber in Jeffrey, a film I adore.)

I hate to say it, but the finger of blame must point at the screenplay. I'm a fan of Wendy Wasserstein's The Heidi Chronicles, but fuck, my screenplay is better than this. I figure, in a movie, you can either show something or you can have people talk about it. Most of the books say it's better to show, but I'll stand up in defense of a good talking-about-it movie, Again, I refer you to my recent list of faves.

But to show something and then have people talk about it...that's just belaboring a point.

Ah, but there's good news tonight. One thing I salvaged from my viewing of Love And Human Remains was:

a good warning sign, or reminder, not to lumber my characters with unneccesary "plot points," like this movie which tosses a serial killer into the mix because...I dunno, somebody must have thought it was a good idea.

I've been getting some advice lately to "up the stakes" in my screenplay(s). My problem is, every time I try to think of ways to make the stakes "higher" it feels forced. And I write by basically deciding who is "on stage" and then listening to my characters. And Keitha & Annabel would tell you the stakes are quite high from where they're sitting! :-)

Anyway, to get back to The Object Of My Affection, I will say that the ending was another reinforcement of something I don't want to muck up my movies with. It makes sure you know that every single character's arc has a "feel-good" resolution. I like to leave a few things unresolved.

So, now on to Kissing Jessica Stein...well, probably not right now, I rented a couple of other films too that (as far as I know) don't even have any gay people in 'em...

Say!

Remember just over a week ago, when I said that Judge Roberts was a far-right, partisan hack? Well, to further back that up, here's a little info on his role in the 2000 recount.

strung out on heaven's high, hitting an all time low

Oh, this is good. Once again, luxuriate in Bush's incredible plummeting poll numbers. I suppose Democrats could take advantage of this, if only they weren't all made out of jelly. Remember to get those abortions in now, girls...but the good news is, we'll probably all be killed by a terrorist attack Bush spectacuarly failed to prevent anyway.

They've got to be kidding me

Apparently, a recent issue of Oprah's magazine has some advice for women on the ways of men (according to Pandagon). Now, my vast reading audience: Ladies, please tell me if the men to whom this advice seems to apply seems like anyone you would want to spend a hot night with. Gentlemen, same question in reverse--if the woman in your life thought so little of you...

(Gays and lesbians, redistribute as necessary)

PS: For bonus points, try to tell me which sex you think is being more insulted here. Being a guy, I'm gonna go with the men. See what you think.

Now, on to the valuable pieces of advice.

Don’t try to talk to him during football season.

Ok, so maybe my disbelief about this one is based on my almost total ignorance of sports, which is well-nigh legendary amongst my friends. But still: Really? In 2005 we still have that hang-up?

If he tries to cook, get out of the kitchen until it’s time to clean up.

Oh those darn men, puttering around with their pots and pans. Gosh, I love the little goofball.

Don’t be argumentative. Admire him for being tough. Shut up.

Yeah, that's a good idea. For god's sake, don't have opinions of your own but if you must, don't actually, you know, express them. And in the name of all that is holy, don't have anything to back up those opinions.

Somehow, I just know a Buffy fan came up with that rule.

Acquaint yourself with the career of Peyton Manning.

Yeah, I had to look it up, what's your point?

Meet every protest and argument he makes, no matter how ridiculously false, with the observation that he is absolutely correct...in boxing this is called rope-a-dope.

"Correct as usual, King Friday."

Rent a Steven Seagal movie.

Oh yes, do indeed, please. I heartily recommend "Hard To Kill," in which his unfortunate then wife, Kelly LeBrock, testifies to the massively overpowering size of his penis.

If the guy these pieces of advice are describing is the kind of guy I think he is, he'll love that part.

Accept that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is one of his favorite things.

I suppose I should be making a separate list about "things men are supposed to love that I just don't get." Okay, the swimsuit issue. I understand the premise. But...but you know, Playboy magazine has been on the stands for over 50 years.

And anyone with a computer has access to pictures of some of the most beautiful women in the world. Some of them, the same women who appear in the swimsuit issue. Only stark naked. And some video stores actually have entire shelves of the likes of Ginger Lynn performing certain acts that would make steam come out of John Ashcroft's ears.

I mean, so I've been told.

...anyway, to get back to my point, is the swimsuit issue really that big a deal for men over 17 anymore?

If you want him to fix the shower drip, whatever you do don’t nag; instead, remove the shower head, bring it to him and say “uh-oh, stupid me, I tried to fix it myself but now the drip is worse!” Then offer to bring him his power drill

.

Actually, this would probably work on me. Except, you'd have to replace the words "power drill" with "phone book" so I could call a plumber to fix the damn thing. Any woman who's ever dated me is gonna know that I don't have a power drill.

Wait a minute...

If you want to comfort your man, don’t try to soothe him with a home-baked pie; for the lovagod, tell him how powerful he is.

Actually, something in a lemon or key lime pie might be nice. Or you could just give us some kind of sex, that works too. Because, you know, we don't have...what are they called...feelings. No, we just want to get laid and fed and NEVER, EVER TO BE QUESTIONED YOU STUPID BITCH CUNT!

Sorry...but if magazine articles like these are to be believed, I have every right to act this way and no woman in my life should ever expect anything less.

Or better.

A small shame

I can't say that Danny Simon, the comedy writer who just passed away, was a big hero or influence of mine. But he turns up in a lot of books about television in the '50s and '60s, and those by or about his brother, Neil.

And so I have a real sense of his presence, if not his loss, if that makes any sense. Anyway, Mark Evanier has more, as well as a couple of the classic "Danny Simon stories."

It's the birthday of an American hero

Over on Cartoon Brew, Jerry Beck reminds us that:

65 years ago on this day, Warner Bros. released a Merrie Melodies short called A Wild Hare.

Happy birthday to one of the all-time greats.

A rant about...

Mark Evanier has one of his political rants--much shorter than usual--about a new poll saying that 51% of all Americans believe the Bush administration deliberately misled the public about whether Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.