If there was any chance of my watching The View, it's just gone to hell

Further: In the writings of Douglas Adams, there is made mention of The Worst Poet In The Universe.

The name of this character was changed to Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings after complaints by Paul Neil Milne Johnson, an ex-schoolfriend of Douglas Adams. [Who said of him:] "He used to write appaling stuff about dead swans in stagnant pools."

...as quoted in Don't Panic by Neil Gaiman.

We now have a challenger for her/his title. Rosie O'Donnell, who will shortly be joining The View, has penned an ode to her good fortune. A warning: It's probably best not to have eaten for a couple of hours before you follow that link, or to be planning to eat for a couple of hours after.

Come to think of it, this could be a smashing dietary aid.

Especially in gorgeous Technicolor

Psst...hey buddy, wanna see an animated cartoon? Thanks to the boys at Cartoon Brew, I discovered this blog that posts actual, entire cartoons (or sometimes just clips) from the 1940's.

I recommend the Fox & Grapes cartoon posted yesterday, directed by Frank Tashlin. Tashlin's career in animation also included a couple of my favorite wartime Porky and/or Daffy cartoons, like Plane Daffy ("Well, whadaya know-the little light-it stays on!"). He then became a live-action director of some of Bob Hope, Jerry Lewis, and Martin & Lewis' most acclaimed films (Artists and Models). He's also someone I wish there were a major biography of-in books by Peter Bogdanovich and Shawn Levy's bio of Lewis he comes off as an interesting and sympathetic character, but he's yet to have a bio to call his own.

But if you watch this one, remember one thing: Don't worry...he can't jump that high!

Draftee Daffy was also posted recently. It's not as good as Plane Daffy (IMO) but it's pretty durn good. Directed by Bob Clampett, who went on to create Beany & Cecil.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Or, "Cut To Ben Banging His Head Against The Computer Desk, Pt. III."

Okay, let's review what we know. I have these couple of characters, Keitha and Annabel, a lesbian couple. First they were in a play, then they were in a screenplay, now they're in a novel in progress.

I've put my heart and soul into them in a way that feels different to anything else I've ever written and often I think the results have been pretty cool. Actually, most of the time I think my characters are pretty cool, it's just much less frequent that I think the way I'm writing about them actually is. My characters are much cooler than I am.

But periodically I get these twinges of inferiority complex and insecurity (writers are nuts, in case you hadn't heard). Especially when movies come out that seem to be treading in the same area.

Like, say, a movie that I just heard about that's currently playing the gay & lesbian film festival circuit. Now granted, apart from being a lesbian love story, it doesn't appear to have much to do with my characters and their story.

Oh, except that the name is Loving Annabelle.

I just want to die...

Darn it, I was really kinda hoping Stick It might be good

First of all, because it really makes me feel good to see a film promoted as "from the writer of..." for obvious reasons. Second, Bring It On, written by Jessica Bendinger who also directed this new movie, was so much better than it probably needed to be.

Lesser movies would've just brought in the teenage cheerleaders, and called it a day. But it turned out to be a really funny comedy with just the right attitude about itself. It might be one of the only teen comedies of the last 15 years worthy of comparison to The Top High School Nostalgia Movies.

But, if the talismanic Tomatometer is anything to go by, Stick It is a "Wait-for-the-dvd-if-there-are-any-interesting-bonus-features, otherwise-cable"

Ah well.

Hold the phone, Murray, I'm in love again

The Chicago Reader has a profile of Kos blogger "Georgia10", who I've noticed seems to be one of the KBs to which I most often link, but about whom I knew little else. She has a real eye and a good memory for information.

Oh, and she looks like this:

THE WOMAN who might be Chicago's most-read political writer doesn't have an office. On most days Georgia Logothetis, 23, is either at home in the same Rogers Park three-flat where she lives with her parents or at DePaul University's downtown campus. About four or five times a day, taking a break from constitutional law homework or prepping for a mootcourt trial, she'll type a righteously indignant rant clobbering the Republican Party on Iraq, warrantless spying, and the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal. Then she'll post it, under the screen name Georgia10, on the front page of liberal blog Daily Kos (dailykos.com), which gets between 400,000 and 800,000 unique visitors daily. The Tribune's daily circulation, just for some context, is about 586,000; its Web site gets a little over three million unique visitors per month, which averages out to around 100,000 a day. (The Tribune won't release stats on how many visitors its blogs or news columnists get.)

LOGOTHETIS DOESN'T tell people about her life as a blogger because she tends to think of it as a dorky hobby--being a Daily Kos celebrity, to her mind, is like being the best origami artist in the midwest or an internationally renowned collector of 50s lunch boxes. "I don't shout it from the rooftops," she says. "To tell you the truth, not a lot of people are interested in politics. If they don't check the site or aren't interested in politics, I don't go out of my way to say, 'Look, I'm a frontpager on Daily Kos.'"

Be still my heart.

From XYZ to Women III

...which is actually the lyric to an OMD song that has little to do with anything here, but I couldn't think of a headline for this alphabetically inclined Meme, which I scooped up at Shakes' place...

Accent: So far as I'm concerned, I don't have one, but I amuse myself by imagining people who don't live on the West Coast might say I have a Californian one (which means like Pauly Shore). I also sometimes hear myself slipping into an English accent, but that's just the result of too many Monty Python records.

Booze: Rarely, but when I do I'm the cheapest drunk in the world. I'm so lightweight I enjoy Coronas and wine coolers.

Chore I Hate: If you'd ever seen my apartment, you wouldn't need to ask that question.

Dog or Cat: Cat. I enjoy playing with other people's dogs, though, if they're happy.

Essential Electronics: Computer; DVD player, TV, CD/casette player.

Favorite Cologne: Don’t wear any.

Gold or Silver: Gold. By Spandau Ballet.

Hometown: I lived up and down the Silicon Valley the first 25 years of my life, but I consider Palo Alto my hometown.

Insomnia: Yes, but I take pills.

Job Title: Writer, unless by job you mean something that somebody actually pays me to do.

Kids: None, but I'm babysitting my "common-law stepnephew" (long story) this weekend, which I'm a little but nervous about, actually.

Living Arrangements: Upstairs apartment with two cats.

Most Admirable Traits: Wit. Enthusiasm.

Number of Sexual Partners: 11.

Overnight Hospital Stays: None since I was born. Oh, unless you count the week I spent in the mental ward (also, a long story).

Phobias: Spiders. I saw Tarantula at a bad age.

Quote: "A mind is like a parachute...if you don't pack it right, it'll fail to work properly, and you'll plummet to your violent, bloody death."

Religion: None organized. I would descibe myself as an agnostic who leans towards beliving, but has such disdain for almost all of those who call themselves religious that I would sooner be dropped into a pit of spiders than align myself with them.

Siblings: None, except for two big sisters I created for my stage play/screenplays/novel in progress...

Time I Wake Up: Usually before 10.

Unusual Talent or Skill: =)

Vegetable I Love: Actually, I enjoy the celery. It's all Peter Davison's fault. And carrots, for which we can blame Bugs Bunny.

Worst Habit: Near-toxic cynicism.

X-Rays: Of my teeth, too often.

Yummy Foods I Make: I don't "make" foods, I'm a cliched bachelor in that respect. I do, however, pour a mean bowl of cereal (I could live on Special K).

Zodiac Sign: Virgo, but it means nothing...I refer you to the number "11" above.

Suspect's Face Blurred

...but what about the horse, who still has to face his friends?

Detectives in St. Gabriel, Louisiana arrested a male juvenile Thursday morning, and charged him with crime against nature in connection with alleged acts of bestiality with a horse.

Detectives say they received a tip from someone who saw a WAFB 9NEWS report in which still frames from a surveillance tape were broadcast Wednesday night. The tipster said they believed they recognized the young man shown on the tape, detectives said.

St. Gabriel Police Chief Kevin Ambeau says in all his 20 years in law enforcement, he’s never come across a case like the one. "We gotta catch this guy, he needs help," Ambeau said Wednesday, when he first released the tape to the media.

"Always [going] to the same animal," Ambeau observed. "On the tape, he was [going] to the same animal performing sexual acts."

Well, at least he's faithful...he's not out there playing the ponies, so to speak.

They had to say "go down," didn't they?

So...what with:

• Cheney continually embarassing the White House
• Protesters keeping Bush from making appointments
• Jenna and Barbara whining like babies
• Bush's performance approval rating down to 32%
• A majority of the military wanting Rumsfeld replaced
• And censure or even impeachment seeming like a real possibility

...seems like it's been a pretty good week for the Doves, doesn't it?

But, I know what you're saying. You're saying, if only there was an actual, honest to god Republican sex-for-favors scandal.

Well, guess what.

There's an actual honest to god Republican sex-for-favors scandal.

But, I know what you're saying, again: If only The Watergate Hotel were involved.

Well, guess what.

The Watergate Hotel is involved.

About five months ago, the San Diego Union-Tribune reported that lobbyist Brent Wilkes (co-conspirator #1 in the Duke Cunningham scanal) knew how to "grease the wheels" of Congress with cash, gifts, favors, and yes, "hospitality suites":

Wilkes befriended other legislators, too. He ran a hospitality suite, with several bedrooms, in Washington - first in the Watergate Hotel and then in the Westin Grand near Capitol Hill.

Ken Silverstein at Harper's blog dropped a bombshell last night about just how far-reaching the scandal may be, revealing that the FBI is investigating former lawmakers, including "one person who now holds a powerful intelligence post." TPM Muckraker points out that CIA Director Porter Goss fits that description perfectly. Silverstein also disclosed that there are pictures.

And let us not forget that, at this point, it is a Republican sex scandal. Porter Goss, if you'll recall, was a highly partisan Republican lawmaker for fifteen years before he was tapped as CIA Director. And Justin Rood over at TPM Muckraker thinks that the prostitution ring could lasted about fifteen years.

Is the CIA Director involved in a D.C. prostitution ring? (It's so surreal just to type that question out). In refusing to investigate the CIA leak case, Goss famously proclaimed "Somebody sends me a blue dress and some DNA, I'll have an investigation."

...one thing is certain, as evidence comes to light, this scandal is going to be blown wide open, and there's no telling who or how many Republicans will go down.

Is it my birthday?

Source: Daily Kos.

Bless me father for I have sinned

...It's been over eight months since my last confession, when I said:

I don't give a ratfucking piss about the Rolling Stones. And I'm going to go that one further: Nobody gives a ratfucking piss about the Rolling Stones. Except boomers desperate to cling to the illusion that the bands they liked when they were in college, and therefore themselves, are still relevant.

That was written when there was this bullshit tempest in a teapot about the "jab" the Stones were taking at the Bush administration on their new album...and the blogs were all atwitter and CNN was all abuzz.

I said:

It's a publicity stunt, you idiots. It's another Rolling Stones album that you won't be able to name one song off of by the time their next album comes out.

Just checking in: I imagine one or two of you may have bought that album. From memory, can you name me one song off it? Ah-hah.

Now we come to Neil Young. Look, I got no quarrel with Neil Young. By and large it's not my type of music-although I have enjoyed some of his songs more when covered by other artists, like Saint Etienne's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart". I like some of the CSNY material, including the underrated "American Dream" single. And I admire the attitude behind Trans (more than I admire the actual music).

So this isn't about him being anything other than a gifted songwriter and for all I know a swell guy. But recent history is repeating. He's got a new album coming out that expresses a bit of picque at Washington, and once again, the world press is beside itself.

They're quite dizzy with anticipation, because they believe Neil Young is The Great Truth-Teller Who Will Set Everything Right With His Urgent, Burning Guitar Lines And Scathing Lyrics.

I believe there will be a burble of interest among people who already believe themselves to be fierce, commited critics of the Bush administration and think the best way to express that is with the drug of their choice and a little rock n' roll.

Real life will resume the next day, and this lyric will still suck. Perhaps you remember a few weeks ago, when I said,

I don't like 98% or so of all political songs, on a purely asthetic basis. For me, they sacrifice emotion for stridency.

in reference to Pink's "Dear Mr. President," which I was citing as an exception that tests the rule. But Young's "Let's Impeach the President" reads like a National Lampoon parody of the kinds of songs I was talking about.

But even if it didn't, to pretend that this is a meaningful event on any sociopolitcal or artistic level is just the wishful thinking of a lot of boomers who had their chance to make the world a better place, and decided to vote for Reagan, and blindly support the "war on terror," instead.

Now, they look back on a time when gosh darn it, they were half a million strong.

Everyone has got their character

I'm stealing this from Shakespeare's Sister, where the question of the Day is:

Who are your most beloved characters from works of film fiction (not based on written works)?

Here's who comes to mind-as ever, this is not an ordered list:

Jane and Aaron, Broadcast News.
Newt, Aliens. And Ripley, but only as she appears in the first two films.
Nick (the William Hurt character), The Big Chill.
Parry, The Fisher King.
Louis (the Michael J. Fox character), The American President
Nick Stark, It's My Party
The Iron Giant, The Iron Giant
Lou, New Waterford Girl
Krush, Finding Nemo
Syd, Ice Age

Mystery talentless hack theatre 3000

As a rule, I don't write too many posts about Ann Coulter. It's like fencing with a cream puff. But today, I found a couple of posts...that are just too much fun not to pass on to y'all.

First, here's a lengthy but laugh-filled post by Al Franken, describing An Evening With Ann Coulter.

Then, via Pharyngula, here's a description of the contents of Coulter's latest book.

Enjoy.

It's really really scary in the deep dark woods

How Skary is YOUR journal?

That's as good an explaination as any for one of my favorite TV shows

You Are Boston

Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots. Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best. And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

But...Arrrrgh! New Kids on the Block?

Suckers.

Your Quirk Factor: 57%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

To victory go the Swift

We've heard recently from one or two Christian folk who feel their beliefs have made them the target of disrespect. I have to admit, I have been skeptical in the past. But now, via Shakespeare's Sister, comes this real and really distressing information.

Three-quarters of students surveyed across America said that over the past year they heard derogatory remarks such as "Jesus freak" or "Bible basher" frequently or often at school, and nearly nine out of ten reported hearing "that's so Christian" or "you're so Christian" - meaning stupid or worthless - frequently or often.

...The study also showed that bullying has had a negative impact on learning. Christian students were five times more likely to report having skipped school in the last month because of safety concerns than the general population of students...In addition, the average GPA for Christian students who were frequently physically harassed was half a grade lower than that of Christian students experiencing less harassment.

Shakes then adds her own comment:

This, of course, is total bullshit. It’s an article about gay students that I changed to make this point to conservative homobigot Christians who constantly whine about being persecuted: Shut the fuck up, you moany cunts!

Emphasis hers, but I sympathize.

But [homobigot Christians] are dinosaurs, and one day they will be extinct—and we will collect their bones and put them in a museum and tell our grandchildren about the freaks who once thought that the LGBT community didn’t deserve to be our equals. Our grandchildren will laugh and shake their heads...

All the best cults are sex-based

As you may know, Plan B is a form of contraception. It is not an abortive. Nevertheless, the FDA is desperate to block its over-the-counter sale, to "protect" young women from this additional route to avoiding unwanted pregnancy. Which has the additional effect of reducing the number of abortions, but don't tell them that. Logic and consistency only makes the heads hurt of those whose brains have been addled by the holy spirit.

What's their excuse this time? Well, as I seem to be saying far too often lately, I am absolutely not making this up. Via Daily Kos:

According to Newsday, the Center for Reproductive Rights will grill FDA brass about the "wacky" worries of deputy operations commissioner Dr. Janet Woodcock:

Simon Heller, one of the attorneys, plans to quiz Woodcock on a March 23, 2004, staff memo suggesting she was concerned Plan B might lead to teenage promiscuity.

The FDA is only supposed to consider the safety and efficacy of drugs.

In the memo released by the FDA, Dr. Curtis Rosebraugh, an agency medical officer, wrote: "As an example, she [Woodcock] stated that we could not anticipate, or prevent extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an 'urban legend' status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B."

And that's a woman speaking.

Now and then we wonder who the real men are

I do some talking-much of it tongue-in-cheek, but some of it serious-around here about, for lack of better words, "girlishness" and "boyishness." It's something that's important to me on many levels and in many ways.

In my entertainment, I like smart, headstrong female characters (see: Hermione in the Potter movies). I also like these qualities in my friends and lovers. I hope those of you who've been reading this blog for a while would agree that my liking for those qualities is reflected in many of the posts in it.

Of course, they're also what I like to write, and have always liked to write, in my female characters. Something that I really like about writing Keitha, Annabel and Colley is that to different degrees, all of them are about the masculine in the feminine, and vice-versa.

As I discussed recently, one of my favorite television shows is Gilmore Girls, and Amy Sherman-Palladino one of my favorite television writers (going back to Roseanne). Lisa is my favorite Simpson. Like everybody else in America, I'm in love with Chloe on 24.

Yet as we've seen, I also bristle at the notion, seemingly held by some, that having a vagina automatically makes one better than having a penis. Related to this is what I perceive as an implication that no woman has ever hurt a man, men have only hurt women.

I'm here to tell ya: It ain't necessarily so. In my life, no men have ever hurt me the way some women have.

Also, I dislike what I see as a victimization of feminism. Where on the one hand women claim to want to fight their own battles and take on men on their own terms. Yet too many of 'em can't wait to run to daddy when the going gets tough.

Please note I am not speaking of "all" or even "most," simply, "too many."

I am a straight, single man, with all (or at least much) that that implies. For instance, I can't see that a woman posing for Playboy, for example, is an inherently oppresive (or do I mean oppresed?) act. I'm not saying I think it's a freeing act either, as some might argue. I think a nude woman is a nude woman, and any political context is in the eye of the beholder.

I think Holly Hunter is one of the best actresses around, and one of the smartest in her choice of roles. I also think she's a babe, and have enjoyed her nude scenes on that basis. Must these be opposing views?

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late): What all this is in aid of is that Echidine has a good entry in her blog on masculinity and femininity, and how we define them. I think you should go read it.

Now I'll leave you with this song by Joe Jackson...

That sound you may have heard between eight and nine PM (Pacific time) last night...

...was the sound of a few million "Gimore Girls" fans sitting in judgement. You see, not only was last night's the first episode to air since we learned that series creator Amy Sherman-Palladino is leaving the series along with her husband, it was written by the person who's replacing her as showrunner, David Rosenthal.

Now: Far be it from me to say that a man can't write something girly as "Gilmore Girls," which is the girliest thing I've ever liked (and I've liked some girly things). Though an investigation revealed some...curious...things about Rosenthal.

Like that he once quit a job and divorced his wife so he could write a play about his obsessive desire to have sex with Heidi Klum. But hey, we've all been there, right?

Admitting upfront that knowing what I know about the future of the series undoubtedly colored my perceptions of this episode, I have to say: For the first time in memory, last night I saw characters on "The Gilmore Girls" doing things that made me say "No. No, that character would never do that."

This does not bode well.

I know I can't be the only one thinking...

Wait-Charlie Sheen has a children's clothing line?

Charlie Sheen is convinced his estranged wife timed her latest legal attack on his character in a bitter attempt to sabotage his new children's clothing line, Sheen Kidz.

The actor has gone public with his angry feelings about Denise Richards' latest bid for a restraining order, which she won on Friday (21APR06) - and he's certain the former Bond girl had an agenda in mind.

He fumes, "It happened on a Friday and the kids clothing thing is launching on Saturday. Coincidence? We think not.

"I'm launching Sheen Kidz and my kids aren't here."

Via OhNoTheyDidn't.

What fool thought that was a good idea? I mean, not even getting in the middle of the couples legal machinations, Sheen's image was not that good to begin with. I hate to say it because I think the world of his father as an actor (and, insofar as I can tell, as a man), but...

You think Charlie Sheen, you think illegal drugs, ilicit sex that reportedly included paying hookers to dress up like cheerleaders, and porn star ex-girlfriends (including Ginger Lynn, who the sorry freak let get away).

Yes, that just screams out "should have clothes for sale at Toys R Us", doesn't it?

I stand corrected

This is the gayest thing I've ever seen.