Ben Loves Podcasts III

Doug Loves Movies

The Doug of the title is comic Doug Benson, and this is half talk show; half game show. The talk is just about what movies he and his guests have seen recently, and the game is what's called "The Leonard Maltin Game."

This consists of him reading an entry from the Maltin movie guide (leaving out anything that gives away the title). Then the contestants--show guests who play for someone in the audience that they select--"bet" on how few names from the cast list, starting from the bottom, they need to hear before naming the movie. If this game were played for some real money, I could clean up.

I fear I've made this sound a whole lot heavier than it is. Benson makes no secret of his regular marijuana usage (and I have just proven myself a master of understatement) and, at least partly as a result, his attitude towards his hosting duties can perhaps best be described as...relaxed.

Recommended episodes: John Lithgow, Jonathan Lipnicki, Sarah Silverman and Greg Behrendt, Kevin Pollak & Dave Foley.

Who Charted?

This agreeable if inconsequential podcast looks at the music and movie charts with the help of a guest, and there's usually a special chart or two just for them. Recommended episodes: Sarah Silverman and Aimee Mann.

Battleship Pretension

BP probably does the best job of bringing on guests you haven't already heard on every single other podcast. Even if you like Marc Maron and Paul F. Tompkins, and I do (especially Maron), there comes a time when you start to wonder if they have to be on every show every week.

What Battleship Pretension does the worst job of, however, is labeling their episodes for their subscribers on iTunes. See, when I go to the WTF section of my "sync podcasts" page, I can see at a glance that episode 203 is Carol Leifer, 202 is Jimmy Schubert, 197 is Andrew Dice Clay and his son. In the Battleship Pretension section, all I get is numbers: 231, 230, 229, 228. I wish they'd fix that.

But anyway, recommended episode: 221 with Susan Burke. I had never heard (or heard of) Burke before, but it's a good conversation, and on a semi-personal note I was especially taken with Burke's speaking voice. After hearing this episode I "Facebooked" her to say I thought she should do audiobooks.

More podcasts

Making It with Riki Lindhome

Lindhome is the Garfunkel in Garfunkel and Oates, the singing-songwriting team all the nerds have crushes on and I am no exception.



She's also an actress whose films have ranged from two with Clint Eastwood to the Last House on the Left remake, and worked in the theater with Tim Robbins' Actors Gang.

The idea of her podcast is to talk to other people who, like her, have basically "made it" (get the pun of the title now?) in the business they call show. Not your Emma Stones necessarily in terms of fame, but people who are at the very least financially secure from their work.

She's trying (I think) to give as gloss-free a look as possible at the process of getting there; they're fun conversations on which to "eavesdrop."

Recommended episodes: Diora Baird and Lindhome talk candidly about being good-looking women in Hollywood, and it's actually a lot more interesting than I just made it sound. And my favorite Terminator-turned-supercomputer/sociopathic, human trafficking and murdering villain, Garret Dillahunt.

The Nerdist

This is a chat show about, as the title suggests, nerdy things. However, since host Chris Hardwick uses the definition of "nerd" as-

"A person who is intensely interested in a particular hobby or topic."

-he casts a wider net than you might imagine. SF TV shows, more mainstream fare, comic-books, comic-book movies; comedy and comedians are all subjects worthy of nerding out over on this show (among others).

When Hardwick and sidekicks Jonah Ray and Matt Mira don't have guests they do what they call "Hostful Podcasts," which is just the three of them talking. These can be fun and informative, but the best shows hands down are those with the guests, especially if those guests have some relationship with one or more of the hosts.

For example, possibly the episode to which I've re-listened most often features geek god Wil Wheaton, whose friendship with Hardwick spans two decades; that history can be heard in the way they talk to each other.

That episode, like all of those I would choose as the "best of the best," was recorded live before an audience. The hosts and their guests universally seem to do better with an audience to play to.

Another recommendation, but only if you're already a fan, is the special Doctor Who episode they did for the premiere of that series' season six. Hardwick is arguably the best known Who fan in America...at least as far as the contemporary version is concerned. When it comes to the original; classic series his knowledge is a little more shaky.

Which is why he gets taken to school in the episode featuring his only rival for most famous US Dr. Who fan, Late Late Show host and all around cool guy Craig Ferguson.

WTF with Marc Maron

Odds are even if you don't listen to many (or any) podcasts, you've heard of this one. Maron is the current face of podcasting, having taken over the role from Ricky Gervais. His experience working in radio no doubt helps the professional sound, but the biggest rocks in his pack are his neurosis and ability to articulate same.

As with The Nerdist, the very best episodes are those whose guests have some history with Maron; since he's a 20-plus year veteran of stand-up, that's almost everyone. But in Maron's case, however, there's a running gag in the number of guests to whom he has to apologize at least once during the show, usually for having acted like a dick to them in some previous meeting.

As a recommended episode, I'm going to suggest you start with the recent 200th, even though it's atypical. For this Maron turns the tables on himself and is interviewed by New York City comedian Mike Birbiglia.

Basically, if Marc isn't for you, his podcast won't be either, and an hour and a half of him talking about himself should be enough to tell you if he's for you. Besides, he certainly has a history with that guest. As a bonus, there's a closing montage of "greatest hits" from the first 199 episodes.

To be continued...

A Continuing Guide to Podcasts, pt. One (EDITED WITH ADDITION)

So I was thinking that I'd like to write a little about some of the podcasts I've been listening to lately. Some are quite well-known, others...less so. As usual with me with this kind of thing, there's no great significance to the order, but let's start with:

So I Married A Movie Geek

Just as the name suggests, the premise of this podcast is that in a married couple, Krissy & Justin, the husband is trying to teach his wife the error of her ways for having missed so many films. The couple watch a couple a week, usually that complement each other in some way, and talk about them. Sometimes I question their taste, but it's usually fun.

Recommended Episode: 13-The Blue Lagoon

Offstage w/ Christian Polanco

I subscribed to this 'cast immediately after hearing one episode--this one. It's a kind of podcast I'd been hoping for, one with honest, real exchanges and talk about relationships. It's surprising how intimate one or two of his guests are willing to be--or maybe not, since they tend to be performers, who in turn tend to have exhibitionist streaks.

PRI: The Sound of Young America

This easygoing interview program also airs (in an expurgated form) on some public radio stations--PRI stands for "Public Radio International." Also, they chose my favorite soundbyte from Evil Dead to play with the Bruce Campbell interview.

SYA host Jesse Thorn also co-hosts a podcast called Jordan, Jesse GO! This is as close to indistinguishable from SYA as makes no odds, save for the presence of co-host Jordan Morris. (I'd imagine that like the parents of twins, they could tell me lots of differences between the two, but to this outsider...)

ETA: One thing JJG does have to distinguish it from the SYA is this theme song:



To be continued.

Playing Dragon Poker

What would you say were the odds of my finding a pop song at random (like, it was on the internet radio on a page I visited) and thinking it was pretty cool? Those odds have got to be good, right? Pop music is one of those things which I enjoy to the fullest.

But plus to that my then finding some YouTuber has made a video for it (and uploaded it today) featuring another of those things which I enjoy to the fullest. Namely, dragons? Surely those things make it just a little bit more unlikely, right? What if it also had art from the deviantart site, yet, from which I've posted images?

Well then, I think we can only draw one conclusion: I was meant to find that song and this video today, and post it here. If you want to trifle with the will of the universe you can just scroll on right past, but I wouldn't, if I were you.

(BTW, there are one or two tastefully depicted portrayals of dragon-on-dragon sex)

Sentences that should've been rephrased

Christine O'Donnell walked off the set of her interview with Piers Morgan after he probed her

Nothing to see here, folks, move along, step lively

So it seems that this 18-year-old girl in Australia was found with what was purported to be a "booby trap" type of device around her neck. After the police force, working with experts, were able to remove the collar, it was found to have been a hoax.

Now...I will not voice any suspicions at this time as to whether the young lady's tale of how she got into the collar was the truth.

But I'm not the only one who, on seeing this story, was reminded of a certain third film in the thrilling (mostly) Saw series.

The terror echoes the plot of the 2006 horror movie Saw III in which a madman fits a collar of shotgun cartridges round a pretty victim's neck.

Technically, a madwoman fits the shotgun cartridges round her neck.

More interestingly:

Prime Minister Julia Gillard has likened the ordeal to "a Hollywood script". She said it's "the kind of thing you would see at the cinema or on TV. You would never expect it to happen in real life in Australia".

Well, yeah...if you forget that Saw was created and Saw III was written by two Australians (Leigh Whannell and James Wan).

Let's not be so quick to blame Hollywood for the mad things in art that mad people try to make live, m'kay?

Why would she do this to me, that's all.

I just want to know why she'd do this to me. Why would who do what?

Why would Jane Wiedlin, at whose hotness I once fell at her feet.



Why would she sacrifice her signature Joan of Arc cut to go bleach blonde?

Why, that's all.

So go figure.

In the first 10 minutes of this WTF with Marc Maron podcast, Maron reads some e-mails. One of them is from me. He doesn't read my name--although oddly, one of the others whose name he does read (bastard) is Ben, too.

Whether by process of elimination or because you recognize my style, you'll probably know which one is mine, should you care to listen.

Again indulging that occasional habit of Amazon reviewing

Talking to Girls About Duran Duran, by Rob Sheffield.

It's time for the annual try

And now, four completely unrelated matters.

1. Tuesday, September First, will be my birthday.

2. iTunes sells gift certificates; I have a Wish List there.

3. I also have an Amazon Wishlist.

4. All together, every single Saw movie on said Amazon Wishlist combined could be had for like, $16 (not including shipping).

Good day. Thank you for your time.

A New Feature

You in my vast reading audience are familiar by now with the fun I like to have with headlines. "Headlines That Should Have Been Rephrased;" "Great Headlines in Journalism," and the like.

I'm proud now to introduce a new series, which I intend to call: Headlines That Could've been a Lot Funnier, with a Little Rewriting.

Case in point:

Rick Santorum Unleashes on Rick Perry for Gay Marriage Stance

Now, if they'd just gone for the word "Unloads"...

I'm beginning to think John Boehner may not be the wisest of men

Hello. If you follow the doings in our government, you may remember this incident a few months ago:

House Speaker John Boehner (R., Ohio) said Thursday that he would not agree to another temporary extension of federal government funding at current levels, upping the stakes in the debate over federal spending.

“Read my lips: We’re going to cut spending...

Shortly thereafter he was overheard saying he couldn't believe he'd said that.

Why? Because--

The phrase “Read my lips” is rarely heard in politics since George H. W. Bush used it during the Republican National Convention in 1988 to emphasize that he wouldn’t raise taxes — something he did as president to shrink the deficit.

And breaking that promise was one of the things--not the only thing, but one of the things--that killed Bush's chances for a second term. So you can understand Boehner's disbelief.

You might think, however, that he'd have learned a lesson from that gaffe. However, back in 1984...

Bush had gotten in some trouble because he had refused categorically to rule out a tax increase in terms as adamantine as Reagan's. Bush tried to wiggle out of press conferences where this came up: "No more nit-picking. Zippity doo-dah. Now it's off to the races," was his parting shot as he sought to exit one press conference where he was being grilled.

And today...

Boehner: 'It's A Zippity-Do-Da Day!'

That's what Speaker Boehner told one of our reporters as he was walking into a meeting of his caucus a short time ago.

Now, to invite comparison with George Bush I (esp. where taxes are concerned) once might be cast as unwise. To do so twice smacks of irresponsibility. The question is: Will he go for the hat trick?

And if so, how? Will he pick a fight with a short, Greek man as Bush One did? Will he be defeated by Bill Clinton, as Bush One was? Nah. If I had to place a bet, I'd look for something in the area of describing Medicare as "socialized medicine," as Bush did all the way back in 1964.

C'mon, John. I know you can do it.

That's the funniest thing I've heard in years

"As hours pass and the uncertainty builds, I think the market is starting to price in the potential that we might not have a solution by August 2," the deadline for raising the U.S. debt limit, said Channing Smith, managing director of Capital Advisors Inc. "Confidence in our political system is beginning to fade."

Beginning to fade? Beginning?

The war in Iraq...

Bush v. Gore...

Iran/Contra...

The war in Vietnam...

Watergate...

The assassination of JFK...

And he thinks confidence in our political system is just beginning to fade?

Sheesh.

I've been dissed by the star of one of my favorite shows!

Holy shit.

Okay, quick backstory. About a month ago, MoveOn.Org ran a clip from the Roseanne show under the headline,

What If Everyone Understood Today What Roseanne Understood Then?

Good clip, right? I agree. However--I freely admit--I get a little twitchy when I think writers aren't being given proper credit. So I did some quick searching and then made this comment on the Facebook version of the MoveOn post--

I think you mean what if everyone understood today what Jeff Abugov, Joel Madison and Ron Nelson knew then. They're the ones who actually wrote the episode.

--and then I don't think I've thought about it since.

Apparently, however, a fan of Roseanne * went to her blog and asked about it, saying,

Roseanne, do you know who the fuck Ben A. Varkentine is?

And lo and behold, she replied.

if you read the comments--one guy says that the three writers whose names are on the script wrote the lines, but that isn't how tv works at all--people get their names on a script according to a ledger--when it's their turn to get their names on a script--the roseanne show was written by at least fifteen people each script--and then I added jokes and thoughts and scenes to it and it was sent back and "gang punched up"...

Now. I'm actually aware that most TV is "gang written" and Roseanne was no exception. Thing is, not having been on the set myself, the only guide I have as to who wrote what is the credits. So did the three guys who were credited actually not write that scene? Maybe.

Did Roseanne? Funny, she doesn't say so. But after all, she delivered the lines (and did a good job) and the show was named after her. It appears that she would like us to infer that we might as well assume she wrote them all.

Certainly she doesn't name any other writer or writers who might be responsible, either. It's also worth noting that her relationship with most if not all of the Roseanne writers was famously abusive and belittling.

Speaking of which. Back on her blog, she then said this...

--so this guy ben k.v. who thinks he knows something --quite simply knows nothing.

Well. The easy shot is that I do at least know that my latter two initials are A & V, not K and V. But let's overlook that--she was probably in a hurry, and the name "Varkentine" has confused people better than me, you, or she. But I'm less inclined to overlook her parting shot "at" me:

Nice try though, boy--always trying to separate the woman from her work.

Well thank you, little lady, for always assuming sexism if someone doesn't like your work (or in this case, does like your work (much of it, anyway--see below), but questions whether you deserve all 100% of the credit for it).

The thing is--Roseanne is one of my favorite shows. To name just one example of why, I think the two-part story in which Roseanne's sister Jackie is beaten by her boyfriend should be a model of how to do a "very special" episode.

I think it really tried to examine, within its restrictions, the different and varying thoughts and feelings women and men have about violence. And it did so while remaining really funny, but without resorting to a compulsive need to "lighten" a very dark subject.

I think the Conners showed better than 97% of other sitcoms what a real American family was like in the '90s. ...up to a certain point.

(I mark the disintegration as beginning with the arrival of the not-Becky. Nothing against Sarah Chalke--as she would go on to show on Scrubs, she's a talented actress--but that's where the show's fictional reality began to thin, until it was finally torn up completely. By the time of the ending, oh god was it waiting to die.)

I have no problem acknowledging that Roseanne probably deserves the queen's share of the credit for why the show was so good, when it was so good. Characters like Roseanne, Dan and Darlene Conner had rarely if ever been shown before on television.

However, I think she deserves the queen's share of the credit. Not all of it. And I also think she deserves at least as much blame for why when the show got bad, it got so bad. In that regard, I suppose I should just be grateful that Roseanne didn't see these thoughts of mine on the series, written a few years ago:

It's ironic, but I really think you can trace the decline of this show by how much power Roseanne had over her character.

In the first years, Roseanne Conner is a strong, funny, loving woman. At the end, she's controlling, grim, and hateful.

Or that I said that the "real" her irritated me (and that was before all this!).

Then she might really have gotten angry.

And if that doesn't just say it all.

With pressure mounting on Congress and the White House to ensure the government doesn't default on its debt, the latest Democratic offering shows just how much party leaders have compromised during the negotiations as Republicans have held their ground. For weeks, Democrats demanded that any substantial package include revenues to offset spending cuts, namely by closing corporate tax loopholes and ending subsidies for the oil and gas industry. But their demands have now been whittled away to a proposal coming from their own party with major cuts and no revenue at all.

Republicans, meanwhile, have largely gotten what they wanted in their push for significant spending cuts without new revenue.

I ask for your forgiveness in advance

Just reading an article about the killings in Norway today. And I want to be clear that I'm as horrified by the thought of them as I hope every reasonable person would be. So I don't mean to make light, rather to take some solace in dark humor, when I say that this sentence from the story jumped out at me.

See if you can tell why.

"I saw many dead people," said Elise, whose father, Vidar Myhre, didn't want her to disclose her last name.

Sigh. Laugh, clown, laugh...

A choice of replies

Paris Hilton storms off TV interview after being called a has-been

1. Don't you have to have once been something in order to be a has-been?

Or...

2. To be fair, Paris still can wear clothes, help cause the failure of movies (some of which should've done better) and be at least two different kinds of whore. That's not a has-been at all, that's all she's ever been.

Thank you.

They couldn't have just turned on a TV, I suppose. (Edited w/addition)

I'm not saying journalism all over the world has other problems than the Murdochs...but I did just notice something. If you read news items of the father and son testimony today, you'll see that in some of them, Murdoch, Sr, tells the committee, "This is the most humble day of my life."

But in others, it was "...the most humble day of my career." Well really, how hard is that? We're talking about testimony which is being televised (live) on a multiplicity of stations around the world. And they can't get right words he spoke less than two hours before?

ETA: On the other hand, Murdoch later claimed that he wasn't sure whether or not he'd said the arrested ex-employee Rebekah Brooks was his "priority." (He's been so quoted by low-profile outlets like the BBC. )

Why isn't he sure, he says? Because there were "about 20 microphones stuck in my mouth" at the time. As if the number of devices that convert sound into electronic signal in front of one's mouth at any given time have any effect on what comes out of that mouth, or memory of same.

Even granting that might be true of you or I, or any so-called "regular people," it doesn't fly when we're talking about someone who has been an influential media mogul for more than 30 years.

You're telling me he doesn't know exactly what he's saying to that self-same media at any given time, no matter how many microphones are in front of him? Well. This is another one of those problems.

Either he knows perfectly well and is lying about it, which doesn't say much for his ethics, or he truly doesn't remember something he said less than two weeks ago, which doesn't say much for his faculties.

See, this is how you know you've crossed some sort of a line.

If You Offer To Masturbate For Her, Sophie Monk WILL Get In Touch With You.

Appeals to the public? I wouldn't be so sure of that...

There's an old saying. I've seen it attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, and I've seen it attributed to a "French radical." It may even be apocryphal. But it goes like this:

"There they go. I must run, and catch up with them--for I am their leader!"

For some reason, that old saying popped into my head just now when I saw this headline on the Yahoo! main page:

Obama appeals to public to help influence debt-ceiling deal

Oh. Really. Now Obama appeals to the public. The public that has been screaming into the wilderness (for months, at least) that they don't want anything to happen to Social Security, and they do want the wealthy people of this country to pay their share.

(Seriously, the numbers are pretty overwhelming for both).

Now Obama appeals to the public, after wasting so much time trying to make deals with people who are actively working for his defeat, and clearly don't care if everybody from the middle class on down goes with him.

Great.

How many times will the republicans have to keep pissing in his mouth before he'll stop calling it lemonade?