Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I'm bored. Source these quotes.

One:
"I think anybody who's got a five-point majority and still doesn't control the agenda might be spending a little too much time reading about how to get a man to get over his fear of commitment."
"Remind me to mention that to the population of South Africa."
"You know what? In the scheme of things? ...took them about five minutes."
Two:
"What have you learned thus far? Experience is a harsh teacher. First comes the test, second comes the lesson. If you are to SAVE AS I SAVE, then you will see the person in front of you is but a student. So I ask you, Officer Rigg: Has the pupil learned her lesson? Has she been taught the error of her ways?"

Got another one of those comments from someone who doesn't seem to get that the post they're addressing is almost seven years old.

But if you break it down...it's actually kind of disturbing.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Believable performances are not enough when characters are drawn too thinly to convince (edited with small addition)



Polley.
Sarah Polley should never lack for actors for her films, because (probably at least partially due to her own experience in that arena), they'll know she’ll usually show them to best advantage.

By that I don't just mean she'll make them look beautiful, she has an eye for casting good actors who then get to do good work.

In Take This Waltz, Michelle Williams as Margot is utterly believable...even if you don't like some of the choices she's making and by extension, start not to like her.

A married woman, she spends most of the film fighting (though not terribly hard, it must be said) her attraction to a new neighbor.

(I'm being a little unfair.  This is hardly some HBO after-hours soft porn special where people meet on a plane and within minutes they're joining the "mile-high club."  Williams' character really does struggle between her needs for intimacy and for sex.)


Michelle Williams, Luke Kirby, Sarah Silverman


But my point is, you never doubt that yeah…that's what this woman would do.

You’d almost think she has free will (in fact, she probably has more of that than almost anyone else in the story).

Based on the evidence of this first original screenplay of hers to be made into a movie, Polley needs to take a few more tries at improving construction, trimming a speech or two.

And perhaps especially writing her male characters.  Again, casting doesn't fail her here, rather she fails her casting, though by no means completely.

As Margot's husband Lou, Seth Rogen starts out in many ways playing the kind of man-child role we know by now he can knock out in his sleep.  But he's awake here, and allows us access to his emotions that suggest a richness to the character I haven't perceived in other films of his that I've seen (which I don't pretend is even most).  One important moment near the end I didn't buy at all--and it's rather essential to the plot that I do.  But for the most part, he's a more believable man than the neighbor character is..

Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen in Take This Waltz.

Unfortunately this "believablity" may in turn be part of why Williams finds her attention wandering.  More on that in a bit.

Sarah Silverman, in a smaller role as Margot's sister-in-law, also has good moments. One in particular near the beginning when her character, an alcoholic with almost one year of sobriety, talks with Margot about avoiding the pitfalls of relapsing.
Sarah Silverman in Take This Waltz.  And that's Michelle Williams in the red.
The moment comes only on Silverman's face; no dialogue as we look into her eyes and see that part of her, and it's a part with a very strong pull, doesn't see relapsing as a pitfall at all.

The movie features a full-frontal nude scene from Williams, Silverman and others.

I can't be sure, being a man and all, but I think it may actually be the first such scene for women, not men.

It's not about displaying naked bodies for the purpose of sexual excitement.  It's about young women thinking about becoming old women, and old women remembering when they were young.

Michelle Williams,  Luke Kirby
Actually, one of the sexiest moments in the whole film comes in a scene where both players remain fully clothed, and it's as simple as Williams closing her eyes.

Here's my biggest problem with the movie:  If the sexes were all reversed, it would be a movie about a happily married man who finds himself unable to resist his attraction to a woman who just moved in across the street.

You feel like you've seen it already, right?  And it'd probably be written, directed, and (god help us) starred in by Woody Allen.  Does that sound like a story you want to see again, no matter how well it's played?  And I want to stress again that this film is well-played in almost every particular.  It's just not particular enough, if that's not just shoddy wordplay.

It also really tests my personal theory of coincidence in drama, which is this:  You're allowed one.  Accidents will happen; we've all been hit and run, and so on.  But there are so many coincidences required to move this story along that about midway, I began to doubt the reality of one of the characters:  The neighbor Daniel, played by Luke Kirby.

Frankly, the character makes a lot more sense if he is largely, or even entirely, a figment of the imagination of Margot (or, alternately, is the devil).  And not just because it would explain why he keeps turning up just at the right (wrong) moments.

He is sexy but also an artist, and fit enough to make a living pulling rickshaws (seriously).  He also apparently has nothing else to do (and no one else in his life--no family, friends)--but to tell Margot perceptive truths about herself and be powerfully seductive.

Read the character description in that last paragraph again.  Now imagine it with the sexes reversed.

I'm sorry to report this is not quite the confident step forward I'd hoped for Polley after her first film Away From Her, for which she was nominated for the Oscar for best adapted screenplay.  As I hope I've shown, it is not without saving graces, however.

It’s a swinging pendant of a movie, like its lead character moving in ever decreasing circles. But damn, pendants in motion sure can be pretty.

Monday, May 14, 2012

First Loves Blogfest

http://timbrannan.blogspot.com/2012/05/first-loves-blogfest.html
First Album I loved:
The soundtrack for the film of Jesus Christ Superstar.
First Movie:
The Rescuers Photobucket
First Book:
Now We Are Six
First Person: (outside of family)
Edith Mooers, from the original Zoom series.   

According to IMDb, she's now the holder of a B.S. from the University of Washington, Seattle and a Ph.D. from MIT, and is some kind of a mathematical genius.  So it would never have worked for us in the long run.

Still, I wish I could tell you that I knew for certain now which of the girls in this picture she is..  But I don't.

 I remember her being a blonde, though, so it's almost certainly either the one in the middle, or the one to the far right who looks like a young Laura Prepon.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Well that's a new one

Armchair warrior poster-child Jonah Goldberg now not only supports wars he wouldn't deign to dirty his hands in, he's moved on to claiming Pulitzer nominations he was never given.  Shades of the great Al Franken vs. Bill O'Reilly war of '06.

Sunday, May 06, 2012

This is a really weird thing to be satisfied by

...nevertheless, I do feel some satisfaction to know that somebody did a Google images search for "saw movie girl deaths"...and only got two results.

Not two results from my blog, two results.*

How many times do I have to say it?  It's not Friday the 13th...

*To be explicit:  There were actually more results than that, but only two which corresponded to actual Saw movie scenes in which a girl (or woman, ahem) dies.

Both of which happen to be two of the most kickass, moving and thoughtfully directed scenes in the whole series, BTW.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Don't think you've quite got me pegged, there, boys.

The latest thing Amazon's recommending for me because I own the Saw movies is Final Destination 1-4. I've seen bits and pieces of these on cable, and they seem to be if anything the exact opposite of what I like about Saw: More thought goes into the deaths than anything else, and there are no characters whatsoever.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Sunday, April 08, 2012

A scene from South Park's "Fantastic Easter Special."

For any of you who don't know the episode, I'm going to quote from the Wikipedia plot synopsis (to bring you up to speed as to what happens in the first two-thirds or so)...

As the Marsh family colors eggs for Easter, Stan questions what it has to do with Jesus. Not satisfied by his father's vague response, Stan storms off and makes the same inquiry to a mall Easter Bunny, who has previously received death threats from a falsely cheery Cartman. The mall bunny tells Stan that it is "just Easter", and to "just go with it", then makes a mysterious phone call.

Stan soon finds himself being chased by men in bunny suits. When he gets home, he finds that his father is part of the plot. Randy calls the men off, and tells Stan that he is in a society called "The Hare Club for Men", who have guarded the secret of Easter for generations.
Randy takes Stan to the headquarters of the Hare Club, where he is to be initiated into the group, which reveres a rabbit named Snowball. Just as he is about to learn the secret of Easter, Stan's initiation is interrupted as the club is ambushed by a group of ninjas.
The Hare Club members rush to protect Snowball, and Randy gives the rabbit to Stan, telling him to run. He escapes with Snowball, and witnesses the ninjas and their leader, William Anthony Donohue, executing a resisting hare and interrogating Randy.

Stan runs off to Kyle's house and tries to extract any knowledge Kyle has of Easter. Kyle, who is Jewish and does not know anything about Easter and was busy finger painting, does not want to be involved in something so dangerous, but Stan persuades him to help.

Stan and Kyle manage to track down a man named Professor Teabag (spoof of Professor Teabing), who supposedly knows the secret of the Hare Club. Teabag lets them in his mansion and explains that Leonardo da Vinci was actually a member of the Hare Club and that Saint Peter was not a man, but a rabbit (Peter Rabbit), and that laser imaging shows that da Vinci originally portrayed Saint Peter as a rabbit instead of as a man in his painting of the Last Supper.

Teabag explains that Jesus knew that no human could speak for all Christianity without any acts of corruption, and that rabbits were pure, tolerant, and incorruptible. This is why the Pope's mitre is shaped to accommodate a rabbit's ears.
He also explained that the Catholic Church decided to bury the secret and put a man in charge, ever since, "The Hare Club for Men" society members have decorated eggs for generations to keep the secret in da Vinci's painting alive.

He further explains that Snowball is actually a direct descendant from St. Peter, and that Stan's father and the members of the Hare Club have been kidnapped by the Vatican, who wish to cover up this secret, thinking of it as blasphemy.
Then, Donahue's ninja minions attack again and kill Teabag's butler, but Teabag helps the two boys escape by putting marshmallow Peeps in the microwave; which causes an explosion that destroys the mansion and kills both Teabag and the ninjas.


Saturday, March 31, 2012

Things I don't have (and some I do)

...which, apparently, define the truth or not of my nerd or geekdom. List by Hal Hefner, via Kelly Sedinger, who is just a fountain of blog post ideas.

1) Conan The Barbarian Soundtrack


Nope. Don't have it.

2) Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep


Don't have this either. Haven't read any Philip K. Dick since at least high school.

3) The Twilight Zone Collection:


Nope. Do, however, have an anthology of Jerry Goldsmith's film music which contains a suite from the TZ movie. I think that ought to count on at least a couple of levels, not the least of which is obscurity.

4) The Original Star Wars Trilogy – WITHOUT ANY ADDED CRAP


Sadly, no. But if I ever did own any version, that would be the only version I would own.




5) A Profound Hatred for Star Trek Enterprise


Don't give enough of a damn either way.

6) The Lord of The Rings Extended Edition, The Soundtracks and all of the books


Don't own them, have seen them all more than once, got two soundtracks from the library, own one, and read some or most of the books.

7) A Profound Sadness for the Way Battlestar Galactica Ended


Never caught the fascination for GB. Try the last season of Babylon 5 sometime, tho, and then talk to me about profound sadness.









8 ) A Passionately Favorite Version of the REAL Doctor Who


Y'damn right...and it's the one in my own head.

9) A Fear That Will Smith Will Someday Star in The Movie Adaptation of Your Favorite Book


If he comes near Jonathan Carroll, I will have to wait for him with a length of chain.

10) Toys from Your Childhood That You Refuse To Part With


Well, considering that I'm writing this with a fox puppet I got as a present in the '70s sitting on top of my computer monitor...

11) The Belief that the Word Midichlorian Was Just from a Nightmare and NOT a real Star Wars Movie


The problem with midichlorians, as I can't be the first person to point out, is that they switch the idea of "oneness with the Force" from something spiritual which can be attained through practice and discipline, to a question of genetic superiority: If you're not born part of the master race, you're basically doomed to life as a slave. How eugenic.

12) The Original TRON Movie


Don't own it, but it has a special place in my heart, and Tron Legacy stands up too. I do own the Wendy Carlos soundtrack to the original, and Cindy Morgan was one of my '80s crushes.

13) An affection for the TV show Firefly


Absolutely not. Look, I like one or two of the actors, but...plus I've always found it at the least smirk-worthy that fans of this show willingly gave themselves the name "Browncoats," because it sounds so much like "Brownshirts."

14) A Hatred for Chris O’Donnell


Nah. The last two seasons of Buffy, on the other hand...

15) You Know Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics:


Doesn't everyone?

16) You think Cheetara is HOT!


Nah. By the time Thundercats hit, I was already worshiping at the altar of the likes of Cybill Shepherd.

17) You Believe Aliens are our REAL Gods


Not even a little bit. Barry Gibb is our real god. Everybody knows that.

18) You Have a Favorite Animated Cult Sci-Fi Movie


I dunno, I probably do, but I love good animation and Sci-Fi, so it'd be a long list. The Clone Wars movie would not be on it (even if I'd seen it, I suspect).

19) You Blame Hot Rod for Optimus Prime’s Death


I don't even know what this means.

20) You DESPISE Michael Bay for Masturbating on your Childhood


As with Star Trek Enterprise, I don't care enough either way. I save my despising for those who screw up things that are really important.

Like Saw producer Mark Burg, whose greed and cynicism (I believe) turned "the last chapter" of that franchise into a kick in the crotch for those of us who thought the films were ever more than just blood and gore.



Plus, he let Betsy Russell get away, which has to be the most foolhardy move since that sorry freak Charlie Sheen did the same with Ginger Lynn.

(Burg is also Sheen's longtime manager, which cannot be a coincidence).

Or that dullard Robert Zemeckis, whose inspiration poor motion-capture "animation" is a poke in the eye to real lovers of the art form.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My joy in dragons is greater than my appreciation for beautiful women

Two things that all you regular members of my vast reading audience will know by now: I have an appreciation for beautiful women, and I enjoy dragons. But for those of you who have asked yourself: Which is greater?

(and yeah, I know, nobody's ever asked themselves that, including me, but just go with me for the bit, okay?)

We now have an answer. How?

In the movie Sucker Punch, which I have now seen, a whole fistful of lovely young ladies; with hot bods, cold-bloodedly slit the throat of a baby dragon. They insult and fire machine guns at its understandably angry mother, whom they then kill by plunging a sword through the top of her head. And these are the girls we're supposed to like.

And from beginning to end of the whole sequence, I was chanting, "Dragon! Dragon! Go, go, dragon!" So there you have it.

Of course, it's possible this isn't a fair test. I mean, maybe if the movie had given said lovely young ladies characters to play that I could've cared about, the scales might've been just a little more balanced.

But it didn't. I don't mean it gave them characters to play that I just didn't care about. I mean it didn't give them characters to play. Unless of course, "Jena Malone is adorable" (which she is) or "Jamie Chung has some nice curves" (which she does) are character traits...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A picture is worth 1,000...

Karen Santorum on Monday assured women that they have "nothing to fear" from her husband.


Is this the face of a woman with nothing to fear?



Karen Santorum insisted her husband will do “nothing” on the issue of contraception.


"Believe me," she sobbed, he does nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing..."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Note to self: Actually, Halloween and Resident Evil might be a good double feature

("Most Hated Movies," pt five)

41. Constantine

My reaction to this film's release was the same as everybody who's ever read any comic book ever: That's not Constantine.

42. Jersey Girl (2004)



Silent Bob. Not since Mel Brooks has there been a writer/director who so betrayed the promise of his talent. I'll give this one of George Carlin's best performances as an actor, but as a whole this movie was so bad it left me agape.

Photobucket

43. Resident Evil

I never played the games, so I can't speak to how they translate, but I've seen all the movies...though never in the theater. My standard line for the Resident Evil films is that they are either just below or just above average, with the differential being how good looking you think Milla Jovovich is. I think she's one of the sexiest women in the world, so...

She's pretty tough in them, too.




44. Fantastic Four (2005)

A franchise slain by miscasting: That's not Doctor Doom, Sue Storm, etc...



45. Halloween (2007)

I think the 1978, John Carpenter Halloween would be thought of much more highly if it hadn't been followed by so many quick-cash, shoddy (with the notable exception of IV) sequels. One of the best horror movies I've ever seen. But I have to admit, I thought Rob Zombie's remake wasn't half bad, in fact it was probably the best remake of Halloween that could've been made.



47. Terminator: Salvation.

The slightest chance of my taking this film seriously was terminated by Christian Bale's putting half his foot into his own mouth on set and taking a great big bite while being surreptiously taped. Plus I liked the Terminator TV series, so I was glad when this dropped quickly off the charts.

Photobucket

48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

On the other hand, unlike the Halloween remake, this one never even comes close to the thrill power of the 1974 original, and remains a meaningless exercise.

Photobucket

Photobucket

49. Superman Returns

Didn't love it, didn't hate it.

50. Daredevil

No. That's all. Just no.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Sucker Punches fall with Crashes in Epic Movies

(or, "In which--for no apparent reason*--I illustrate this whole "50 Most Hated Films" thing with almost nothing but lovely women and a couple of favorite Robot Chicken bits")



31. Sucker Punch

Haven't seen it. It is, however, another of the really good episodes of How Did This Get Made?



32. Crash (2005)

Haven't seen, nothing to say.



33. The Spirit

Hoo boy. I tried to watch this once, on cable, because I had respect for Will Eisner, who created the character. I didn't get very far.

34. Van Helsing

Finally, one that I've actually seen...but I remember almost nothing about it, which should tell you something. Fred Dekker's Monster Squad covered the same area to much better satisfaction.

35. Godzilla (1998)



Never saw it. I'd rather stare at wallpaper.

36. The Matrix Reloaded/The Matrix Revolutions



Believe it or not, I've never seen any of the Matrix movies, no, not even the first one.

37. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

I can sort-of say that I saw this, but I zipped through it on DVR. From what I saw, while there are horror franchises that can succeed with an ever-changing lineup of faces "behind the mask," (Scream is one) this isn't one of them. Without Robert Englund, it's not Freddy Kruger, and without Freddy Kruger, it's not a Nightmare.


38. Clash of the Titans (2010)

I watched just enough of this, again on cable, to get to the cameo by Bubu, the mechanical owl from the original. So I don't feel qualified to judge it, but not only for that reason.

Photobucket

Just because of the age I was when that first movie came out, it's one of those that is "in my matrix" as I like to say. So any remake, was always gonna make me grumble, cry blasphemy, and mourn my inner 10-year-old.



39. Epic Movie

Haven't seen it. Has anyone?



40. Swept Away (2002)

Call it a hunch but I have a feeling this movie really is that bad.

*I mean, aside from the obvious.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Avenging The Avengers, and other stories

("Most Hated Movies," pt 3)

21. The Wicker Man (2006)

Haven't seen it. It is, however, one of the episodes of How Did This Get Made I've listened to twice.

22. Battlefield Earth

Haven't seen this one either. The DVD cover is notable in my memory, however, because in a desperate search to find a positive quote, they ended up with "Great scene transitions..."

Photobucket



23. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Yet another one that I haven't seen, and I know it was not terribly well-loved by critics and comic book fans. I have to admit, however, that lately I've been thinking just maybe I should give it a chance.

See, I was reminded that the Alan Moore book was adapted into screenplay by James Robinson. I've only just recently finished a trip through Robinson's heavenly run on Starman for DC Comics in the late '90s.

Photobucket

24. Pearl Harbor

Haven't seen it, have nothing to say about it.

25. The Avengers.

No '60s-era Diana Rigg. No chance (and no offense, Uma)

26. Planet of the Apes (2001)

I actually reviewed this back when it first came out, so if you really want to know what I thought of it, go here. All you probably need to know, however, is this is Tim Burton, and I loathe Tim Burton with the heat of 1, 000 suns.















27. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

I was actually pleasantly surprised by this movie.

28. Sex and the City 2

You could tell me this movie was nothing but two hours of Cattrall, Davis, Nixon and Parker (in that order) dressing and undressing and I still wouldn't want to see it.



These characters are ignorant, incapable, and have no direction separate from their men.

29. Spider-Man 3

This is another one that I wrote a long post about when it was released.

Photobucket

Almost five years later, I can say I remember the story as not being especially well-told, but the movie still ending up...good. Not very good. But good.



30. Alien Resurrection

At this point, this movie is first and foremost important to me as an example of how to Joss Whedon fans, the failure of anything he's involved with is never his fault. Secondly, I've been saying for years and years now, the only way ever to "save" this franchise is some sort of "retcon" so that this movie, and the third, never happened.

Monday, March 12, 2012

CatLadies in the Water

...continuing a series of entries riffing on this list of allegedly "Most Hated Movies."

11. The Last Airbender
12. The Happening
13. Lady in the Water


Haven't seen any of these. Neither, apparently, did anybody else. I have to admit that when I first saw the trailer for Last, I thought I actually might want to see it. The reviews disabused me of that notion. Also, in a weird way I resent this movie for taking so many "Razzies" away from Saw 3D. It cannot have been worse than that.

Photobucket
This is not a scene from The Happening. It's the aftermath of a screening.

There's a pretty good book about the making of Lady reminding us of what can happen when a whiz-kid director has no one to say "no" to him. Also, Bryce Dallas Howard sure looked cool on the poster.

Photobucket



14. Avatar

Haven't seen it. Have never had any desire to.












15. Catwoman

Haven't seen this one either, though I suppose I should, given that two separate quizzes have said if I were a comics character, that's who I'd be.

Can't say the costume looks like it'd be very comfortable. Any version of the costume.

16. Hulk.

Yeah, this was God-awful. It's so humorless, it's also the movie I'll think of when and if fans say they want a comics movie that takes the source material "seriously."



17. Love Actually

...and speaking of seriously: Seriously? There are people who hate this movie? News to me.



18. Highlander 2: The Quickening

Never saw it. One does not hear good things.

19. Alien vs. Predator

Actually I thought this was always watchable, sometimes even exciting. Maybe partly because I saw it on HBO, but probably mostly because I chose to see it as a political metaphor of the Kerry/Bush race.

Aliens vs Predator
Alien vs Predator Wallpaper by ~carnageX333 on deviantART

Photobucket

20. X-Men: The Last Stand

Have never sat down and watched this all the way through, but have caught pieces here and there on television. The sense I have is that it's worse as a movie than Bryan Singer's two, but closer to the comics.