The chicks are packed! THE CHICKS ARE PACKED!

Every cloud has a silver lining, I'm rolling all sixes, I am relaxed, refreshed, and reborn with all the hope of a newborn babe.

Why?

Why, do you ask?

Because Bill O'Reilly...the last angry man...recently aired a segment stating that (pink gun-carrying) lesbian gangs are raping young girls and otherwise terrorizing people.

Now, most of you know by now that I have written a book which is in part a portrayal of a lesbian relationship, and it's left me with two lesbians living in my head. I tend to get a little concerned about such declarations of insanity.

But when they come from known evil liars and spin doctors like O'Reilly, the best thing to do is just make fun of them.

Especially when...

(but wait, there's more)

Where does O'Reilly say one of these gangs of girls together outrageously is located?

(come to papa...)


...Tennessee!

Yes! A hat trick! A chance to make fun of homophobes, Bill O'Reilly and the state of Tennessee in one posting!

Those people weren't crazy, 7-7-07 is a lucky day (note to self: Play the lottery)!

My mother taught me the proper thing to do in situations like this.

So, Mr. O'Reilly, should you be looking in, this is for you.

I'm gonna help you out. What you're doing is remembering The Warriors.

But because you were probably high when you watched, you thought the all-female gang-who we're not at all supposed to think are homosexual, they're only called "The Lizzies"-were real. They scared you, didn't they, Bill?



There there. Watch this clip and you'll see they were actually just some babes who took a liking to the men. Really.

Trust me. Would I lie to you about such an obviously traumatic experience?

Just watch this clip, Bill, and you'll feel better.

Besides, as you can see, with or without a pink gun, females are notoriously poor shots.

Sleep tight., Bill.






Thanks to Zaius Nation for hipping me to this, and topping it off with the above image.

Good shots, or, further on the subject of breasts

These are from an interesting collection of pictures by a photographer named jordan matter.



They're all of topless women in and around New York.

Some with quotes and statements from the women themselves on the subject of their bodies and their feelings about them, some with famous aphorisms of the past.

Most of the images are not particuarly sexualised, except inasmuch that in America, breasts are always sexualised (one or two of the women has a comment on that, too).

And the women are not all 105 pound actress-models who think they're fat or have had breast enhancement surgery. One has, but she didn't get scary about it. They're all different shapes, sizes and ages.

Many of the pictures are quite beautiful, I had to stop myself from including about 10 more here.

I decided to just give you these couple of samples and encourage you to look at the rest on your own. Follow the link to the pictures above, I don't think you'll be sorry.

The Interview 2: The Interview Goes West!

I offered PJ, my interviewee at The Urban Recluse, a chance to turn the tables. Here's what she came up with:

1. Who have been the biggest influences on your life?

You mean for good or for ill? I'll just name two of the biggest.

Harlan Ellison, probably. He's one of my favorite writers, and one I can quote from memory. He is, for me, always what is ahead of me. What I could be.

Terry Gilliam. He's funny, he's disturbed, and he's never allowed to rest on his laurels. He's like some crazed inventor. And he's a vision in crinoline.



2. Are you a leg or butt or breast man? Discuss.

Well, I got into this a bit with one of SamFrog's questions, didn't I? I don't know what this obsession is with getting me to name a favorite female body part. It depends on whose legs or butt or breasts we're talking about.

Besides, it's all good. Amy Heckerling was right: "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."

However, as you ask (sure, twist my arm, give me another excuse to post pictures of beautiful women)...



Legs are interesting because of what they lead to. A shapely leg carries the eyes of the viewer up the good trail to what I'll euphimistically refer to as "the heat."

Something close to the same goes for butts.



If we're being honest (and why not?) a lot of what makes a butt sexy is if it makes us want to...I'll be euphimistic again...fill the space in-between. That's what it is for hetero males looking at females, anyway, or at least this one.

For gay males looking at males it's...related, I imagine. Not that I imagine that very much.

Legs or butts, it's all about what they lead to or what's on the other side, which is magnetically powerful.



That may be why I so hate to see stupider-than-a-piece-of-felt women like Lindsay Lohan.



They act as such dubious stewards of some of the most beautiful parts of them, parts that I feel almost religious about.

As for breasts, it's a common observation, but for hetero men, and for all I know for lesbians, part of the attraction must go back to the memory that we used to get milk from them.

Plus the fact that, on a young woman, they're a symbol of blossom and beauty.

(I love this quote, BTW, it makes her seem so stereotypically British. Yes, I imagine that must be quite annoying, musn't it?)



And-enough with the euphimisms already-that's something men like to fuck. It's not the only thing men like to fuck (at least not real men), but it's something. Real men appreciate all breasts.

3. Name your favourite film(s)?

Well, I have a list of them in my profile-but this evening, I'll name:

Diamonds Are Forever and The Living Daylights

A Doonesbury Special



Oh, God!

Radio Days

Star Wars (not "A New Hope," bitches) and The Empire Strikes Back before Lucas changed them.

Python & the Grail, Brazil, Fisher King, Time Bandits, Munchhausen, and Tideland-all directed by Gilliam (Python co-directed w/ Terry Jones)



Hellboy. I'm surprised to say it, but it's really held up for me over the past few years.

The Lord of the Rings.

Aliens

The Outsiders...again, before Coppola changed it.

4. What is your preferred cop/crime tv show?

That's on now? I suppose I can't count House, can I? He's very much Sherlock Holmes as a Dr, but he's not a cop and he doesn't usually solve actual crimes. If we mean of all time, Columbo has to be on the list.

24 would have been on the list, had not the producers been revealed to me as evil fucks more interested in spreading the propaganda that torture works than in creating a good suspense series. That kinda wrecked it for me.

5. Who do you love?

I can't answer that, it's too personal.

A whole lotta Lombard

Those of you who liked that image of Carole Lombard I posted a week or two back might like to give this Livejournal community a try. Artwork, thoughts and photos of Carole and other actresses from "Classic Hollywood."





A little cheesecake a la Lombard...

Reasons to emigrate to Germany

In Germany, this is a Futurama fan.

These are cool!

Johnny Bacardi hipped me to these, they're art samples by a woman named Megan Murphy.

Not all her artwork is of female superheroes, these just happened to be my two favorites.

All her illustrations are attractive and childlike in the way that you want to be, not unsophisticated but artful in their simplicity, and very easy on the eyes.

The illustration of Wonder Woman seems to me to be saying "Oh, boys..."

Her website is here, where you can see other samples, and her Livejournal is here, where you can find her comic strip and more nice things, like my new icon.

PS: Johnny B's post contains a link to the video for the greatest summer song since "Walking on Sunshine"...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Y'know, like all fandoms, being a fan of Doctor Who carries with it certain things you have to watch out for. And it's not just knowing which fans you need to run away from, either (they're the ones who think it's "too gay" or have other emotional problems).

For a Doctor Who fan, specifically one living in the US, you have to be especially careful if you want to avoid spoilers for episodes you haven't seen. And I am, with the able assistance of Corey Klemow, who's usually further ahead on his DW-viewing than me.

Corey gives me special caution! warnings when something really "big" is out there. He says "don't read media blogs or news pages." Only thing is, every blog is a media blog. The only way not to read them is not to read blogs at all. But I do avoid all specifically Doctor Who message boards because they're worldwide. If I see that someone is blogging about episodes I haven't seen, I skip the entry.

And if Aaron, aka SamuraiFrog, had put the word SPOILERS in his subject line like a thoughtful person, I would have avoided his recent post. Unfortunately, by the subject line and the photo, it looks like it's going to be a discussion of last year's Christmas Special, Runaway Bride. Which for all I know he's only just seen on the Sci-Fi channel, which only just started the third/29th season, and which I had seen several months ago. So I proceeded, reassured.

Then he goes and plops a big honking fucking spoiler for the end of the season in the second line of his post, with no ramp-up whatsoever.

I stopped reading at once, but...

There's a reason my reviews tend to err on the side of keeping the big plot points unclear, folks, and it's not just that I hate reciting story synopsis (although I do). I learned the hard way by unthinkingly spoiling a thing or two for others.

When posting anything to the world-wide web, you really have to act as though the words "WORLD-WIDE" are tacked up on the wall behind your monitor. Not everyone knows exactly what you know when you know it, and it's good to be aware of them.

Nicole Kidman has bats in her belfry

Via CareFair.com:

In an interview with Closer magazine, actress Nicole Kidman ruled out plastic surgery as a means of changing her ‘boy’s body’.

This is Nicole Kidman's body. The word "boyish" leaps right to mind, doesn't it? Dear god, Nicole, what are the men in your life and/or the critics telling you?

We've been involved For quite a while now And to keep you secret has been hell

Finally got around to watching Casino Royale, the latest excursion into the life of James Bond.

(I've always liked the fan theory which explains the replacement 007s thus: "James Bond" doesn't exist, it's a cover identity the British Secret Service assigns to their top agent. And that would work if not for one or two things in the movies that fuck up the continuity)

Not sure why I waited, really-I'm a Bond fan, as you can easily tell, and this one got very good reviews. I think, somehow, I sensed this one was to please the "serious" fans. The ones who probably hated Desmond Llewelyn.



And, as I've said, I've recently done a 180 on the "silly" Bond movies, like Diamonds Are Forever and Moonraker I once renounced. Okay, I know the Moore movies sometimes overdid it, but I do like a little more wit in my Bond scripts.

I think this whole thing just had kind of a glum vibe, and that's not what I'm looking for from my Bond scripts.

That said, taken on it's own, the film is beautifully made. Speaking of beautifully made...

It has been remarked that I have an appreciation for beautiful women. There are women who can be so beautiful onscreen I find it almost impossible to rate them as movie stars, because every time I look at them all I'm thinking is: Pretty...

Anne Hathaway...





Nicole Kidman...Eva Green.

Mother of god, she's life itself. She doesn't even have to be showing anything but her face and no heterosexual man could stop himself mentally cataloging a few carnal pleasures.



You put her in a dress that shows off her wow! of a body and have her walk away from the camera, and strong men could be forgiven for passing out.

Speaking of strong men (Ben Varkentine, king of the segue), the stunts of this movie remind you of the days before action sequences meant overpaid actors riding CGI explosions on bluescreen.

And it's not that the script doesn't have jokes, they're just not terribly witty in the playful sense. Nor are they supposed to be.

The film succeds at what it was trying to do, which was to "reinvent" a starker, post 9/11 Bond for 12-year-olds of the 21st century.

I was 12 in the 1980s, therefore, Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton are my men.

As Bond, Daniel Craig is fine, but he'll never be "my" Bond. Like favorite Doctors Who, that's just a function of your age.

Real reasons to be proud to be from the U.S.

Given the state of...what I'll laughingly call our national security, status in the world, Constitution, respect for our soldiers and leaders from both the right and the left...

A number of bloggers have been writing sardonic posts in recent days about how proud they don't feel to be Americans, this fourth of July. I can certainly agree with the sentiment. And yet, maybe it's just my contrary nature, but I feel like remembering a few of the things that I actually am proud of.

Singers as diverse and fine as Marvin Gaye or Frank Sinatra or Johnny Cash. There's no comparison. Here's Marvin Gaye singing our national anthem better than anyone has ever sung it.



Jazz. Smooth, mellow, acidic, swinging, popular, "arty," fusion, straight-ahead and virtuoso jazz.

Rock and roll. Everybody tries to do it better than us and yes, to my personal taste, two or three groups from England may have succeeded. But we invented it and I never forget that.



Josie & the Pussycats! The Monkees! The Archies!



Ok, just like rock, it took Englishmen (Neil Gaiman...) to perfect the form, but it's still our model.

Cartoons. Looney Tunes. The Simpsons. The Iron Giant! Walt Disney. Chuck Jones. Pixar. Brad Bird.



Radio, Radio: The Great Gildersleeve. Duffy's Tavern. Abbott & Costello. Jack Benny. Burns & Allen...

TV: The talk show. For better and for worse, it's ours. Star Trek! Aaron Sorkin. Yes, Joss Whedon, damnit, and Joe Straczynski. The first season of Huff. Amy Sherman-Palladino...

Comedians: Robin Williams. Mel Brooks. Groucho Marx! Chevy Chase. John Belushi.

Authors: Norton Juster. Harlan Ellison. Mark Twain. Isaac Asimov. George S. Kaufman. The mystery novel itself.



The American girl. I'm a big fan. Represented above by Phoebe Cates (center), Betsy Russell (right) and Kathleen Wilhoite (left), in red, white and blue.



Just so you shouldn't think I'm completely indulging my "antifeminist" side...

A signifigant portion of the great films. Singin' in the Rain, Gone With the Wind, Vertigo...





And musical theater! They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway...

Do you get it yet, you stupid democratic dumbfucks?

On Larry King tonight, he asked Robin Williams if President Bush had been "a disappointment." Williams said yeah. I would have said no, he hasn't been, because I didn't expect anything from him.

On the other hand...

Like twin Jacques Cousteaus of the political world, President Bush and Congress are probing the depths of public opinion polling as voters exasperated over Iraq, immigration and other issues give them strikingly low grades.

"The big thing would be the war," said independent Richard MacDonald, 56, a retired printer from Redding, Calif. "I don't think he knew what he got into when he got into it." As for Congress, MacDonald said, "It's just the same old same old with me. A lot of promises they don't keep."

Emphasis mine.

A majority in a CNN-Opinion Research Corp. survey in late June said Democratic control of Congress was good for the country. Yet only 42 percent approved of what Democratic leaders have done this year - when Democrats failed to force Bush to change policy on Iraq.

Read that again, Democratic dumbfucks. Slowly. Have someone read it to you if necessary. Let it sink in. Do you get it yet? We elected you to stop him and he isn't going to do it if you ask nicely.

"The voters voted for change and they expected change, and they see an institution still incapable of getting anything done," said GOP pollster Linda DiVall.

Even the GOP pollster gets it, Democratic dumbfucks.

In an early June AP-Ipsos poll, 32 percent approved of his work, tying his low in that survey. Other June polls in which he set or tied his personal worst included 27 percent by CBS News, 31 percent by Fox News-Opinion Dynamics, 32 percent by CNN-Opinion Research Corp. and 26 percent by Newsweek.

Can.

We.

Impeach.

Them.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow?

Then Again, Maybe I Won't

But I did...write another Amazon review, this time of an anthology of essays by women writers on Judy Blume.

I know you know this, but really, Tucker Carlson is an awful human being

Media Matters:

MSNBC's Carlson on Obama: "He seems like kind of a wuss"

On the July 2 edition of MSNBC's Tucker, host Tucker Carlson said of presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL): "He seems like kind of a wuss." Carlson made this comment after claiming that in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, "Someone's going to give the middle finger to the man," adding: "And the man in this case is a chick!" -- referring to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY).

Ok, putting aside for the moment his use of the word "chick." I'm not adverse to the term, though even I know one does not usually use it in reference to a United States Senator. I don't think It's always intended to be offensive, though he certainly means it that way.

You know how I know? I say again: Awful human being. But put that aside.

Being called a wuss by Tucker Carlson.

• That's like being called gay by the Tony Awards.
• It's like being called an antisemite gay basher by William Donohue.
• It's like David Letterman making fun of the gap in your teeth.
• It's like being called a sugared, fruit-flavored, non-carbonated soft drink by Tang.
• It's like being accused of making bad pop music by Britney.
• It's like...(join me, won't you? It's fun!)
  

Word of the day, week, month, possibly year.

"Bildungsromans."

Oh, for onomatopoeia.

Who was that?

Is Julie Harris.

Was Mary Pickford. This one was correctly guessed by SamuraiFrog. Though as he pointed out there's a big hint in that you can see the name "Mary" in the corner of the picture...something I didn't realize till after I'd posted it.

was Romy Schneider.

they sound like a band that should have such a name

Is it just me, or as a band name, does "My Fascist Pussy" seem like one of those ideas which is almost comic, but then...no, isn't really, either.

I will say this. Their MySpace page has the words "No fun allowed. Seriously" written in large, contentious letters at the top. No one can say they weren't warned.

But, well, is it any wonder I'd rather submit to the charms of Pink or even Kelly Clarkson?

Dogpile on McCain!

It wasn't supposed to be like this. John McCain was supposed to be the "good" republican, the one even Democrats liked, the one who could shoot straight through all the bullshit. And now he's a joke.

He's a joke and his campaign is broke ("broke" being a relative term here as in all things).

How did this happen? How did a respected war hero let himself get beat by a dirty tricks playing draft dodger? And then learn so little from the experience that he actually cozied up to him?

In ten years or so, someone's going to write a book that will tell the whole, sad story--or at least a lot more of it than we can know right now. Because I'm really curious. McCain can be a smart guy, but he just seems to sublimate that (along with one or two other things having to do with manhood).

Do you think he still sees himself as the maverick even though nobody-right or left-believes it anymore (except maybe for the odd bubble-living pundit)? Doesn't he realize that he's killed all his credibility, that he's pushing a boulder uphill every time he supports making the war in Iraq bigger?

This isn't the way it was supposed to be. But that's what you get.

Things I've found in books

So I'm reading Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation.

An essay called "It's A Big Fat Revolution," (about fat oppression) strikes me as too self-conscious in the writing. It keeps being about the way it is about what it's about, instead of just being what it's about, if you follow me.

This is where I'm glad for some thoughtful person who has written a little note in it. A commentary, their own reaction to some of the wordage contained within. And in so doing, finds the heart of an issue better in six words than the author of the essay does in ten pages.

My thoughtful commentator asks, in the margin:

Why are people so fucking mean??

Tell it, sister.

God, I hate the public.

They had a chance to choose a song for Hillary Clinton's Presidential Bid. They chose Celine Dion's "You and I." Both candidate and voters choosing to overlook that Dion is

1. Bad.
2. French Canadian.

You'd think at least one of those would have disqualified her. At least some of Fleetwood Mac, including a key member or two, is American...

But as if that weren't bad enough, other nominees included "Right Here Right Now" by Jesus Jones and two U2 songs: "Beautiful Day" and "City of Blinding Lights." Which are better than Celine Dion but still, not American.

An American song they could have chosen is "Get Ready" by the Temptations. But I think the fact that Hillary didn't just veto everything else and say "this is my song" is going on my list of things I find spooky about her (along with the chocolate chip cookies and the refusal to admit a mistake):



Long live the Dixie Chicks.

What's shocking about this is how completely and utterly unshocking it is

President Bush commuted the sentence of former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby on Monday, sparing him from a 2 1/2-year prison term that Bush said was excessive. Bush's move came hours after a federal appeals panel ruled Libby could not delay his prison term in the CIA leak case.

I mean, honestly, who really expected him to do anything else? I have the feeling that Media Matters is going to be all over the republican reaction very soon, and they'll probably make some very good points.

But really...yeah, I'll say it again: Who honestly expected him to do anything else? This is George W. Bush. The man who thinks he can tell other countries how to have a government when it's plain he doesn't have the first idea.

And not that I think there are many non-Democrats reading this, but if there are, I'll say again that criticising Bush goes beyond political bias. It's a question of comptence: On any reasonable, rational standard, the man has none.

It's not surprising that he would do this, it's barely even curious. The only thing I'm curious about is whether Tom Delay or Jack Abramoff will call first to say "Hey, what about me?"

You'd think I'd like his movies more

As I've said in the past, I've never admired Woody Allen as much as some. I've just never been a big fan, with a handful of exeptions (Radio Days, for instance, is perfectly wonderful). And yet...every so often I'll find some quote from him that I like a lot.

Mary Steenburgen in A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S SEX COMEDY

Like these, from an interview he had with Roger Ebert while promoting A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (which is another of the exceptions).

"I've always felt more sanguine about women than about men," he said. "They're more mature, less bellicose, more gentle. They're closer to to what life's supposed to be about. They bring up kids. Men are stiffer, don't cry, die of heart attacks. Women are just more into nature. They know what sex should be. They never dissociate sex and love. A guy will pick up a girl, telling himself all he's looking for is a fling for the weekend, but what he's really always after is the woman of his dreams, someone to spend the rest of his life with. Women are looking for the same thing in a man, only they're honest enough to admit it."

"[In Midsummer] I wanted to portray the country the way I want it to be, with golden vistas, and flowers, animals, moon, stars, all in 1906, a perfect setting to deal with problems of love and romance. I saw it as a chance to get in some of my philosophy, that there's more to life than meets the eye, that an intellectual rationalist is also an animal who lusts after women and is not above drawing blood in the throes of passion."

Random Flickr Blogging: You're a "greatest hits," you're A "best of"

For the summer, and the year-plus-one-month anniversary of RFB, we've been encouraged to put together a little "best of." So here's a few from back in the day. Photos can be clicked for enlargement and/or clarity...

I think I like this one because this kid looks like he's already pushing his boundaries and he's only five months old...Careful, kid, push too hard and you're gonna fall off the other end of that sofa.

...and if that isn't a metaphor for life, I don't know what is...

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.
-Roads Go Ever On, JRR Tolkien

Two of the three men were congratulating themselves on their luck in finding their partners; two of the three women were doing the same. Unfortunately for all concerned, the women congratulating themselves were not necessarily partnered with the men who were, and vice-versa.

A pink bow on a hot chick's bikini top.

The very definition of "gilding the lilly."

"Yeah-I showed it to him for a quarter. You got a problem with that?"



Clifford had been wondering whether the new girl was a natural blonde, until he saw the effect that the smallest thought entering her brain had upon her head.



Realizing that he'd badly miscalculated the ratio of Monologues to Vagina, Alex began pondering how he could best make good his escape.



"This? Why, this is a special magic charm that protects me from bad luck and also gives men an excuse to stare at my boobs. Why?"

That oughta hold the little bastards for a while...

Women

Portraits of them naked.



This one was made the year I was born.