CatLadies in the Water

...continuing a series of entries riffing on this list of allegedly "Most Hated Movies."

11. The Last Airbender
12. The Happening
13. Lady in the Water

Haven't seen any of these. Neither, apparently, did anybody else. I have to admit that when I first saw the trailer for Last, I thought I actually might want to see it. The reviews disabused me of that notion. Also, in a weird way I resent this movie for taking so many "Razzies" away from Saw 3D. It cannot have been worse than that.

This is not a scene from The Happening. It's the aftermath of a screening.

There's a pretty good book about the making of Lady reminding us of what can happen when a whiz-kid director has no one to say "no" to him. Also, Bryce Dallas Howard sure looked cool on the poster.





14. Avatar

Haven't seen it. Have never had any desire to.

15. Catwoman

Haven't seen this one either, though I suppose I should, given that two separate quizzes have said if I were a comics character, that's who I'd be.

Can't say the costume looks like it'd be very comfortable. Any version of the costume.

16. Hulk.

Yeah, this was God-awful. It's so humorless, it's also the movie I'll think of when and if fans say they want a comics movie that takes the source material "seriously."



17. Love Actually

...and speaking of seriously: Seriously? There are people who hate this movie? News to me.



18. Highlander 2: The Quickening

Never saw it. One does not hear good things.

19. Alien vs. Predator

Actually I thought this was always watchable, sometimes even exciting. Maybe partly because I saw it on HBO, but probably mostly because I chose to see it as a political metaphor of the Kerry/Bush race.

Aliens vs Predator
Alien vs Predator Wallpaper by ~carnageX333 on deviantART



20. X-Men: The Last Stand

Have never sat down and watched this all the way through, but have caught pieces here and there on television. The sense I have is that it's worse as a movie than Bryan Singer's two, but closer to the comics.

One or two movies about which South Park was right, and eight others

I've decided to take a tip from Kelly Sedinger, who took his from Sam Frog, and riff on this list of "Fifty Most Hated Movies." But where he and the Frog did theirs all in one post, I'm going to spread these out so I can get a week of entries out of them.

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I can give my opinion of this movie in four words, prefaced by a clip:

The China Probrem
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

South. Park. Was. Right.

2. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace



Keep walking, kid.

3. Forrest Gump

Never saw it, and considering how much my opinion of Robert Zemeckis has soured, likely never will.

I do get the sense, however, that it's one of those movies which even a year afterward people are embarrassed to remember they rated so highly.

4. Twilight

Where's the Family Research Council when we really need it?



5. Psycho (1998)

Still the very definition of "unnecessary."

6. Batman and Robin

Never saw it. The best translation of Batman to another media remains the Dini/Timm Animated Series.

7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Never saw this one either. However, I suspect this is another one that South Park has the right idea about.

"Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay still gets to keep making movies. There isn't a god."

8. Titanic.

Not to be crass (god forbid), but any movie in which Kate Winslet gets her kit off...


9. House of the Dead

10. Die Another Day

I actually think this movie is cleverer than most people seem to feel--I don't just like it for Halle Berry in her swimsuit--although, god knows...

Something to listen to

I've got nothing much else to say about it. I first heard it/her on the Nerdist Podcast.



And yes, as you can well imagine, the spelling error in the title by whoever posted this distresses me every time. I don't think they're from this country, tho, and it doesn't lessen the song any...

Y'know how I've often said that--even if he comes up with a great line every once in a while--I have a bad feeling about Bill Maher?

Check it:

Bill Maher Defends Rush Limbaugh

Great passages in literature

Jon ordered bottles of scotch, vodka and champaigne. We wondered if we could take them home with us. There was a three-piece band. A stripper materialized and began to disrobe a yard in front of us.

"Dodger," Abra said, "why are all those men sitting alone at their tables?"

"I think they're lonely," I said, because they have to buy a girl her own bottle if they want her to sit with them."

"They all seem so sad," Abra said. She took another look around the room. The stripper finished and left the stage to indifferent applause. Abra whispered something to Jon. He was a distinguished Canadian and knew how to handle these things. He rapped smartly on the table with a pound coin. "Waiter!" he said. "Blow jobs for everyone!"

-from Life Itself, by Roger Ebert

One thing I've always given Lucas credit for--he never minimized this man's contributions

Ralph McQuarrie, visual designer of 'Star Wars,' passes away at 82

Simply put, the choices he made regarding the design of the world of "Star Wars" were one of the main reasons that film resonated ... with generations of viewers.

-Quoting from the above post by "Drew McWeeny."

It's my understanding that after the first film opened in 1977 and became what it did, McQuarrie was one of those to whom George Lucas retroactively offered profit points/participation. He didn't "need" to do that, and I think we know some people wouldn't have.

But Lucas had literally sold Star Wars on the basis of McQuarrie's paintings--and I do mean "literally," literally: In pitch meetings with the studios, Lucas would present the work he'd commissioned McQuarrie to do in order to evoke the style he hoped to with the film...

Right on, Leonard

Mr. Maltin on why I don't expect to be joining the frenzied throng that I'm sure will be seeing "Dr. Seuss'" The Lorax this weekend.

Have you noticed that (as often as not) when Hollywood moviemakers stray from their source material they insist on putting the author’s name above the title? To me, this only compounds the offense. No author has suffered more at the hands of Hollywood in recent years than Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss.

Easy Joke Department 3

Rush Limbaugh: I'll Buy Georgetown Women 'As Much Aspirin To Put Between Their Knees As They Want'

Trust me, Rush. Around you, the women won't need Aspirin to keep their knees closed.

The things you learn when you're trying to be gracious

Conservative "Journalist" [Andrew] Breitbart Dead at 43

"Journalist" is in quotes in the news item above, I assume, because there wasn't room in the headline for "Right-wing thug, enemy of democracy and lying fink."

Look, I've often liked to point out, in the past decade or so as Breitbart became better known, that I was picking on him before all the cool kids were doing it: In 2004 I wrote this review of his book Hollywood, Interrupted (co-written with Mark Ebner).

Nevertheless, when I logged on just now and saw this news, I was momentarily tempted to do the decent thing. Maybe even to worry "aloud" that Breitbart's apparent recent instability, of which Keith Olbermann among others has made such hay, could have been a repressed cry for help. From a man who, if only unconsciously, somehow knew he was near his death.

That temptation lasted right up until I read the full story to which I've linked at top, which gave me a couple of pieces of information I didn't have. The first is that actor Orson Bean, who wrote the introduction to the Breitbart/Ebner book, was actually Breitbart's father-in-law. A tidbit that appears nowhere in the published volume.

But that's just kind of sleazy; probably not enough to overcome the cultural imperative of "Speak no ill of the dead." However...

After Sen. Edward M. Kennedy of Massachusetts died in 2009, Breitbart tweeted "Rest in Chappaquiddick" and called him "a special pile of human excrement." When critics questioned his tone, he tweeted they "missed my best ones!"

In which case I refuse to feel the slightest bit guilty for blogging thus: Roast in hell, Breitbart. The world is a better place for you having left it.

I refer you to the precedents...

I cannot say this enough (apparently): There are certain immutable rules of life. One of them is that once something societal reaches the pages of an Archie comic, it can no longer be considered "cutting edge," or in fact, "edgy" at all.

I refer you to the precedents of Betty and Veronica go Goth and Betty Flash Dancing Up A Storm.

Now Archie has not only put a gay character into their comics, they have published an issue in which he marries another fella. This is unquestionable proof positive that gay marriage is not only acceptable in mainstream America, but it's actually a bit passé.

But some folks, I guess, never learn...

Just when you think he can't be a bigger asshole...

...Rush jams a corncob up there and stretches it out:

Limbaugh On Danica Patrick's Statement About Contraceptive Policy: "What Do You Expect From A Woman Driver?"

You know Gov Walker, there's an obvious solution you may be missing...

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) today: "Think about the number of kids we could help, think of the number of seniors we could help in our state with $9 million that we didn't have to waste on this -- this frivolous recall election."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there some kind of ethical thing about doctors not operating upon family members?

Apparently, not when you're a dad who can give his 18-year-old daughter her very own boob job.

Not creepy at all.

Requiem For A Bad Science Fiction Film

Canadlian Calvin reminded me of the film Moon Zero Two.

This was not a good film. It was not an original or interesting film. It was full of old heroes with great foreheads, ugly villians who looked like the leader of CHAOS from Get Smart, and pale Englishmen.

The costumes were incredibly bright & cheesy in color and design...The hero's sidekick spoke like Manuel from Fawlty Towers. The music was inappropriate freeform jazz. But, I had it on tape for several years (the MST3K version, I hasten to add), until almost 15 years ago (good lord) it went the way of all flesh.

Alone, unmourned, and unloved...except I still kinda miss it.

Sarah Silverman has a habit of turning up in funny little short films that turn out to be commericals

See more at CollegeHumor

Oh, and also BTW: I wrote a couple parts of the Wikipedia page on Silverman. You guess which ones.

HTF did I not know about this?!

You know--and I mean this a compliment, believe it or not--if the acting thing ever dries up for her, Selma Blair could make a pretty good living as a 'ho. Yes, she's just that sexy.

Tumble 4 Ya Blogfest: My 80's Crush(es)

(Or, "I pretty much had to do this, didn't I?")

Ah, the '80s. How I loved them. How I want them back. The golden age of so many things: Television ("my" Doctor Who!)

music (New wave! Synthpop! Hall and Oates! The Go-Gos!), comics (the FIRST New Teen Titans!),



movies (The Karate Kid! Tron!)



hair,"playmates."...

...and playmates with hair if you know what I mean and I think you do...



So when I see via my buddy Timothy Brannan's Facebook feed that there's a Blogfest on '80s Crushes today, well you know I'm all over it.

As is my wont with things like this, however, I'm not going to limit myself to just one choice. But I'll start with...



Madonna 1983-1989. The goddess years. I still think she was a better interpretive artist than she's ever been a creative one, and I disagreed when she started assuming sexism everywhere if people just didn't like her work.

Early into the '90s, the needle started to slip over into pathetic on a whole lot of levels, and she's never wholly made it back. The Madonna I knew would never have promised not to be naughty at the Super Bowl. (You know why? Because the Madonna I knew was...

)

But oh, those first seven years or so, she was such a...

Then there's one Miss Caren Kaye, who I've decided to put in to represent all the '80s actresses who still hold special places in my...



...heart. Let's just say heart.

Oh, but okay, I have to throw in Betsy Russell, too. Not only because she was a c-or-d-cup all American sexual icon to boys my age in the '80s.

But because fully a quarter of a century later, her presence in them would be one of the things which led me to my pathological obsession with the Saw film franchise.





Oh hell, Virginia Madsen. This whole pick-one-actress-to-represent-all-of-them idea isn't working.

But I can't leave out Miss Madsen--I've been "in love," and saying my idea of heaven would be a never-ending hot shower with her, since roughly 1985.

Plus I think if I were a woman I'd admire her too, albeit for a different reason: For managing to age gracefully. She's been open about her use of Botox, and maybe as a result of that openness, she hasn't seemed to overdo it as some have.

Speaking of The New Teen Titans, as I was up top there, I'm going to include Tara Markov, AKA Terra, too. Sure, she was fictional. That didn't stop her from breaking my heart and the heart of every other boy my age (or at least the comic-reading straight ones).





Staying with the theme of comics, but coming back to the real world for this one: The great parodist Julie Earth Girls Are Easy/"Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun" Brown.

A great-looking woman with fabulous breasts who can not only play, but write comedy. What the hell more do you want out of life?

BTW, it is a measure of the miracle age in which we're now living that two of these women have "friended," and actually interacted to a small degree, with mine humble self on Facebook.

This should not be happening.

Lindsay Lohan should not look older than Jamie Lee Curtis.



This should not be happening.

Proving that while it's true good-looking women aren't automatically dumb, they're not automatically intelligent either

Cindy Crawford is a Republican.

I like this a lot.

It's a short film I came across, made by a woman named Oonagh Kearney in Ireland. After the embed I'll say a bit more about it, but I felt like giving you the option of going in fresh.



According to the IMDb entry, this is about

An older woman [who] sits before a telephone in an empty house. Her daughters have flown the nest. As she prepares to phone them, their memory is brought back to life.

I'm not sure I would've known it if I hadn't seen that first; that's why I wanted to give you that option. But I'm even less sure that would've affected my liking of it.

The other thing I wanted to say is that this is the kind of movie I could just as easily not have liked. I mean...that plot? Told entirely in dance? It could've just been awful. But instead...well did I say that I liked it a lot?