Friday, November 04, 2011

Derbyshire!

Oh, happy day.

You longtime members of my vast reading audience may remember an utterly creepy fella named John Derbyshire, a writer for the conservative National Review's The Corner.

He's the guy who said he thought women should have the vote--in 2009 (how generous!)--but never use it. He's the guy whose reaction to the shocking killings at Virginia Tech was to call the students cowards for not rushing the killer, as he's quite sure he would've done.

Yeah, that guy. I love him. He's just so perfectly fucked in the head.

So now, he's weighed in on the whole "Herman Cain/sexual harassment" thing (about which, for the record, I really couldn't give that much of a fuck. Except to observe that as always, it's not the offense that sinks you, it's the covering and backpedaling and filling ).

Brace yourselves...


Is there anyone who thinks sexual harassment is a real thing?


Um, well, there's the law...ah, but Mr. Derbyshire has anticipated me here, for his next statement is:

Is there anyone who doesn’t know it’s all a lawyers’ ramp, like “racial discrimination“?


I'm not totally sure what he means by "lawyers' ramp," but I think I can get the gist. Which doesn't really matter because I'm still reeling from his assertion that "racial discrimination" isn't a real thing either.

Across the country right now, Republicans are trying to fix the laws so as to make it harder for blacks to vote.

You pay a girl a compliment nowadays, she runs off and gets lawyered up.


You know what I think the difference is between paying a girl (or a woman, ahem) a compliment and sexual harassment? Respect. I'd like to believe that most of the time, women do know the difference.

Is this any way to live?


Well yeah, John, yeah it is, unless you're living in the 1950's. Oh, wait...

There has never in the history of the world been a people better mannered and less inclined to insulting acts of prejudice than today’s Americans,


Well, except for the Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Canada, or pretty much any place where they practice Buddhism, I'm sure he's quite correct.

yet we’re supposed to believe that the nation is seething with “harassment” and “discrimination,” women being groped in every business office and crosses burning on every lawn.


Um, no. You're supposed to believe that harassment and discrimination are real things that do go on and need to be taken seriously when they do. As for women being groped in every office or crosses burning on every lawn, so far as I'm aware no one's asserted that. I think you might be projecting a little wish fulfillment there, John.

Aren’t there any grown-ups around?


You wouldn't think he'd be talking too much about grown-ups, would you, considering he's the guy who publicly asserted that only pubescent girls are attractive...

What must this do to one's self-esteem?

Playboy Unhappy With Lindsay Lohan Nudes

Thursday, November 03, 2011

"The People vs. George Lucas"

Attention, Star Wars fans: You need to see this movie. It's for us but does not pander to us--and not pandering to an assumed audience is more than you can say for roughly half of the Star Wars films.



The People vs George Lucas by Danny Choo
The People vs George Lucas, a photo by Danny Choo on Flickr.

And besides, where else are you going to see a Japanese stormtrooper getting down with his funky self?

Please God...

new polling data shows that a Cain collapse could trigger a Gingrich surge.


Personally, I'm seriously hoping that Romney and Gingrich are the GOP ticket...just because I really like saying "Mitt/Newt."

Today's contestant on "Who's Searching For Me Now?"

...comes to us from Slovak Telecom, Leopoldov, Trnava, Slovakia.

They searched my name; didn't stay long.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Right, here's the thing...it wasn't an affair.

Wrong again, media.

Okay. You guys remember how I cursed the way the story of an "adult" harassing a 13-year-old girl into committing suicide somehow got spun into "The Myspace Suicide Case," simply because that "adult" used MySpace to do her harassing?

Well, it's happening again, and by some sick coincidence, there's a 13-year-old girl involved here, too. A conservative politician in Virginia has admitted to a homosexual affair in the past (but they're feeling much better now, having "prayed the gay away."

By itself, this isn't really news--as my friend Turner is fond of asking, are there any straight conservatives anymore? But this has an unusual, "sexy" twist in that the politician in question is a woman.

Linda Wall, a conservative independent Virginia candidate for the House of Delegates, admitted on Wednesday that she had an affair with a female student as a junior high gym teacher in the early 1970s, but said she has changed.


Every headline I've seen on this--and I just looked at five or six-- describes it as "an affair." Sometimes they add the word "lesbian," and sometimes they mention in the banner that it was with a student, but still call it "an affair."

When an "adult" has sexual contact with a minor, it's not an affair. It's child molestation. And when you add it that as a teacher, Ms. Wall was in a position of authority and trust...well, just imagine if she were a man. You think they'd be calling it "an affair" then, whether gay or not?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Okay, this is becoming increasingly incredible

Today's contestant on "Who's Searching For Me Now?" comes to us from an Android, the IP of which reveals itself to come from the Ministry Of Communications...in Kuwait. They searched the URL of this blog specifically, not just my name, stayed a couple of minutes and left on the Evan Rachel Wood image below.

Maybe she's a Pseudo Echo fan (I am) and somehow thought that was a compliment?

Tell me something: If you were a singer, would you quote on your website a review which said your CD:
"Makes Mariah Carey sound like someone who made it on the basis of her talent. Makes Pseudo Echo sound like lyrical geniuses."


No, I wouldn't either. But Tey Punsalan would. And I know that because I wrote the review.

Monday, October 24, 2011

And speaking of anniversaries...

...today marks that very thing of my pal Corey Klemow's birth (I won't tell you which anniversary it is--he's an actor, he doesn't need that kind of stuff out there).

As I've often said, Corey is one of the most generous and supportive people I know. But more importantly, he's the only person I know, nowadays, whom I can talk Doctor Who with.

(Speaking of which, Corey: The Sarah Jane package arrived but I haven't had a chance to watch the episodes yet.)

Anyway, another fandom that Cor and I share is for Charles Schulz's comic strip and the animated versions thereof. And he once told me that one of his favorite arrangements of the famous Vince Guaraldi music was from a special that, as luck would have it, is doubly appropriate for this season...


This year marks the 50th anniversary of Norton Juster's book...

...The Phantom Tollbooth coming out. So naturally I have to tip my hat, being as that's where the name of this blog comes from. So here's an essay I found from a Harvard student on the effect the book had on her growing up.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Easy Joke Department

Headline:

Blind Man Regains Sight Through Tongue


That tongue? Evan Rachel Woods'.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Norman Corwin, writer in the great days of radio, R.I.P.

A man named Norman Corwin died Tuesday.

I first heard of Corwin through J. Michael Straczynski, who is the creator and chief writer of the television series Babylon 5, and the screenwriter of films including The Changeling, directed by Clint Eastwood.

Straczynski admired Corwin inordinately, naming a recurring character in B5 after him and talking about him as "a writer's writer." So when I got a chance to listen to Corwin's work on one of those "Old-Time Radio" sets, I paid particular attention.

JMS was right. This guy was great.

Sometimes called "the poet laureate of radio," Corwin could be childlike in his passion for wordplay. A couple of his most acclaimed works, The Plot To Overthrow Christmas and my personal favorite, The Undecided Molecule, were written entirely in rhyme. They sound like Dr. Seuss before anybody sounded like Dr. Seuss, including Dr. Seuss.

As well-described by journalist (and Corwin's cousin by marriage) Cindy Sher, The Undecided Molecule-
relates the account of a molecule who refuses to work for one of the elements. In the story, the court charges the molecule with:
Unwilling to be named.

Rebelling when defined.

Declining to be blamed.

Objecting when assigned.

Protesting when selected.

Resisting an attack.

Refusing to be directed.

And talking back.


(BTW, the court that's mentioned is presided over by Groucho Marx.)

Defending itself, the molecule says through an interpreter:

I cannot chide
My inner soul:
I must confide
I've set a goal...


Let me explain to you how widely admired Corwin was in his day. He was famous enough to appear as a guest star on comedy programs of the time, where his work was satirized under the assumption that audiences would be familiar enough with the original. (This was a good assumption. Keep reading.)

He had his own radio shows--named after him and promoted on the strength of that name--as a writer. One of those programs, incidentally, was placed on the air opposite one of Bob Hope's. This put Corwin in the rare position of, as he put it, literally "hoping against Hope."

The period just before, during and at the end of WWII was probably Corwin's peak, and indeed he book-ended it with a couple of his most highly regarded works.

In 1941 he was asked to write a program commemorating the 150th anniversary of the bill of rights. Between his agreeing to write it and its broadcast, however, Pearl Harbor happened, and the US entered the war.

This lent an almost frightening intensity to the delivery of such picturesque phrases:

One hundred fifty years is not long in the reckoning of a hill. But to a man it's long enough.
One hundred fifty years is a weekend to a redwood tree, but to a man it's two full lifetimes.
One hundred years is a twinkle to a star, but to a man it's time enough to teach six generations what the meaning is of Liberty, how to use it, when to fight for it!


And in the closing Jimmy Stewart, who'd already enlisted, asked:
Can it be progress if our Bill of Rights is stronger now than when it was conceived?


In 1944, Corwin wrote a piece called Untitled. This reviews the life of a soldier only recently killed in action, from the varying perspectives of the M.O. who pronounced him, the doctor who delivered him, his mother; teachers, the girl he left behind, the editor of a paper reporting his death, his friend...and the enemy who shot him.

By the end of the piece, we learn that the voice that has been narrating all this is of course that of the deceased man wondering if his sacrifice has been worth it:

From my acre of now undisputed ground I will be listening:
I will be tuned to clauses in the contract where the word Democracy appears
And how the freedoms are inflicted to a Negro's ear.
I shall listen for a phrase obliging little peoples of the earth:
For Partisans and Jews and Puerto Ricans,
Chinese farmers, miners of tin ore beneath Bolivia;
I shall listen how the words go easy into Russian
And the idiom's translated to the tongue of Spain.

I shall wait and I shall wait in a long and long suspense
For the password that the Peace is setting solidly.

On that day, please to let my mother know
Why it had to happen to her boy.



That's heavy stuff, so let me give you a couple more examples of the lighter side of Corwin. The writer also acted as director for most of his broadcast work, and like the best writers (not just the best radio writers, the best writers) and directors, he was attuned to music and sound as well as the spoken word.

Describing a cue for music he wanted in his play Savage Encounter, he wrote:
A nocturne expressing the south sea island you remember from your fondest imaginings. Healthy lusts and red flowers and blue skies and bare breasts are all mixed up in it.


Obviously, this was my kind of guy.

For another play he needed the sound of his characters rushing down the stairs in fear of missing their train (the play was about a romantic meeting on the railways between a soldier and a girl).

For authenticity's sake, rather than rely upon the sound effects men, he directed his leads to walk away from the microphone (given a portable one so there was no break). Then they went out of the studio completely and into the building's stairwell, where they performed their dialogue before returning.

And remember, this was in the days when everything was broadcast live. It worked without a hitch.

Okay, everybody got their breath back? Good.

As the end of the war approached, Corwin wrote There Will Be Time Later, the intent of which was to fight off complacency, isolationism, and political attacks. He used the characters of a fascist and the diffident to ask:

Why should we bother with the Great Unwashed?


And gave this reply:

...when you tell him it's the Great Unwashed who wash away the stains of high corruption,
It's the common man, un-manicured, whose hand prevails against the Elite Guard,
He will rejoin:

You make me sick, you and your people with a capital P.

At that point you can break the news to him:
The People shall remain in capitals, coming before Princes in the alphabet of things...


I have a book about Corwin called On A Note Of Triumph. The author of that book, R. LeRoy Bannerman, said critics of the day
"...saw in Corwin a fresh, new influence: an independent whose concept of broadcasting dared to be different. They saw in his work literacy uncommon in the communicative arts."


In his book Raised on Radio Gerald Nachman says of Corwin:
"Whatever his shortcomings--purple passages, heavy-handed
irony, liberal bias--they were overcome by the programs' ambitions, impact,
superior writing, and high production values."


Bannerman's book is named after what is arguably Corwin's most famous work On A Note Of Triumph, written for the end of World War II. The first broadcast of this show was heard by some 60 million Americans. (That's over half of the adult population at the time. Remember what I said about it being a good assumption that audiences knew his work?)

The response was both overwhelming and overwhelmed. One person wrote, "I didn't expect this so soon."

Expect what?

Expect this:

How much did it cost?

Well, the gun, the halftrack, and the fuselage come to a figure resembling mileages between two stars-
Impressive, but not to be grasped by any single imagination.
High octane is high, and K rations in the aggregate mount up; also mosquito netting and battleships.
But these costs are calculable, and have no nerve endings.
And will eventually be taken care of by the federal taxes on antiques, cigarettes, and excess profits.
However, in the matter of the kid who used to deliver folded newspapers to your doorstep, flipping them sideways from his bicycle,
And who died on a jeep in the Ruhr,
There is no fixed price, and no amount of taxes can restore him to his mother.



Expect that.

(About five years ago, a documentary about Corwin and that broadcast, A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin, won the Documentary--short subject--Oscar.)

But, for that piece he had months to prepare. For his last program written about the war, he had one night. He began on August 13th a program he completed on, and titled, 14 August, read by Orson Welles.

Once again, Corwin refused to rejoice while forgetting to count the cost:

The turtle is young at sixty-one, but the flier is dead at eighteen.

Remember them when July comes around
And the shimmer of noon excites the locusts
When the pretty girls bounce as they walk in the park,
And the moth is in love with the fifty-watt bulb
And the tar on the road is blistered.


For further reading: An interview with Corwin from about 15 years ago.

"Pre-e-e-pare thee the way of the lord!"

Photobucket

Monday, October 17, 2011

Time for this blog's most popular recurring feature

That's right kids, once again it's...

"Who's searching for me now?"

Today's contestant comes to us from an IP Address for Comcast Cable in Detroit, Michigan, here in the great USA.

To my knowledge, I do not know anyone in Detroit, Michigan.

Spent a few hours in the airport there when I was flying back-and-forth to Tennessee, and was much impressed with same (the airport, not Tennessee).

But whoever this is, he, she or undecided (and with some of my friends past and present it's hard to tell) found this blog by Googling my name; stayed around for almost a minute.

Friday, October 14, 2011

365.119 - it's Harley Quinn

365.119 - it's Harley Quinn by nettsu
365.119 - it's Harley Quinn, a photo by nettsu on Flickr.

The remarkably psychotic.

I know this REALLY isn't a new thought, but MAN this country is screwed up about sex

The following is taken from the introduction to the book Baptism by Fire: Eight Presidents Who Took Office in times of Crisis By Mark K. Updegrove.

In the last half century alone we have lamented the end of American innocence around the cold war, John F. Kennedy's assassination, Vietnam, Watergate, the Iran hostage crisis, Iran-contra, Monica Lewinsky, 9/11, and, more recently, the war in Iraq, our fading status abroad, and the global economic crisis, imagining the simpler times that preceded them.


Emphasis mine.

Which one of these things is not like the others...

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Surprising searches under which you'll find this blog

We are now the number two result if you Google the phrase,
oh spiffy

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Drowned

Drowned by chrisjohnbeckett
Drowned, a photo by chrisjohnbeckett on Flickr.

Damned by lust and gone to hell
And then I look into your eyes
And something melts
I shake inside
And cool water
Washes me all over
Washes me away
And still I'm drowning

Saturday, October 01, 2011

I wonder which is more humiliating

Getting less money than everybody else, or having everybody know you're making less money than everybody else?