I haven't seen any of the films on Yahoo!'s list of "The 10 Biggest Movie Flops of 2011 (So Far)," but that's not going to keep me from Schadenfreude about some of them...and/or use them as an excuse to run some photos of aesthetic young women...
THE BEAVER
Yahoo! sez:
Many saw it as a referendum on Mel Gibson, who stars in the $20 million film.
That may well be. But personally, I think they might've had a chance of selling a few more tickets if the director had taken a possessory credit.
MARS NEEDS MOMS
It's possible you may never know the joy that it gave me when this latest motion-capture eyesore by that dullard Robert Zemeckis fell flat.
ARTHUR
Teach them to try to remake one of my two favorite romantic comedies...
PROM
Actually this one I don't care one way or the other about, except that I'm sorry Aimee Teegarden of Friday Night Lights hasn't had a smooth transition into films.
JUDY MOODY AND THE NOT BUMMER SUMMER
A film where Heather Graham stays completely dressed. Who would've thought that would fail?
GREEN LANTERN
All I know is that from the first time I saw Ryan Reynolds in a trailer, I said, "That's not Hal Jordan."
PRIEST
I freely admit this is pure sexual jealousy, but I think it's just beautiful whenever Jennifer Connelly's husband goes splat.
SUCKER PUNCH
Nothing for me to say about this one except that the characters had lovely bodies (at least, based on the posters, which as we all know are never deceptive).
But it does give me a chance to plug one of my favorite Podcasts: How Did This Get Made?
I'm feeling a little pressed for time, so I'm just going to copy and paste the description from their web page:
Have you ever seen a movie so bad that it's amazing? Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas want to hear about it! We'll watch it with our funniest friends, and report back to you with the results.
And finally--
HOODWINKED TOO! GOOD VS EVIL
I knew this didn't have a chance when I heard they'd made the inexplicable decision to replace Anne Hathaway as a voice performer.
(Rio made$140.5M--You hear what I'm saying to you?)
Remember that? When Bill O'Reilly tried to sue Al Franken because Franken's book annoyed him, and it only had the effect of publicizing the book to the top of the bestseller lists? Yeah, I remember that too.
Unfortunately--at least for them--some anti-Obama "Birthers" seem to have missed that memo altogether. Specifically, one Joseph Farah and Jerome Corsi.
Farah is the CEO of WorldNetDaily.com, a shameful website that complains whenever someone suggests homosexuals are actual human beings (at other times, too) and promotes the nonsensical "war against Christmas" idea.
Corsi at least can say he's no anti-Obama come lately, as even before Obama was elected President, Corsi was comparing the then-Senator to Hitler. He was also one of those vulgar enough to say that when Obama flew to the side of his dying grandmother--who you know he loved very much if you read his books--he was really going to get his birth certificate.
Speaking of, Corsi wrote, and Farah published, the book Where’s the Birth Certificate? The Case That Barack Obama Is Not Eligible to Be President, and now:
Warren published the article on May 18, 2011, just after Obama released his long-form birth certificate, answering the doubts of Corsi and other so-called birthers...“BREAKING! Jerome Corsi’s Birther Book Pulled From Shelves!”
Fellas, fellas, fellas: You've failed to learn from what G.B. Trudeau wrote in his book Flashbacks: 25 Years of Doonesbury:
Satire picks a one-sided fight, and the more its intended target reacts, the more its practitioner gains the advantage.
Oh, my god. So help me, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Dennis Miller. Like a lot of people, I used to think he was a pretty great comic; I liked him a lot.
I used to quote his lines very often, some I still do, like the one comparing therapists to hairstylists: "When I leave, my head looks great, an hour later I can't get it to look like that again." Even saw him live in San Francisco once--with a bonus walk-on performance by Robin Williams, yet.
But now? It's not just that he's no longer funny. It's not that his political vantage point has changed. It's that I fear for his sanity. And not for the first time. I noticed back in 2004, writing about his low-rated MSNBC show:
Miller treated his invited guest the way a sulky adolescent treats a chore he doesn’t want to do, like homework.
Then there's this post I wrote two or three years ago, saying of an appearance with Bill O'Reilly,
Watch this and tell me if at some moment you don't get the feeling you're watching a man who is literally out of his head.
Whether or not that's from drink and/or drugs or just his mind snapping from the sheer weight of his stupidity is not for me to say.
And most recently, like 15 minutes ago, I was trying to be brave and watch him on the Ferguson show. Literally the first words out of his mouth are an Anthony Weiner joke. Always on the cutting edge.
But then a little bit later he and Craig get to talking about some tour he's doing with the self-same O'Reilly. Craig throws a line about how they should do a set "like Martin & Lewis," with O'Reilly trying to sing straight and Miller cutting up the act with interruptions.
Ten seconds later (I swear to you), Miller says, "Oh, like Dino and Jerry." In other words, for ten full seconds, he'd had no idea what Ferguson was talking about. He totally spaced.
Now, granted that Dean and Jerry's peak was around the early '50s (give-or-take), when Miller was born. It'd be one thing if, like, some CW drama star named Brandon (they're all named Brandon) was not hip to the reference.
But for a 58-year-old man, a comedian, someone who was alive when the team was still working together as a duo to go up on that...well for me at least, that moves past sad through scary all the way up to spooky.
Then after Craig talked about how he prefers to avoid politics on his show for the most part (which is true), Miller's reaction was to take a couple of swipes at Nancy Pelosi. And just when I think that I couldn't dislike him any more, he takes a shot at Jonathan Winters. In fact, you know what I was saying about feeling sorry for him? Forget that.
...that Cars 2 has ended up being the first Pixar film to receive a "Rotten" rating from the Rotten Tomatoes site. Making a sequel to that first film was always going to be a dicey affair. It was by far their previously weakest, especially in terms of having a solid plot; it was pulled up mostly by some fine voice work (including by, I hate to say it, Larry the Cable Guy).
But, they had to stumble and fall eventually. I suppose I'm glad it was an attempt on a franchise that I don't care about. Rather than, say, a Ratatouille Deux.
Hmmmmm...a possible clue. Per her Facebook page, the great parodist--and, we hope, future Dancing With the Stars contestant--Julie Brown (of "The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun" fame) is in Hawaii.
Original post:
Todays "Who's searching for me now?" question:
Someone from a Hawaiian IP found this blog yesterday by Yahoo! searching "Ben A. Varkentine." That's the version of my name I use on Facebook, and I do have a friend on there who is currently "second honeymooning" in Hawaii. But she says it wasn't her, 'cos...she's second honeymooning, for crying out loud.
So I am left but to wonder.
It was probably President Obama. Or maybe Hewitt's on vacation again, and remembered the nice things I've said about her body.
Ok so we reported a couple of days ago that Megan Fox apparently 'left' Transformers because director Michael Bay was over sexualising her and making her feel uncomfortable in her new role as America's sexiest woman.
...it was no surprise to learn that there may be more to this story, as apparently Michel Bay was told to fire Megan by executive producer [Spielberg] after some 'Hitler' comments that Megan was quoted as saying about Bay.
So what exactly did she say? Well in 2009 Fox told Wonderland magazine;
"He's like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation," she said. "He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward."
To which Bay was reported as saying; "You know the Hitler thing, Steven said, ‘Fire her right now.'"
Ok, so, like, on 4chan somebody posted images from Saw III and made like it was some sort of "Take revenge on the Muslims" thing. I *think* they were trying to be funny. But in an attempt to one-up them and show what the images really were, somebody else on the thread linked to one of my posts, which is how I found out about this.
That's right. My Saw obsession is now being used to help spread truth and light throughout the world.
I don't know the play, but based on their previous work, I would expect good things. Too bad I won't be able to see it unless my circumstances change drastically before the end of the month.
At any rate, there is your Maura Tierney Update. That is all.
You motherfucker. People on your side are actually shooting doctors to death and you're willing to mock that by casting yourself as some kind of red-state Superman? ("The bullets just bounce off my chest!)"
You utter, total and complete son of a bitch mockery of a human being.
(And BTW...if you're not familiar with ole' "man on dog," may I suggest you Google him? In fact...even if you are. Google him. Maybe Google him twice. Be sure to click on two or three of the results.)
"This is part of the problem with the way this has progressed and one of the reasons I was perhaps, you'll forgive me, a little stiff yesterday," [Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY)] said.
That's it. I want this man to run for president.
The Congressman is doing interviews with CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News to discuss the matter.
"I'm doing them in order of....something," he told reporters.
"Size," Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) said, interrupting him from nearby.
"That's what I didn't need right now," Weiner replied.
Can I ask something? Exactly what law would the Congressman have broken even if the picture is of him, and he did "tweet" it to that young woman? I don't believe he did, but if he had, so what? He's single. She's an adult.
I guess some might say it's creepy for an older man to pursue a much younger woman...but Newt Gingrich and John McCain better not be among them...
See if you can count the contradictions in this sentence: Rev. Ted Haggard will make a cameo as himself in a Christian sex comedy promoting abstinence, with the tagline "abstinence never felt so good."
Called The Waiting Game, the movie follows a schlub named Jack who's super excited about finally losing his virginity on his wedding night, but is foiled when his fiancee leaves him at the altar.
Rich Praytor, one of the producers, acknowledged the similarities between The Waiting Game and Virgin. "I love all the Judd Apatow movies -- '40 Year Old Virgin,' 'Knocked Up,' 'Superbad' -- they're all great," he told the Colarado Springs Gazette.
Sigh. Look, I've tried to tell you this before. Conservative republicans are not funny. There are no funny conservative republicans. They don't exist. Only people with a history of connections to unfunny things make conservative republican comedies.
Candace Cameron, of Full House fame, is also attached to the project as Jack's love interest.
My pal Corey Klemow is featured in this commercial. It was made for a contest that Chevy had, and took fifth place! Right now it's just on YouTube, but if it gets enough views, who knows where it could end up?
Okay. You know how there's been a lot of hand-wringing in recent years about how girls are dressing way too provocatively way too young?
And you know how the go-to shot at girls like that (and implied shot at the parents) is "You look like a whore? Right.
Look, between you, me and the lamppost, and as I referred to yesterday, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I don't care to look at young women in sexy clothes, and bras and things. (But then, I also enjoy seeing older women like that. My fantasy age range spreads from Kim Cattrall to Kristen Stewart.)
So, I don't really join in the "slutwear shaming." But...for pete's sake, Miley...
...she looks like she's playing Elisabeth Shue's role in a J-Pop version of Leaving Las Vegas...
Wait, it gets better. Why did they do this? Because ...
Hillary Clinton's expression, right hand clasped over her mouth in astonishment, is largely responsible for making the above photo iconic--and, to at least one newspaper, sexually suggestive.
Apparently this paper has a policy of never printing pictures of women, for precisely the same reason.
Now friends, you in my vast reading audience know...I don't have to look too far to find a situation or a picture sexually suggestive. I have a filthy mind with the best of 'em and I make little secret of it. But oh, my God...
This reminds us we have radical religions in this country too. It's also like the old saying: You're entitled to your opinion, but you're not entitled to your own facts.
Women were in the room at that moment. A woman is the freakin' Secretary of State. Another is national director of counterterrorism (I'd like to think she's a real life Chloe from the good seasons of 24). I presume they took no small part in the discussions that led to the President's decision.
As sexist as their policy may be (in fact, is), the editors and/or publishers have a right to that policy. They don't have the right to change history.
Andy Card is the guy who set up George W. Bush's "Mission Accomplished" thing. You remember that (and if you don't, follow that link). However, Card feels that President Obama has not shown nearly enough humility about the whole actually having taken out Osama bin Laden thing.
What pisses me off is that it takes them four paragraphs, 12 lines, and 160 words to mention either of the creative team that made the movie--and then when they do, they mention only one of them, and get his role in the partnership wrong:
In an interview with the List director Leigh Whannell says, " It's not that we're saying 'no sequels', it's just that we haven't put any thought into it because we're still so focussed on the release of this one and we're way too superstitious to talk about a sequel."
Sigh. Leigh Whannell is the writer of Insidious (and also plays a role in the film), not the director. His partner James Wan is the director.
(They also created and worked on the first three installments of a little film franchise I like to call... Saw. Which is probably al least part of why I'm touchy about seeing them properly credited, though I like to think I'm a stickler for proper credit in any case.)
This is derived from a long meme I found on Becca's blog. She answered all 30 questions in one post; I think the original idea was to answer one a day for a month. I'm shooting for something in-between, breaking it down into three parts...which seemed appropriate.
This is part three.
21. Your favorite moment in Empire Strikes Back
22. Your favorite moment in Return of the Jedi
The Emperor tries and fails to corrupt Luke. As with the Yoda/Obi-Wan situation, it's very much a toss-up between this and the Sarlaac pit sequence.
23. Something you wished was different in the series
A. They wouldn't have replaced the animated Clone Wars with the CGI one.
B. Okay, the end of Return of the Jedi. Vader is watching the Emperor electrocute Luke and, we know, about to come back over to the light side of the force. Arguably, the whole series, including all the tie-ins, has been leading up to this. And it's played on an expressionless piece of dark plastic.
Every time I see this, I think the same thing: Why didn't they have Luke knock off part of Vader's helmet during their fight? Like, at least enough that we could see his eyes? That way, they would've been able to actually show Vader struggling with and overcoming his conflict.
Plus, think how dramatic an "unveiling" that would've been. Compared to the "Oh look, Darth Vader is really just a harmless-looking old man" unmasking that we did get. That's been bothering me for years.
C. Get rid of the stupid CGI character idea and cast a living actor as Jar-Jar Binks.
The George Lucas who thought it was a good idea for Greedo to get off the first shot.
25. Your favorite book/series from the Expanded Universe
(book)
or
(series)
Funny thing is, both of these are spin-offs of other tie-ins (or vice versa) that don't appeal to me in the slightest.
26. Your favorite Obi-Wan Kenobi quote Alec Guinness version:
"Mos Eisley spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
He deserved the Academy Award nomination for being able to speak that line alone.
Ewan McGregor version:
"So uncivilized..."
BTW, least favorite:
"Not even the younglings survived!"
That's the worst line in a movie most of the dialogue of which makes me want to perform a self-lobotomy with a spoon.
27. Your favorite Yoda quote See "Favorite Quote" in Episode 2 of this Meme.
28. Your favorite Darth Vader quote:
Darth Maul: "What could you hate enough to destroy me?"
Darth Vader: "Me."
BTW, an aside: I didn't realize until I was coming up with these posts how many of my favorite scenes were the light saber fights.
But it fits in with what I think is one of the weaknesses of the prequels. In the original trilogy, those fights usually took place in the third act. There'd be at least one scene earlier in the film to establish what a light saber was, but the big battles were almost always saved to the end. I think they had much greater dramatic power that way.
In the prequels, though, Lucas was basically trapped by having established that they were the "elegant weapons of a more civilized age." It's hard for scenes like the "Duel of the Fates" in Ep. 1 to have as much impact, at least on me, when it feels like we've been watching light sabers waggle around for most of the past two hours.
29. Best Star Wars related story/incident you’ve had
When I was in high school, my best friend and I were watching Star Wars either on TV or on tape one day. We got to the scene where they’re briefing the X-Wing pilots before the attack on the Death Star, and these lines:
General: The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use proton torpedoes. Wedge Antilles (Red 2): That's impossible! Even for a computer.
Then in perfect unison with Luke, I said "It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters."
And then looked up to see the strangest look on my friends face...
30. Why you love Star Wars
These past three posts notwithstanding...I'm not always sure that I do. As a fully-grown (allegedly) man, I acknowledge that Star Wars is far, far from perfect: The dialogue in the prequels and the awful padding in Return of the Jedi being particular pet peeves. To say nothing of the writing of the female characters.
I also think Lucas's motive at this point is almost completely greed. One of my pet theories about Star Wars characters and stories is that they get much better the less Lucas has to do with them.
Other writers are much, much better than he is at crafting compelling stories and presenting believable characters. Even in the crukking video game tie-ins. But this also applies to the movies themselves.
Look at Empire. By my readings, it seems to have been the film with which Lucas had the least to do...and 99% of fans, I think, would say it's the best.
BTW, speaking of Empire: I don't care about this video game. Never played it, or the original. So I don't care if there's a second sequel to the game.
But if there isn't a novel, graphic or otherwise, to wrap up the Empire-like loose ends left at the end of this storyline...ooh, I'm gonna be pissed.
On the other hand, of courses I love it first and foremost because I'm of the generation for whom it was all, really and truly, new.
Like a lot of us, I tend to get very protective of my first experiences of it (hence, "I will never call it "A New Hope').
It's also a way in which I bond with my nephew (the Jedi Ewoks were his idea).
In an interview with Popeater, Paltrow addressed just why she believes she has so many critics by saying:
"I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. I think that a lot of people don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you... [They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it."
In an age in which America's class-divide is greater than it's ever been, our patience has simply waned for the George W. Bush's and Gwyneth Paltrow's of the world -- people who were born on third base and act like they hit a triple. America was founded on the idea that everyone has equal opportunity to carve out their piece of the American Dream, but increasingly that's becoming less and less of a reality. And there's something infuriating about listening to people born into the Dream -- silver rattle in one hand, silver spoon in the other -- lecture the rest of us on how easy it is to obtain -- if we're just willing to "work our asses off" like they do.
It seems like there used to be an unspoken pact between those who were born into privilege and the rest of us to keep all out class warfare from breaking out. They would quietly go about spending their money in respectable, socially beneficial ways -- philanthropies and such -- and we wouldn't publicly point out that the only way they got their job, record deal, book deal, political appointment etc. was because of the last name of their parent or their spouse. But not only have people begun riding their families' coattails more publicly (Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Tori Spelling, Ben Quayle, Megan McCain, George W. Bush, Jenna Bush, Ms. Paltrow, the list goes on), but it's become par for the course for these same people to dismiss allegations of nepotism out of turn, which would be funny if most people weren't too busy trying to figure out how to pay for college to laugh.
So I've been meaning to talk some about the show Mr. Sunshine, co-created by and starring Matthew Perry as the manager of a huge arena. I don't think I'm going to watch it any more (if there is any more), but I've watched every episode to date, and at a certain point I realized I was doing so not because I was especially enjoying it.
Rather because I was trying to figure out why it just wasn't working for me. And this is what I've come up with: They're trying to do Aaron Sorkin without having Sorkin, and Perry is out of tune with the rest of his show.
The similarities to a Sorkin show are easily evident, with Sunshine being set "backstage," as all of Sorkin's series (West Wing, Sports Night, Studio 60) are, and underlined by the presence of more than a few past Sorkin collaborators either in front of or behind the camera.
Aspiring to do a Sorkin-type show is a worthy goal, to be sure, but one thing this demonstrates is that it's harder than it looks. Even Sorkin doesn't keep his balance all the time, look at the third season of West Wing, and his ear for language is rare if not unique among his peers.
Without maintaining that balance, and without that sense of language, Sunshine is swimming against the tide...and it doesn't help that Perry is going in a different direction.
Perry appears to have two different styles of acting, both of which can be very effective.
One of these is, not necessarily only dramatic, but certainly more reflective, such as he employed on Studio 60 and his guest bits on West Wing. The other is basically sitcom, or more specifically Chandler, the wisecracker covering up emotional turmoil.
The latter mode frankly can be a bit overacted, but usually that's okay because it's in keeping with the rest of the show (nobody seriously thought Friends had much of a connection to real life, did they? And I liked the show.)
Trouble is that the two don't work together very well. On Sunshine, we have most of the cast smoothly underplaying (and hence coming off a little bit boring), while Perry overacts like Celine Dion putting over a song.
Only Allison Janney strikes a consistent balance, and appears to be having the time of her life, but she's helped by the fact that the weight of the show is not on her shoulders.
The combined result is like watching idiot acrobats who don't understand physics try to make a teeter-totter work with one person at one end and everybody else at the other. After a while, you gotta wonder why they're just standing there.
This is derived from a long meme I found on Becca's blog. She answered all 30 questions in one post; I think the original idea was to answer one a day for a month. I'm shooting for something in-between, breaking it down into three parts...which seemed appropriate.
The Millennium Falcon destroys the Imperial fighter at the end of Star Wars (I will never call it "A New Hope.")
"You're all clear kid, now lets blow this thing and go home!"
13. Favorite quote
"...a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice."
14. A scene that makes you happy
15. A scene that makes you sad/angry Luke after Vader "kills" Ben Kenobi.
16. Photo of your Star Wars related things (books, action figures, posters, shirts, etc.)
Don't have one. It's not a lot, anyway--just a few books. But there is this picture of me Christmas morning 1980 (I think)...
17. Your favorite moment in The Phantom Menace
The 22 years before it.
18. Your favorite moment in Attack of the Clones
19. Your favorite moment in Revenge of the Sith
Obi-Wan light sabers Darth's remaining limbs off and leaves him to burn to death (he thinks). Either that or "POWER! UNLIMITED... POWER!"
20. Your favorite moment in Star Wars See "All time favorite scene in any of the movies," above.
"We cannot continue this out of control spending. It is basically economic child abuse," said Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) during an interview on Fox News."
PS: Having gone to the Tenn well twice today, I feel compelled to say again: I have no Google Alert or something like that tripped to email me when stories about The State of Insanity appear. They just find me.
Because it's usually good fun and also underlines some things I take pride in avoiding in my own work. Case in point: Your Highness; the female characters therof:
I mentioned boobs. Yes, there are a lot of boobs in this movie. But not much interest in women. Zooey Deschanel plays the intended bride of Franco, the son of the king. She's brought onstage, quickly kidnapped by an evil sorcerer, spends a good deal of time as a captive in his lair, is rescued and lives happily ever after. She might as well be a mannequin, for all she's given to say and do. This intelligent, nuanced actress, standing there baffled. Used as a placeholder.
Natalie Portman is the Xena clone, a fierce warrior, laid on for anime fans who seem to regard such characters as masturbatory fantasies. She too has no personality, although she has more dialogue, all of it expressing cliches of steely determination.
"I believe the teachers in New Jersey in the main are wonderful public servants and care deeply. But they're union – their union are a group of political thugs."
Emphasis mine.
Then I was going to say, "I like a story about criticizing teachers that ends up showing the need for good ones."
(I'm on a grammar kick today.)
As I say, that's what I was going to do. But when I tried, I got:
This message contains blocked content that has previously been flagged as abusive or spammy. Let us know if you think this is an error.
Now, I don't know if it was the use of the word "thugs" or just that in combination with "political." But I feel like it's got to say something about something that a U.S. Governor is using language you're not allowed to use on Facebook.
All in order of criticizing people for having the temerity to expect a decent wage and respect in the workplace for educating his constituents. Why wouldn't the GOP want the U.S. to have an educated populace?
The painting, "Two Tahitian Women," went back on display Tuesday after conservators determined that the painting, which was covered by Plexiglas, sustained no damage after a visitor attempted to pull it off the wall and hit it Friday.
The woman charged in the attack, Susan Burns, of Alexandria, Va., is expected to appear in D.C. Superior Court on Wednesday.
Sigh...wouldn't you just know she'd be from Virginia? (My mother comes from there.)
According to court documents, Burns told investigators: "I feel that Gauguin is evil.
Um...no, Gauguin was an artist. And while I don't know enough about his life to say whether he was a moral man personally-and I suspect my definition differs from hers...doesn't matter. We're talking about one of his paintings, which can be neither evil nor virtuous.
He has nudity and is bad for the children.
Look lady, there's a little thing called context. Not all nudity looks like it comes from the pages of Playboy.
He has two women in the painting and it's very homosexual.
As we all know, two women = homosexual. It's just the way it works.
Just as any combination of six men and women leads you to an omni-sexual orgy:
Oh BTW, this is the painting:
You can clearly see how in this case, the work is not just homosexual, it is very homosexual.
I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned. I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head.
You know...I'm beginning to think this woman just may be crazy.
This is derived from a long meme I found on Becca's blog. She answered all 30 questions in one post; I think the original idea was to answer one a day for a month. I'm shooting for something in-between, breaking it down into three parts...which seemed appropriate.
1. All-time favorite character in Star Wars
Yoda. According to one of those quizzes (which as we know are never wrong) he's the Attack of the Clones character I'd be.
2. Favorite member of the Rebellion
Luke Skywalker. Or Leia Organa. Or Han Solo. Or C3PO...this is hard!
3. Favorite member of the Empire
I suppose I can't say Galen Marek, can I? He was Vader's apprentice but never actually a...so, ooh, Juno Eclipse!
4. Favorite Jedi
Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi. Honestly it's a toss up between him and Yoda for all-time favorite or favorite Jedi.
5. Favorite droid
R2D2
6. Favorite type of ship, or specific ship
X-Wings
7. Favorite planet
Kamino. I like a watery world, so it was either this or the Gungan part of Naboo, and that was never going to happen.
8. Favorite movie in the original trilogy
Empire Strikes Back
9. Favorite movie in the prequel trilogy
Attack of the Clones
10. Favorite photo that’s related to Star Wars The Yoda-Buddha!
This naturally begs the question: Which fantasy world would I like to live in?
I'm tempted to choose the world of Back to The Future, a world wherein it can be both constantly 1985 and Lea Thompson forever young and hot (now she's merely older...and hot).
However, the drawback to this is, it would be a world directed by Robert Zemeckis and there's no way that would agree with me for very long.
Plus it's a world where Elisabeth Shue is unrecognizable, and you know that's wrong.
And sadly, not George Lucas' universe either. Sure the music would be great, and it would look very pretty.
But a reality wherein everyone speaks Lucas-style dialogue would force me to hang myself.
So here's what I came up with.
1. The world in which Republicans keep telling me we are living. Where we have a really progressive, even--gasp!--liberal president. I swear if we were living in the world they seem to be tearing their hair out over, I wouldn't need to take pills to go sleep at night.
2. The world of The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. All you need to know is: It's Gilliam, plus it has a couple of beautiful girls in it, one of whom grows up to be an incredibly talented director and writer-
3. Canada. Don't tell me it's real. No, I'm kidding.
3. Tolkien's Hobbiton. The one scored by Jules Bass and Maury Laws, pls.
4. The Muppets world.
If I have to explain this one, get the hell out of my blog and don't let me see you back here until you've seen the first two Muppet movies and every single episode of The Muppet Show. I'm sorry, but I have to have some standards.
5. SawWorld.
No, I'm kidding again. The world I live in has enough bleak endings, thank you.
5. The world of Wall-E. It's a world of enduring love and greatly animated beings, which is all I need in order to be happy to be alive.
You in my vast reading audience are well aware of my feelings regarding the state of Tennessee (in two words: They're insane). We could get into why I feel that way, but most of you either know the story, or don't care.
Suffice it to say I have come to depend upon Tennessee to give me periodic examples of that insanity. So when I saw this New York Times headline--
--I clicked away with great interest. What I found was a treasure trove of insanity beyond my wildest dreams. The deeper you go, the crazier it gets. To begin:
SPRING HILL, Tenn. — Earlier this month, at a news conference in an empty field on the east side of the city, a man named Dennis W. Peterson announced that he was bringing a theme park to the Tennessee countryside.
People had a few questions: Who was this man? What was his background? Where was he getting the money for all this? What happened to his front teeth? (They were recently lost, he explained to reporters, to a crispy chicken wing at Hooters.)
Already, I love this. A bumpkin would-be theme park owner. But as I promised...there's more...
Michael Dinwiddie, the mayor of Spring Hill, was one of the only people to know about the project, having quietly worked on it with Mr. Peterson for two months. It thrilled him. For a small city like Spring Hill, 45 minutes from Nashville, it was the magic kingdom of economic development.
"Mayor Dinwiddie." The man's name and title is "Mayor Dinwiddie." What is this, an 18th-century children's book?
"Mayor Dinwiddie and the Mystery of the Empty Chair."
"Mayor Dinwiddie and the Ice-Cream Social."
"Mayor Dinwiddie Takes a Wife."
"Mayor Dinwiddie Has Two Mommies." (OK, maybe that last one's not from the 18th century)
We continue:
Still, there was something curious about the whole thing. For one, no one had contacted state authorities about the plans.
Hmmmmm. Yes, that does seem curious. You'd think Mayor Dinwiddie would've thought of that.
Local reporters and bloggers uncovered more oddities, starting with Mr. Peterson’s company, the Big International Group of Entertainment. The company, it was discovered, had its license revoked last year by the State of Nevada. The company’s president, Roger Kidneigh, who did not return messages seeking comment, had declared personal bankruptcy, claiming assets of less than $200,000.
Okay...first of all...just how Pythonesque is that company name? "Mr. Peterson now formed a big international group, which he called, 'The Big International Group." Further:
Reached by phone, the woman listed as the company’s treasurer said she had never actually worked for Big International Group and did not want her name associated with it.
"I don't know them, I tell you! Leave me alone!" Before the cock crows, you will deny the Big International Group three times.
Festival Tennessee was not the company’s only dream. Several music magazines had been discussed, as was a theme park in Las Vegas. There were plans for “The Way of the Unicorn,” an animated movie about an orphan named Sailor — to have been voiced by Michael Jackson — who saves the world with the help of some endangered species.
They fell through.
Pity, that sounds as if it could've been a right winner. I'll bet you Robert Zemickis is still kicking himself (not hard enough for my liking...but that's another post).
Thomas Maierle, who is listed as a former officer of Big International Group, said Festival Tennessee would be different.
“It’s not easy putting something like this together,” said Mr. Maierle, who has something of a troubled record himself but says he still advises Mr. Peterson on business dealings. Asked what his position was with the company now, Mr. Maierle, who is on parole in Michigan for possession of “child sexually abusive material,” said that was “a subjective question.” But he said he had faith in Mr. Peterson.
Follow along with me now: A "Magic Kingdom"-style amusement park, which by definition would attract a largely child clientele, and they also wanted to be in business with Michael Jackson, and one of their former officers is a pervert. Are you beginning to sense why this article simply made my heart sing?
Still something missing, though...
David Anthony, a Nashville lawyer, had heard about Festival Tennessee before just about anyone around here. Last year, he said, a man facing foreclosure on several homes came forward with a promise that a millionaire in Florida was planning to buy three of the homes, at an inflated price of around $7 million. As proof of his financial resources, Mr. Anthony said, the millionaire — Mr. Peterson, as it turned out — sent the man a packet of material about vaguely planned projects, including Festival Tennessee and the “Unicorn” movie, with promises that the money would come later.
“These were magic beans,” Mr. Anthony said. The bank he represented in the case was unmoved.
That's it! Magic beans!
But of course, you know, not all the lawmakers of this Tennessee town can be such credulous fools.
This sort of thing gives pause to many Spring Hill residents, including Jonathan Duda, a city alderman. Mr. Duda said he had the same concerns now as he did last year when a man identifying himself as a Nigerian king — a claim viewed skeptically by everyone from the State Department to the Spring Hill police chief — was received with a ceremony on the steps of City Hall.
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, I mean err um, see?
(He didn't even have to do it through Cyberspace, for god's sake...)
Finally, to return to our hero, Mayor Dinwiddie...
“It should be a very positive story,” Mr. Dinwiddie said in an interview at the Cracker Barrel, where the hostess urged him to ignore all the negativity and asked if her daughter-in-law’s Irish dance troupe could get a show at the theme park.
"In an interview at the Cracker Barrel."
I just love any article that can justifiably use that phrase.
PROM
JUDY MOODY AND THE NOT BUMMER SUMMER
PRIEST
which as we all know are never deceptive). 
HOODWINKED TOO! GOOD VS EVIL
