Saturday, March 31, 2012

Things I don't have (and some I do)

...which, apparently, define the truth or not of my nerd or geekdom. List by Hal Hefner, via Kelly Sedinger, who is just a fountain of blog post ideas.

1) Conan The Barbarian Soundtrack

Nope. Don't have it.

2) Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

Don't have this either. Haven't read any Philip K. Dick since at least high school.

3) The Twilight Zone Collection:

Nope. Do, however, have an anthology of Jerry Goldsmith's film music which contains a suite from the TZ movie. I think that ought to count on at least a couple of levels, not the least of which is obscurity.

4) The Original Star Wars Trilogy – WITHOUT ANY ADDED CRAP

Sadly, no. But if I ever did own any version, that would be the only version I would own.

5) A Profound Hatred for Star Trek Enterprise

Don't give enough of a damn either way.

6) The Lord of The Rings Extended Edition, The Soundtracks and all of the books

Don't own them, have seen them all more than once, got two soundtracks from the library, own one, and read some or most of the books.

7) A Profound Sadness for the Way Battlestar Galactica Ended

Never caught the fascination for GB. Try the last season of Babylon 5 sometime, tho, and then talk to me about profound sadness.

8 ) A Passionately Favorite Version of the REAL Doctor Who

Y'damn right...and it's the one in my own head.

9) A Fear That Will Smith Will Someday Star in The Movie Adaptation of Your Favorite Book

If he comes near Jonathan Carroll, I will have to wait for him with a length of chain.

10) Toys from Your Childhood That You Refuse To Part With

Well, considering that I'm writing this with a fox puppet I got as a present in the '70s sitting on top of my computer monitor...

11) The Belief that the Word Midichlorian Was Just from a Nightmare and NOT a real Star Wars Movie

The problem with midichlorians, as I can't be the first person to point out, is that they switch the idea of "oneness with the Force" from something spiritual which can be attained through practice and discipline, to a question of genetic superiority: If you're not born part of the master race, you're basically doomed to life as a slave. How eugenic.

12) The Original TRON Movie

Don't own it, but it has a special place in my heart, and Tron Legacy stands up too. I do own the Wendy Carlos soundtrack to the original, and Cindy Morgan was one of my '80s crushes.

13) An affection for the TV show Firefly

Absolutely not. Look, I like one or two of the actors, I've always found it at the least smirk-worthy that fans of this show willingly gave themselves the name "Browncoats," because it sounds so much like "Brownshirts."

14) A Hatred for Chris O’Donnell

Nah. The last two seasons of Buffy, on the other hand...

15) You Know Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics:

Doesn't everyone?

16) You think Cheetara is HOT!

Nah. By the time Thundercats hit, I was already worshiping at the altar of the likes of Cybill Shepherd.

17) You Believe Aliens are our REAL Gods

Not even a little bit. Barry Gibb is our real god. Everybody knows that.

18) You Have a Favorite Animated Cult Sci-Fi Movie

I dunno, I probably do, but I love good animation and Sci-Fi, so it'd be a long list. The Clone Wars movie would not be on it (even if I'd seen it, I suspect).

19) You Blame Hot Rod for Optimus Prime’s Death

I don't even know what this means.

20) You DESPISE Michael Bay for Masturbating on your Childhood

As with Star Trek Enterprise, I don't care enough either way. I save my despising for those who screw up things that are really important.

Like Saw producer Mark Burg, whose greed and cynicism (I believe) turned "the last chapter" of that franchise into a kick in the crotch for those of us who thought the films were ever more than just blood and gore.

Plus, he let Betsy Russell get away, which has to be the most foolhardy move since that sorry freak Charlie Sheen did the same with Ginger Lynn.

(Burg is also Sheen's longtime manager, which cannot be a coincidence).

Or that dullard Robert Zemeckis, whose inspiration poor motion-capture "animation" is a poke in the eye to real lovers of the art form.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My joy in dragons is greater than my appreciation for beautiful women

Two things that all you regular members of my vast reading audience will know by now: I have an appreciation for beautiful women, and I enjoy dragons. But for those of you who have asked yourself: Which is greater?

(and yeah, I know, nobody's ever asked themselves that, including me, but just go with me for the bit, okay?)

We now have an answer. How?

In the movie Sucker Punch, which I have now seen, a whole fistful of lovely young ladies; with hot bods, cold-bloodedly slit the throat of a baby dragon. They insult and fire machine guns at its understandably angry mother, whom they then kill by plunging a sword through the top of her head. And these are the girls we're supposed to like.

And from beginning to end of the whole sequence, I was chanting, "Dragon! Dragon! Go, go, dragon!" So there you have it.

Of course, it's possible this isn't a fair test. I mean, maybe if the movie had given said lovely young ladies characters to play that I could've cared about, the scales might've been just a little more balanced.

But it didn't. I don't mean it gave them characters to play that I just didn't care about. I mean it didn't give them characters to play. Unless of course, "Jena Malone is adorable" (which she is) or "Jamie Chung has some nice curves" (which she does) are character traits...