Saturday, May 12, 2007

Okay, the Paris Hilton thing again, but for the very last time

From Yahoo! music (I'm not sure why it's in Yahoo! Music, but it is):

So anyhoo, when the judge refused to let Elliot take the fall, the harebrained heiress changed her strategy...and asked her fans to sign a petition urging California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives"

Dear Paris,

You do not provide beauty to our lives, mudane or otherwise. Beauty is

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

(Definition from, all emphasis mine)

You don't have any of those qualities. In the words of Michael K. at Dlisted:

I've seen Paris act, sing, dance and even suck dick...she can't do any of those things right.

You have never, ever done anything meaningful-a word that ought to be reserved for our artists; not even just our great ones, merely our artists-in your life. And by artists I mean people who have actually produced something, created something.

If you're lucky enough to be remembered for anything but sex tapes, it'll be for not messing up that episode of Veronica too badly. As for any high spiritual qualities, I have read comic books that have more spiritual qualities than you.

Do you provide excitement? Well, maybe, in the dirtiest sense of the word.

But it's of the "I know I'll hate myself in the morning" variety.

I doubt your time in jail will do you any good. But I have faith that even those who have sometimes seen you as a guilty pleasure will know it's not something you should get out of just because they like to watch you suck dick on tape.

The really exciting things in life reward our excitement by giving us things to think about after. I don't believe anyone has ever thought about anything after doing anything with you (except, of course, where can they sell that tape).

You're not even a clean thrill ride like a James Bond film, which may not be very deep, but at least it delivers. You're more like a Bond film directed by Tim Burton. And you've given no one any reason to think of you as anything more than a Barbie doll-just as plastic, just as materialistic.

So for you to think that now your "fans" are going to rally to your side betrays an inability to accept reality that can only be rivaled by-well, there's an old saying about a fella named George W. They say he was "born on third, and thought he hit a triple."

Your life is just as mundane as ours. The only extraordinary thing about you is the circumstances of your birth. Just because your family is worth a fortune doesn't mean that there is anything remarkable about you at all.

Very disdainfuly yours,

a lover's song; Please try to hear me My dear...dear god

Found this on Kelly's blog. Her result, which was much like mine,

You True Love Will Maybe Find You

But it's going to be tough! You're not really around to find.
You really need to get yourself out there if you're expecting to find love.
Go somewhere (anywhere!) new from time to time.
Or if you're really shy - at least join a dating site.

...reminded me of the soulful Noel Coward song, "Someday I'll Find You." I wish I could have found a clip of the splendid version producer/arranger Craig Armstrong did with singer Shola Ama for the 20th Century Blues album of Coward covers.

It's one of my favorite songs on one of my favorite albums; but, no such luck. However, here is a piece of the lyric.

Someday I'll find you,
Moonlight behind you,
True to the dream I'm dreaming.
As I draw near
You smile
a little smile;
For a little while
We shall stand
Hand in hand.
I'll leave you never,
Love you for ever,
All our past sorrow redeeming:
Try to make it true,
Say you love me too,
Someday I'll find you....

Tell it, Stan The Man...

Interview with Stan Lee, who in collaboration with artists including Jack Kirby pioneered 20th-century American comic books, in of all places, It's Playboy, so yes, there are some pictures around of women in bras and panties or less, but if you don't mind that it's worth reading.

To me, the only thing that makes any fictional work interesting is if you care about the characters. When I was a kid, I loved Sherlock Holmes. I enjoyed the mystery, but I found him so fascinating. I found Tarzan fascinating. I think the interplay -- the relationship between the various X-Men characters -- is like a continuing soap opera.

Ironically, I'm excited to be surrounded by a bunch of women, which probably loses me any points I gained

A blog called When Fangirls Attack, described as "A Compilation of Articles about Women in Comics" has assembled a collection of responses to that bad-on-so-many-levels Mary Jane statue I discussed below.

My post is included, but there are many other witty and creative words as well. Many of them point out something SAP and I both missed: The figurine is barefoot, too. I suppose we're lucky she's not pregnant.

One of my favorite entries comes from a LiveJournaler called kadymae. Kady uses the statue to make a short speech on the subject of "Cheesecake" art, which she likes, vs, well, that statue, which she finds disgusting. She says (among other things):

Cheesecake has a certain playfulness, a certain light-hearted mischief to it that pandering lacks. She's the flirtatious woman trying to catch your eye, or maybe you're already in a relationship and she's impishly doing something to put a smile on your face. Or she's that cutie caught in an awkward, risque situation, and as soon as she extricates herself from it you'll both laugh about it.

The subject of cheesecake is always a person.

(emphasis Kady's)

To which I say: Yeah. Compare the statue if you will to those great DeCarlo pictures I posted earlier this week. What's the difference?

PS: Oh, and my Spidey 3 review made it into an earlier accumulation of posts on When Fangirls Attack too.

("When Fangirls Attack II: Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Comics Shop...")

ETA: In a kind of Mobius Strip, this post has also been added to WFA.

Friday, May 11, 2007

What's going on?

A couple of hours ago, I started hearing strange sounds coming from the street outside my office window. Sounds that have only increased in volume and power, to the point where I went outside to satisfy my curiosity.

Turns out, they're paving the street. Let me see if this makes any sense to you: They're paving the street, starting around 8:30 PM...on Friday night. I live right near the freeway exit that leads to the University and surrounding district, too.

Somebody thought that would be a good idea. My entire apartment is vibrating (not in a good way) and traffic is backed up as far as the eye can see. And somebody thought that would be a good idea.

Boy, I sure am glad I wasn't planning on doing anything tonight that might benefit from silent contemplation, something like, oh I dunno...writing or something.

Oh, wait...

Note to self

May be time to watch the Buffy episode "Hush" again sometime soon. I think it's far enough from the way certain things ended to just feel the joy of the romance.


(Some of these I do just for me.)

(Or, I'm sorry, but is Amber Benson as Tara not one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen in your life?)

Y'know...I know this phrase gets overused and all, but seriously: This is wrong on so many levels.

How is this wrong? Let me count the ways.

  1. MJ, quite simply, deserves better. Just as one of the many people with fond memories of her from the comics, this offends me.
  2. The pearl necklace. As Jr. High School students everywhere snicker.
  3. It's a statue of (what is supposed to be) a lovely girl bent over, showing thong and tits, washing her husband's clothes, for god's sake. Talk about your sex(ist) fantasies.
  4. A few words about those breasts: No wonder she's bent over. A few years ago, Mark Evanier called for a rule that no guy should draw a naked woman until they've actually seen a real one. In person, not porn mags. Apparently, we need to apply that to the makers of statuary, too.
  5. Relates to 4: Just asthetically, that face is hideous. It doesn't look like Kirsten Dunst or any of the many well worth remembering versions of MJ from the comics, beginning always with John Romita, Sr's famous first panel. It looks like something somebody would put togther if they'd only ever caught half a glimpse of a porn star's face on a box.
  6. Oh, and I almost forgot: Just as a once and maybe future comic reading guy, this offends me because it plays so deep into the stereotype of us.

As I say: Wrong. On so many levels.

I found this at devildoll, via thoughts from an empty head.

Just so long as I'm not the one directed by Tim Burton

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight.

As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight


The Terminator


Neo, the "One"


Captain Jack Sparrow




Indiana Jones


El Zorro


The Amazing Spider-Man


William Wallace


James Bond, Agent 007


Lara Croft


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with


Just so long as I don't have to be in the car wreck that was Terminator 3.

Personally, I think if I'd be any Captain Jack it'd be this blogs designated man-crush as played by John Barrowman on Doctor Who (not, I repeat, not in Torchwood-don't get me started)

Indy would be cool, and as for Zorro, I couldn't do a worse job than Antonio Banderas.

It's a little-known fact that every single comic reader actually is The Amazing Spider-Man.

I think I'd do quite well On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

But I refuse to believe I am more like a silly-ass Mel Gibson character than I am like global (get it?) video porn star Lara Croft.


(You may need to highlight the text under "G is for..." to read details. BTW, Quizilla is the worst.)

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?

You will be smothered under a rug. You're a little anti-social, and may want to start gaining new social skills by making prank phone calls.
Take this quiz!


Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

Sometimes I wish I liked the way Tori Amos writes, plays and sings as much as I like the way she talks and looks

...but I've just never been part of the cult. I think she has her babe-moments. I've seen her in concert (a friend who is part of the cult had an extra ticket) and have a couple of mix-tapes made from his collection. Got the T-shirt, the whole deal.

But I never was a Cornflake Girl, which this quiz says is the Tori song I am.
Which Tori Amos song are you?

Cornflake Girl

Never one for conformity, you've gone to the other side. But where'd you put the keys, girl?

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by quizzes and personality tests.

Still, I do like the way she talks. Such as in this article on the subject of MILFs...

" our society -- if you go back to the Christian myth -- we don't let women have sexuality. I can't accept that. I woke up after being a beached whale when I was pregnant, and that's the first time that I really understood what a woman's body could do. Of course, it's the paradox: You involve yourself in something so erotic and yet bring something into the world so pure. You can be nurturing, yet know how to please a man. That can be threatening to certain ways of thinking."

While she's unabashed about her own MILF status, Amos is quick to spread the love. "I see women on the beach with children, and they might not get noticed by everybody, but there's something in their eyes," she says. "There's an understanding, an experience of life, the way they sashay down the beach ... I don't know how a woman tastes, but I know how a woman thinks, and, quite frankly, there's so many women that I would love to turn out."

songs that apparently more of you need to hear

...because only two of you got them in my little song-lyric quiz last week.

You're a little like Miranda
Oh baby, she could name a tune
Oh, could she?
Just flip on any radio station
And like two notes in
She's like that's "so and so" from 'eighty-two

...was from "Greatest Hits" by Laptop. On that record, Laptop (Jesse Hartman) attempts to compliment his current girlfriend by telling her she’s a compilation of the best of his former lovers.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

...was from

"The Philosophy Song" by Monty Python. Kelly, AKA Warrior Two, knew that one.

Ritual ideas relativety
Only buildings no people prophecy
Timeslide place to hide nudge reality
Foresight minds wide magic imagery

...was from

"E=mc2" by Big Audio Dynamite. One of my favorite songs; I just love the momentum of it even though I don't understand all the words. I know it's a tribute to Nic Roeg movies-clips from them are featured in the video-but that doesn't mean I understand it.

Don't jump before you look
Get hung up on a hook
Before you make a fool out of love.

...was from

"Stop" by Erasure. Also one of my faves by one of my favorite '80s bands, I consider this something of a triumph of minimalism. I fucking love how much they got out of a song that is basically one verse, one chorus, and a riff. The 12" Remix is even more unbelivable.

So I got myself on a streetcar and it drove right into someone,
You know the driver said: "I was lookin' straight ahead!" But he was reading the Toronto Sun

...was from

"My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors" by Moxy Fruvous. I discovered Moxy Fruvous when I saw them open for Nick Heyward and make him look sick. Jen, AKA Jeopardygirl, got this one half right, she knew it was Moxy but guessed the wrong song.

And finally,

in ancient rome
there was a poem
about a dog
who found two bones
he picked at one
he licked the other
he went in circles
he dropped dead

...was from

"Freedom of Choice" by Devo, those influential rascals. In this concert version, it's awesome the way they underscore the point by incorporating a little of our national anthem...

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I'd be more depressed by this result, but some people can make a wonderful living being that way, as Kevin Smith has clearly shown

(to say nothing of Firefly fans)

You're Kind of Stupid

You got 7/10 questions right!
There's some things most people know... except for you.

I've really got to stop being put out by these headlines

Yahoo! asks, is Lilly Allen the "Coolest Brit ever?" I dunno, can anybody think of any Brits who just might possibly be any cooler than this-year's-model Lilly Allen?

Well this is a fine how-do-you-do

Study links oral sex and throat cancer
Researchers have linked oral sex to a type of throat cancer, saying that those who engaged in the sexual act with more than six partners over the course of their lifetime were nine times more likely to develop oropharyngeal cancer.

Joe Jackson was right.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Which one of these things is not like the other?

From a Premiere online article on Kate Winslet and her character in the film, Little Children, which as I mentioned earlier this week is well-worth watching, and in which Winslet is especially good.

To comprehend Sarah's past and its impact on her motivation in the film, Winslet turned to Perrotta's novel. "The thing that I took away from the book was that [Sarah] is an educated woman with a very active mind. It is just that is deadened somewhat when you meet her." In book, Winslet points out; Sarah "has a slightly bisexual past which I begged Todd to try put in somehow to the story." In a film that already addresses adultery, xenophobia, and pedophilia, is it surprising that Sarah's bisexuality ultimately did not reach the screen?

Okay, children, what do adultery, xenophobia, and pedophilia all have in common, that bisexuality does not? Yet the writer of the article-one Karl Rozemeyer-sees fit to equate them.

One step forward, two steps back.

This is why I have a crush on Amy Sherman-Palladino

From an interview with Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham on the last episode of that series:

Is it bittersweet ending without Amy?
Graham: Yeah. What I hoped — and this is not to take away from David Rosenthal, who I had a really nice year with — was that she would write the finale. But that's not the way she works. She's either there 100 percent [or not at all]. She couldn't just come in and pick up another story that she didn't lay the groundwork for and finish it.

Sigh...A silly streak, sharp dialogue, a genuine sense of writer's ethics, and on top of it all she looks like this.

What exactly am I supposed not to like?

George Lucas calling your movie silly is like a pot smoker telling a drunk that alcohol is a crutch

George Lucas has joined the major newspaper critics in their negative appraisal of Spider-Man 3. In an interview with's Roger Friedman, Lucas said, "It's a silly movie. ... There just isn't much there. Once you take it all apart, there's not much story, is there?" Over the weekend, Spider-Man 3 surged ahead of Lucas's Star Wars' episode Revenge of the Sith to take the record for the biggest weekend box-office record. Star Wars was also criticized as being "silly," Lucas noted. "But it wasn't."

Of course it wasn't, George.

He also disclosed that he is working on at least two other Star Wars movies for television. "But they won't have members of the Skywalker family as characters. They will be other people of that milieu."

Okay, first of all: People who shouldn't be allowed to use the word "milieu"...

the Al Franken movie post

I didn't like the documentary Al Franken: God Spoke as much as I thought or hoped I would.

I like Franken, especially his books and when he used to work on SNL. I don't think he was as good on the radio as he could have been, and he certainly wasn't as effective as he should have been, though he definitely had his moments.

But I like him, and I would have liked to have seen a...dare I say it? "Fair and balanced" portrait of the man. Besides more throughful one-on-one interviews with Franken himself, I'm imagining interviews with writers like Eric Alterman on Franken's books, Lorne Michaels and Tom Davis from his SNL days, maybe his onetime radio cohost.

In other words...people who can put him in context, which would smooth out the films rough edges greatly. But maybe rough edges are the point. My problem with the film is not that it doesn't do what it's trying to do well.

It's trying to be a fly-on-the-wall documentary of Franken's evolution as a political entertainer. It does that all right; though I think it could have been done better. The trouble was that's not what I wanted to see.

The parts of the movie dealing with Franken's radio career also suffer from comparision with HBO's documentary about the first year of Air America, "Left of the Dial." And whoever misspelled the name of Molly Ivins, who appears in documentary footage, in the credits deserves to be slapped twice by someone with her books in their hands.

I never miss a kidnapped model-torture flick...a small rant

I was just on the Rotten Tomatoes homepage, where I was going to look up reviews for the Al Franken movie I'm going to post about in a minute. When out of the corner of my eye I saw this in their "Spotlight":

Captivity Photo Gallery
Check out new pics from Elisha Cuthbert's kidnapped model-torture flick

So this is what it's come to, huh folks? "Kidnapped model-torture flick" is now a genre, to be referred to as blithely as we might refer to "Spider-Man 3, Tobey Maguire's new superhero flick?"

It would of course be wrong of me to prejudge the film, but I think I can at least extrapolate a little based on the known elements. Captivity is, according to what I can tell from the page on RT and a little Yahoo! searching, a movie about a beautiful model who is stalked and killed.

While I have nothing against Ms. Cuthbert, my impression of her is that of a sexy young woman who may or may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. (Though at least she had the sense to get out of CTU while the getting was good, so I have to give her credit for that)

Captivity is directed by Roland Joffe, who hasn't made a succesful movie since The Mission in 1986, and even that is better remembered for its soundtrack today than the film itself. The screenplay is co-written by Larry Cohen, who occasionally shows some stuff but mostly writes exploitation pictures, and Joseph Tura, whose first film it is.

A couple of months ago the studio releasing the movie withdrew their original ad campaign.
The ads, which portrayed the film's star Elisha Cuthbert being tortured and killed, were pulled after After Dark, Lionsgate Films and the MPAA were bombarded with calls from people objecting to the imagery.

Personally, I don't know why those folks had a problem. The original ads, reproduced in this Access Hollywood online story, showed even better than the now-MPAA approved ad, exactly what this film is, evidently, about: A beautiful woman being tortured and killed.

It's actually brilliant marketing on at least two levels. It makes sure to attract those theatergoers, and only those theatergoers, who would want to see a movie about a beautiful woman being tortured and killed.

It doesn't try to sell us some sort of multiple-times-watered-down version of Diana Rigg's Mrs Peel (or more likely in the minds of Hollywood studio execs, Buffy). Some champion of feminism and force for good who triumphs over bad by being cute and kicking ass; after and only after we've gotten our jollies seeing her...

...with a gloved hand across her face.

...pressed against a chain link fence with a bloody finger poking through.

...lying on a table with her face covered in bandages and a tube shoved up her nose.

...all scenes the withdrawn series of ads promised.

No no, this is about a beautiful woman being tortured and killed. Excellent.

Why excellent? Because when the movie opens in about a week, women everywhere will have a litmus test by which to judge the men who would like to keep company with them.


  • If you're married and your husband wants to watch this movie, divorce him.
  • If you're single, and a new man asks you out to go see this movie, do not go out with him.
  • If you have a steady boyfriend, and he says to you, "Say honey, whadaya say we check out that kidnapped model-torture flick?"...break up with him.

A man who says "I want to see Captivity!" is a man who says "Watching women being tortured and killed is how I get off!" Clearly and explicitly.

You don't need that in your life. Do you?

Monday, May 07, 2007

A girl becomes a woman (Some sort of a visual poem, starring Ginger Lynn)

Eat your heart out, John Keats.

Two more blogs that put me in their links

...for reasons unknown. I'm honored, nevertheless.

The Urban Recluse, wherein DiD is listed under "Pop Culture." I can't imagine why.

And Monkey See, where Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein of... Tennessee...I repeat, Tennessee...takes time out from posting about porn actresses and Dustin Diamond to say of me:

He could be insane or he may be the smartest human we know

Even now, my friends are taking bets.

One of the marks of a great record is that you always remember where you were when you first heard it

...and I was driving up the 101 to San Francisco with my then-girlfriend over 15 years ago when I first heard "Looking For Atlantis," the first single and opening track from Prefab Sprout's album Jordan: The Comeback.

Paddy McAloon quietly earned the comparison to Brian Wilson by sheer virtue of his vocals and songwriting. At the height of his powers, there was no one that could touch his pronouncements on pulp culture, pop and religion.

John Edwards may be getting me back

Presidential candidate John Edwards said Monday it's silly to suggest that his wealth and expensive tastes have hurt his credibility as an advocate for the poor.

"Would it have been better if I had done well and didn't care?" Edwards asked.

Edwards noted that some of the most acclaimed anti-poverty advocates came from privileged backgrounds, including Franklin Roosevelt and Bobby Kennedy.

"You could see and feel the empathy they had," said Edwards, speaking from his home in North Carolina during an interview on Iowa Public Radio.

Well said, John.

A public service announcement (UPDATED)

Back in 2001, some smart guy had this to say about teen-comic artist Dan Decarlo, shortly before he passed away.

Dan DeCarlo...worked for the [Archie Comics] company for over four decades and [his] work, quite simply, defines the Archie house style. If you have ever read an Archie comic book in those past four decades, you've either seen DeCarlo's work or someone copying his line.

There's more, but that gives you an idea.

I'm really only telling you that because I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the book The Art of Dan DeCarlo, released last year and written by Bill Morrison.

Morrison is a cartoonist himself who's worked on several projects with Matt Groening including Simpsons Comics, as well as collaborating on early character designs for Futurama and working as the show's art director. He's also written and drawn his own comic book, Roswell, Little Green Man, which I admit I've never read but remember liking the drawings I've seen.

A short, one-line review of this book might be: Dan DeCarlo was more than just Josie and the Pussycats. It's got lots of great artwork-as our friend Mark Evanier wrote when the book came out.

Bill had unlimited access to Dan's widow and personal collection...and Bill already had a great collection of DeCarlo work from which to draw.

Here's one of my two favorite pieces in the book.

Say what you want, but if you say you could resist a fabulous drawing like that, you oughta be able to back up that judgement with something better.

My other favorite piece from the book (UPDATE: Dr. Zaius (Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Ohhhhhhhhh Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!)...has "jigsaw-puzzled" the picture in question for me, and now for you.)

I want to say that the copyright on that picture is presumably owned by Bill Morrison and/or the estate of Dan DeCarlo, and no infringement, only admiration, is intended. Should either object to my posting it on this blog they have only to let me know and I'll remove it.

Also, click to read the word balloons.

And by the way, if you know my characters...those two girls in the background...look familiar to anybody else?

Thank you, Doc...

The last post on the Virginia Tech Killer, I hope

Okay, so the follow-up to the Virginia Tech killings has happened in a sadly predictable fashion. We're already at the point of the media covering themselves and their own reaction to what they chose to do about it (they've been through a lot, those guys).

And the whole "what movies was this guy watching?" thing has started. I'd like to think it would also start us talking sensibly about what would have kept the guns out of the killers hands or otherwise prevented the tragedy. But the NRA's stranglehold on Washington DC seems to make that unlikely. Better we should worry about what movies he watched.

I'd even like it if we were talking about depression and the need to open up your mouth to ease a troubled soul before you open up with a pair of handguns. But we're not, are we? Valueless and foolish hypocrites like Newt Gingrich have exploited the nightmarish loss suffered by 33 families to advance their own political agenda.

But, I know what you're saying. You're saying, if only homophobia could be invoked.

Well, guess what.

Free Image Hosting at

Oh, no no no no no no no no no...

What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy's ear -- "like Rice Krispies" -- ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear.

Sleep tight.

(Emphasis mine)

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Two kinds of videos for dark, sad moods

If you're in a dark mood, sometimes you want songs just as dark.

This is a homemade Depeche Mode music video made by someone called "Skaughtyboi." The song is from one of those albums that were given out around my teen club as readily as Frampton Comes Alive in the previous decade.

And I always liked the sample: Over and done with, over and done with...

On the other hand, if you're sad, sometimes you just want a hallucinatory singing scene from a fine animated cartoon, to make you smile:

We here at Dictionoplis in Digitopolis are proud to offer you a choice.

Random Flickr-blogging 3655

There's something in this about all women, # 6


Elian was accident-prone.


Dalek fetish bars.