So anyhoo, when the judge refused to let Elliot take the fall, the harebrained heiress changed her strategy...and asked her fans to sign a petition urging California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives"
Dear Paris,
You do not provide beauty to our lives, mudane or otherwise. Beauty is
the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
(Definition from Dictionary.com, all emphasis mine)
You don't have any of those qualities. In the words of Michael K. at Dlisted:
I've seen Paris act, sing, dance and even suck dick...she can't do any of those things right.
You have never, ever done anything meaningful-a word that ought to be reserved for our artists; not even just our great ones, merely our artists-in your life. And by artists I mean people who have actually produced something, created something.
If you're lucky enough to be remembered for anything but sex tapes, it'll be for not messing up that episode of Veronica too badly. As for any high spiritual qualities, I have read comic books that have more spiritual qualities than you.
Do you provide excitement? Well, maybe, in the dirtiest sense of the word.
But it's of the "I know I'll hate myself in the morning" variety.
I doubt your time in jail will do you any good. But I have faith that even those who have sometimes seen you as a guilty pleasure will know it's not something you should get out of just because they like to watch you suck dick on tape.
The really exciting things in life reward our excitement by giving us things to think about after. I don't believe anyone has ever thought about anything after doing anything with you (except, of course, where can they sell that tape).
You're not even a clean thrill ride like a James Bond film, which may not be very deep, but at least it delivers. You're more like a Bond film directed by Tim Burton. And you've given no one any reason to think of you as anything more than a Barbie doll-just as plastic, just as materialistic.
So for you to think that now your "fans" are going to rally to your side betrays an inability to accept reality that can only be rivaled by-well, there's an old saying about a fella named George W. They say he was "born on third, and thought he hit a triple."
Your life is just as mundane as ours. The only extraordinary thing about you is the circumstances of your birth. Just because your family is worth a fortune doesn't mean that there is anything remarkable about you at all.
Very disdainfuly yours,
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