Saturday, April 07, 2007

Happy Easter, everybody!

According to The Holiday Spot (and if they don't know, who does?),

Easter is a festival of overwhelming joy.
The joy that celebrates life.

Happy Easter, everybody!

So you want to see the movie Xanadu recreated with Marshmallow Peeps

We here at Dictionopolis in Digitopolis have anticipated your every need.

Two great paragraphs from a very good book

A Long Way Down, by Nick Hornby.
The trouble with my generation is that we all think we're fucking geniuses. Making something isn't good enough for us, and neither is selling something, or teaching something, or even just doing something. We have to be something. It's our inalienable right, as citizens of the twenty-first century. If Christina Aguilera or Britney or some American Idol jerk can be something, then why can't I? Where's mine, huh? OK, so my band, we put on the best live shows you could ever see in a bar, and we made two albums, which a lot of critics and not many real people liked. But having talent is never enough to make us happy, is it? I mean, it should be, because a talent is a gift, and you should thank God for it, but I didn't. It just pissed me off because I wasn't being paid for it, and it didn't get me on the cover of Rolling Stone.

Oscar Wilde once said, "One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead." Well fucking right on, Oscar. My real life was full of headlining shows at Wembley and Madison Square Garden and platinum records, and Grammys, and that wasn't the life I was leading, which is maybe why it felt like I could throw it away. The life I was leading didn't let me be, I don't who I thought I was. It didn't even let me stand up properly. It felt like I'd been walking down a tunnel that was getting narrower and narrower, and darker and darker, and had started shipping water, and I was all hunched up, and there was a wall of rock in front of me and the only tools I had to use were my fingernails.

I've never admired Woody Allen as much as some

...but I do like this quote from Liz Smith's memoir.
I'll never forget expressing my admiration for what he'd done in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex...-a groundbreaking 1972 comedy.

Woody listened to my compliments on the use of the actors as sperm about to be ejaculated in a "parachute jump" sequence, but then interrupted. "Now, look. Your comments are nice, but a total waste of time. I already know what I did in that movie. It is behind me. What I need from you is 'input' that has nothing to do with me. I am wide-open for other stimuli, for what's happening, what's going on now. Tell me things I don't know. Talk about yourself, your life. Do some of those tales about when you and Joel [Schumacher] were living together and how you did all those bad 'little kid' things to get attention. But don't talk about me and my past work. I don't get anything out of that!"

Good news for those of you ladies who suffer from low self-esteem.

Blow-up fuck doll, I mean, actress, Elizabeth Berkley is here to help...

Don't you hate it when... see the video for a cool song, and the song remains cool, but the video just makes you want to look away in embarassment? Videos like this, for example?

PS for the Doctor Who fans among you: Is it me or is Cy Curnin a dead ringer for David Tennant?

Fucking NBC

The story so far:

Studio 60, written by Aaron Sorkin, premieres; does poorly in ratings.

30 Rock, the similarly titled, similarly themed series starring and written by Tina Fey, premieres; does poorly in the ratings.

Studio 60 sinks beneath the waves with nary a trace, to be replaced by The Black Donnellys, which is quickly cancelled.

In a bitter irony, NBC announces plans to replace it with a reality series of the kind which Studio 60 regularly skewered.

30 Rock, however, remains on the air; receives second season order.

You may well be asking yourself, as I was: Whycome?

My first theory was that 30 Rock has a "Godfather" (Lorne Michaels) looking out for it. I also considered the possibility that Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip's highfalutin' attitude (Gilbert and Sullivan? On the second show?) may not have been appreciated by "the suits."

To say nothing of the aforementioned skewering of the kinds of shows that NBC is just praying will get them more shows in the top 20 than Deal Or No Deal.

All of these may have been factors. But the Washington Post's Lisa de Moraes has discerned another...

...season to date, "30 Rock" is averaging 2.7 percent of the country's audience of 18-to-49-year-olds. That's the age bracket advertisers pay a premium to reach and NBC therefore targets with its entertainment series.

"Studio 60" is averaging only 3.6 percent of the audience in that age bracket.


Well, how about this: "30 Rock's" overall audience, season to date, is a solid 5.8 million viewers, NBC says in its announcement.

"Studio 60's" season-to-date overall audience is just 8.5 million.

[Crickets.] Upscale -- "30 Rock" is very upscale. NBC likes upscale. According to NBC, "30 Rock" is one of the most upscale comedies on television. In fact, NBC says, it rates 28 percent higher among adults 18-49 living in homes with $100,000-plus incomes than it rates among all adults 18-49.

"Studio 60"? Well, "Studio 60" rates 28 percent higher among adults 18-49 living in homes with $100,000-plus incomes than it rates among all adults 18-49.

Now that it's become so transparent why one show got picked up but not the other, it's barely worth mentioning that NBC Universal 2.0 owns "30 Rock" but not "Studio 60" -- that's owned by Warner Bros.

Emphasis mine.

Fucking NBC.

As I said last October, I was prepared to be philisophical should S60 in fact be cancelled because not enough Nielsen viewers were watching. Even the best television show is, in the end, just a television show, I said; let's not do this like it was a member of the family who died.

(Although frankly, I'll have more right to complain than those whiny brats who said seven years of Buffy and five of Angel wasn't "a fair chance")

But for Studio 60 to go and 30 Rock to make it because of this kind of favoritism and not simply because more people wanted to watch it...that pisses me off.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Who do I root for in a case like this IV: The Quest for Peace

Bill O'Reilly vs. Geraldo Rivera.

Is it me or this not as hot as some people seem to think it is?

As you may have heard or seen, Rose McGowan & Rosario Dawson have posed naked for the cover of Rolling Stone. I'm not posting it here for reasons which I'll get to in a second, but there will be a link in a minute.

The photo shows the two of them with their hands crossed over their breasts and ammunition belts covering their, shall we say, "bikini areas." Quite a few people seem to think this is hot stuff.

(Dawson was on the Letterman show the other night, and Dave couldn't get past the thought that the two women were posed back to back, and their buttocks came in contact with one another.)

Now, if you've been reading this blog for even a day, you know: I fall somewhere between being an appreciator of women, who worships them as goddesses for their many appealing qualities including but not limited to being hot and sexy and dazzling...

...and being a horny lech, the difference often depending on which way the wind is blowing. But the point is, when it comes to movie stars being naked, I'm all for it. I've even found Dawson and McGowan particuarly exciting in the past.

So why, when I look at this picture, is it all I can see are:

  • What look to me like airbrush marks
  • How they made the both of them look like they're made out of plastic
  • How cold McGowan's eyes are
  • And how their hair looks like doll hair it me?

This one is for the superhero fans.

Jess at Apropos of Something has put together a two-part list of his choices of the Coolest Superhero Costumes Ever. That link leads you to the second part of the list, which itself contains a link to the first.
I can't think of any off the top of my head that he missed. And for the record, I'm the "someone" he references in number four.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I've said it before and I'll say it again

Fuck the Catholic Church. There, that's a nice thought going into this Easter weekend, isn't it? You may well ask, what brought this on? Well, I'll tell you.
Leah Vader and Lynne Huskinson, a lesbian couple who got married in Canada last August, sent a letter recently to their state legislator decrying a Wyoming bill that would deny recognition of same-sex marriages. The lawmaker read the letter on the floor of the Legislature.

Soon after, the local paper interviewed the couple on Ash Wednesday and ran a story and pictures of them with ash on their foreheads, a mark of their Roman Catholic faith.

It wasn't long after that that the couple received a notice from their parish church telling them they have been barred from receiving Communion.

There's more if you can take it. In the way of such things, it gets so much more hypocritical.

The Catholic Church serves no damn good purpose (except to tell budding young women that sex is sinful, thus making it more exciting to them, and then sending them out into the world in uniforms that are best described as: Convenient. Ah, what memories)

Okay, about Iran

This analysis seems ok, bearing in mind that I'm no expert.

I am not obsessed with Halle Berry and I resent the implication.

It's just that she makes me want to be the ground on which she, um, walks...

Photos via Pink Is The New Blog

Book promotion the fun way.

Or, "Here now, your moment of zen."

PS: Thnx Corey.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Oh no, that's terrible...from a human standpoint, anyway

Bob Clark, the movie director, has died in a car crash alongside his 22-year-old son.

The two men were in an Infiniti that collided head-on with a GMC Yukon around 2:30 a.m. PST, said Lt. Paul Vernon, a police spokesman. The driver of the other car was under the influence of alcohol and was driving without a license, Vernon said.

This reminds me of what Mark Evanier was saying after Mel Gibson had his little problem. Most of the news media, etc (And I wasn't immune to this myself) focused on his anti-semitic, sexist remarks and not enough on the fact that he was D.U.I.

Nobody ever got taken home in a body bag because Mel Gibson said something stupid.

At a time like this, a man deserves to be remembered for both his greatest and most influential works.

Bob Clark's most well-regarded movie was A Christmas Story. I'm not a part of the cult audience for that film who watches it every Christmas, but there's no denying it's rightly stood the test of time.

And as I wrote recently, in regards to David E. Kelley who co-wrote it, I kind of enjoyed From The Hip when I was 15 or 16. Though even then I had some suspicions as to whether or not all the "clever" courtroom tricks would actually work. I'm the same way about Turk 182!

And then, of course, yes, there's Porky's. This movie came out the year I hit puberty and you'd better believe I wore out a VCR's pause control button watching certain, shall we say, "selected scenes."

But it also had some genuinely funny moments. It also ought to be pointed out that Clark was casting Kim Cattrall almost 20 years before Sex and the City, and her road to Samantha started with the sexpot Miss Honeywell in this movie.

And you've gotta give it props, for better or worse (mosly worse). Porky's may not have been that good but it was so massively successful it damned us to a cycle of knockoffs that by-and-large made the original look like Citizen Kane in comparison.

The remainder of Clark's cinematic legacy consists of films like Loose Cannons, something I still have guilt feelings about once forcing an old girlfriend to sit through. But how many directors get to make even one film that, like Porky's...

...was the Pulp Fiction of its day inasmuch as it altered the notion of what could be put onscreen in the name of entertainment, and its influence could be felt in lesser works for years to come.

-Pretty In Pink: The Golden Age of Teenage Movies, by Jonathan Bernstein.

At a time like this, a man deserves to be remembered for both his greatest and most influential works. So, so long, Mr. Clark, and thanks for the laughs, the memories, and the...

ETA: Mark Evanier and Sherman share their reaction in their respective blogs.

Voted once? Vote again! the Kristin's blog Save One Show poll on E!, that is. Word via the Aaron Sorkin mailing list is that Studio 60 and Veronica Mars are both in the top five.

The Black Donnellys, the show that NBC replaced Studio 60 with, has been cancelled. Schadenfreude. So have The Wedding Bells and Six Degrees, which I recently commented on favorably and unfavorably, respectively.

As Kristin says,

Now, lest you think this silly little poll doesn't really make a difference, let me remind you that our Save One Show campaign has a solid track record, having successfully rescued five out of six winning shows. And if I had a nickel for every time a castmember or producer told me our SOS singlehandedly saved them...well, I bet I'd have a whole dollar.

Voting in this poll is kind of like the woman in the old Jewish joke who brings chicken soup for a man at his funeral. It probably won't help, but..."it couldn't hoit!"

A quick one (and a long toke)

It's Ink 19 review time again.

Let's get deep with King Britt. And here's a few words about The Four Level.

I couldn't find any songs to link from either of my reviewed items today, but don't worry, you won't be leaving unamaused. Here's a big musical number from the hilarious Reefer Madness: The Musical. I wrote about it here and here on my old blog.

BTW, that's Alan Cumming having fun as Pan in one of his multiple roles in the movie; Christian “brother of Neve” Campbell does a nice line in wholesome, healthy American kid corrupted by the reefer.

But in this number, notice especially Amy Spanger, a theater actress who apparently made her film debut in this picture. She's sexy, funny, and sings great as a seductive dope pusher.

Monday, April 02, 2007


It's difficult enough convincing one or two of my friends (you know who you are) that the reason I like the Hermione character in the Harry Potter movies is because I like to see girls with moxie and smarts.

And not because of any hot goddess-like qualities Emma Watson, who plays her, might have. While she may be all-grown up in Britain, here in the U.S. I am legally not allowed to go there for another couple years.

So this afternoon I walk down to my mailbox, open it up, and see that my subscriber's copy of the new Entertainment Weekly has arrived.

The new Entertainment Weekly with the cover story about the new Potter movie, released with three cover variants featuring Harry, Ron or Hermione.

As luck (or a God who I just know is testing me) would have it, I got the Hermione cover, which is reproduced above minus all the caption copy.

I'm going to jail, I just know it.

Who do I root for in a case like this: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

PETA vs Karl Rove.

What Mark said

John McCain recently went for a walk in Iraq, in order to demonstrate that it is perfectly safe for Americans to do so. Well, great. Except that, as Mark Evanier writes:
...apparently, he's right. It is a safe place to walk, just as long as you're accompanied by a hundred armed soldiers, you have three Blackhawk helicopters and two Apache gunships nearby, and you're wearing a bulletproof vest.

Do we think this proves anything? About Iraq, I mean. I know it proves something about John McCain. I guess what it proves about Iraq is that we need to commit to staying there forever and sending enough troops and equipment so that anyone who needs to go buy a basket of strawberries is escorted by a hundred armed soldiers, three Blackhawk helicopters and two Apache gunships. Oh — and they'll need that bulletproof vest, too.

I know I keep saying this, but it bears repeating as long as there's any chance of republicans making him their nominee. It is one of the small tragedies of politics the way McCain, once thought of as the "good" republican and a war hero, has made himself over into a flip-flopping joke of a man.

Caption this photo

Where's her other hand and why is he grimacing?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Random Flickr-blogging 5633

After about the third drink, Eric's subtlety in checking out the ladies pretty much went out the window. Meanwhile, in the background, Kate strongly suggested to her overanxious would-be beau that he read the sign above her head.


goes before a fall, Yeah I've got this Foolish Pride

Britney Spears picked as 'most foolish American of 2007'
Americans have declared rehab-attending, panty-shedding, head-shaving Britney Spears as the most foolish American of 2007.

She was followed by Paris Hilton and Michael Jackson.

Government leaders did well, too, including President Bush at No. 4, Vice President Dick Cheney at No. 6 and disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley at No. 9. Crazy-in-love astronaut Lisa Nowak was No. 8. Others in the top 10 are O.J. Simpson, Mel Gibson and comedian Michael Richards.

The eighth annual survey of 1,000 adults was sponsored by New York publicist Jeff Barge.

Now...Britney Spears is a young woman who never had much vocal talent, and whose career was built primarily on promoting and exploiting her underdressed and overexposed sex parts. We're all clear on that, right?

Just as clearly, she has certain issues that she really needs to treat, one way or another. How many of those issues come from having built a career on promoting and exploiting her underdressed and overexposed sex parts is an open question.

And Paris Hilton is famous for being Paris Hilton and for making sex tapes.

My point is, even given all of the above, do either of them really deserve to be on the same list as-

  • A pious criminal liar like George W. Bush who is responsible for the needless deaths of thousands
  • A hell-bound murderer like O.J. Simpson
  • Or even a couple of garden-variety batshit insane whackaloons like Michael Jackson and Mel Gibson?

-much less ahead of them on a list of who's behaved most foolishly in the past year?

Gosh, I love the priorities of Americans...