Saturday, June 09, 2007

God, I am so turned on right now

You Are a Lace Bra!

Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine
You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men
Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome
With a softer side that only you can draw out

Never be able to live this down, etc.

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

What I like about this quiz is that one of the tests for evil is "a fondness for anime"

You Are 24% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

any music worth its salt is good for dancing...but I tried to be the Fred Astaire of words.

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone...
In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming.
Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics.
Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

Promo music videos that answer each other (sorta)

I'm not quite sure why, but I dreamed about this song last night. It's Oingo Boingo, a band I think Danny Elfman did much better writing for than most of his film scores. It's not my favorite song--that might be "My Life"--but I do like it. It's so coolly insane.


Now, when it comes to The Spice Girls, I'm one of those who saw them as nothing more than inoffensive, dumb--in the best sense of the word--fun. And given a choice between their kind of pop and grunge, well, you know where I am every time.

Besides, if they're good enough for Nelson Mandela, they're good enough for me. However, what we have here is not a Spice Girls clip. What we have here is Emma Bunton, the once (and maybe future) Baby Spice, lip syncing her top five (overseas) hit "Free Me" on TV.

I saw her doing the same on the Craig Ferguson show a couple of years ago. I remember thinking that it sounded like a James Bond theme done by Olivia Newton-John circa "Magic." See if you don't think so too.

But when she gets to the chorus, whatever you do, do not think of "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger.

Caption this photo

"'re...vile and you know it, clap your hands!"

Friday, June 08, 2007

Things I can no longer say

Thanks to the band Poison's appearance on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson this morning, promoting their Poison'd! album of classic rock songs, I can now no longer say that I have never seen The Romantics famous power-pop song "What I Like About You" sung by a man whom I have also seen having lifeless sex with Pamela Anderson.

I've always prided myself on being able to say that.

Hey, a movie!

Some blogs, I know, do this kind of thing every week, but I find once a year is better for my style--and yours, my vast reading audience. That's right, it's time to quotes!

How many can you name? And no fair cheating by looking them up; I'll know.

Some of these are more obscure than others, and some of them I'm really not giving you much to work with, 'cause I'm fucked up like that. So I'll give hints for a few, more will follow in two or three days for the ones none of you get.

One (hint: This is the last line of this film, but is sometimes cut from commercial television broadcasts, which has the effect of hollowing the whole film out as far as I'm concerned.)

"You can't come in here."


Maurice: I will die soon...Can I touch your hand?
Jessie: That's one chat-up line I haven't heard.
Maurice: I'm impotent, of course.
Jessie: Thank Christ.
Maurice: But I can still take a theoretical interest.
Jessie: Have you been thinking about me?
Maurice: All the time I was in hospital.
Jessie: What did you think about me?
Maurice: I saw your body.
Jessie: Which part?
Maurice: Your hair. Your feet. Your legs, your behind, your eyes.
Jessie: My eyes?
Maurice: Your elbows. Your cunt.
Jessie: Oh, shut up. You can touch my hand.


Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me -- and they do


"Later, in the Men's Department, the jungle king was pleased to find he looked pretty good in Armani."
"Pretty darn good."


"Did you ever dream about a place you never really recall being to before? A place that maybe only exists in your imagination? Some place far away, half remembered when you wake up. When you were there, though, you knew the language. You knew your way around. *That* was the sixties. [pause] No. It wasn't that either. It was just '66 and early '67. That's all there was."

Six (And this one, you get another early hint for: I don't mean any of the Lethal Weapon movies):

"I'm gettin' too old for this shit."


"I like your boobs. I think they're very friendly and unpretentious."


"There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience."


"You see that house? That is where I was born. My mother said to me, 'Garcon. The world is a beautiful place, and you must spread joy and contentment everywhere you go'. And so I became a waiter... Well, I know it is not a great philosophy but...[pauses] Well, fuck you! I can live my life in my own way if I want to."

10 (hint: a little boy's last words before ascending to heaven)

"Goodbye, you guys."


"And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child joined hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk 'cause they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win...or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!"


(a teenaged boy is watching a woman in her late 30's take clean laundry out of a basket)

Boy: Can I eat you out?
Woman: Not now. Folding.


"Hello, Mr. Griffith."
"Hello, Mrs. Page."


(man to his dying son)

"Pesaram, I am here!"


"Another reason, um, I didn't call you sooner is because I wanted to finish your book, which I finally did last night. And I think it's really lovely, Miles. You're so good with words. Who cares if it's not getting published? There are so many beautiful and... painful things about it. Did you really go through all that? Must have been awful. And the sister character - jeez, what a wreck. But I have to say that, well, I was really confused by the ending. I mean, did the father finally commit suicide, or what? It's driving me crazy. Anyway, it's turned cold and rainy here lately, but I like winter. So, listen, if you ever do decide to come up here again, you should let me know. I would say stop by the restaurant, but to tell you the truth, I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna be working there, because I'm going to graduate soon. So, I'll probably want to relocate. I mean, we'll see. Anyway, like I said, I really loved your novel. Don't give up, Miles. Keep writing."


"You'll be hung!"
"Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you."


"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek."

And finally, 18:

Woman: Have you broken something?
Man: Only my tailor's heart.
[She kisses him]
Man: What was that for?
Woman: For saving my life.
Man: Remind me to do it more often.

I enjoyed it, though of course, no one understood

Just look at this.

Best "I'm tired of touring" song ever.

And yes, it's my boys Neil and Chris. Can't beat it.

Okay, this just got sad

Need I add that I mean "sad" in the sense of "deplorably bad; sorry: a sad attempt."
Paris Hilton was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying Friday seconds after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case.

"It's not right!" shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom!" she called out to her mother in the audience.

Hilton, who was brought to court in handcuffs in a sheriff's car, came into the courtroom disheveled and weeping. Her hair was askew and she wore a gray fuzzy sweatshirt over slacks. She wore no makeup and she cried throughout the hearing.

Her body also shook constantly as she dabbed at her eyes.

As usual, there's more if you can take it.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

How true!

"You know a society has been abandoned by God when it celebrates lesbian sex."-John MacArthur, pastor of Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California.

Via Media Matters.

But seriously: This society celebrates lesbian sex? Being willing to exploit is not celebrating. "Gay till grad" is not celebrating. Libraries that won't carry lesbian books is not celebrating. The president nominating as his surgeon general a man who voted to expel a lesbian pastor from the United Methodist Church and wrote (in 1991!) that gay sex was unnatural and unhealthy is not celebrating.

I know great books...and this isn't one.

I was genuinely sorry to have to say how bad this book is, because I'm interested in Chevy Chase and a fan of his best work. But after reading it, I had to watch this-the great "love scene" from Caddyshack-to remind me why.

Nerd alert: Cindy Morgan, Chase's co-star in that scene, was also in Tron.

And if you're old enough to remember that, you might remember her in Bring 'Em Back Alive, too. I know I do.

Well, that's pleasant

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.
You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.
You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.
Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).

Deep down you are: Dependable and modest

Your partying style: Understated and polite

Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

Tired of looking at hot women? I didn't think so., a website of "News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media," has put together their own Hot 100 list, voted on by the readership, which, they assure us, has more depth than Maxim's.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: Having more depth than Maxim is like building a better car than the Pinto.

I'm not going to repost or re-hash their entire list (at the link above if you want to see), but thought a slot or two deserved comment.

First of all, you-or at least I-have to get past the predictable presence of 99% of the women who have ever appeared on The L Word on the list. If there's anyone out there who doesn't know how I feel about that show, speak now, otherwise, I'll just move on.

Two slots down from that series' Rachel Shelley-who actually is one of the hotter women on it-we're rewarded with this picture of Mary-Louise Parker rockin' a Batgirl T-shirt.

A few pages further along you'll find Kristen Bell, late of Veronica Mars. I think they could have found a cooler picture, but that's me. Under her is...well, wouldn't you just know that The Perfect Woman For Me, Apparently, would also be a lesbian icon?

Also on the list, Renee O'Connor, best known of course for Xena, but also a star of the unreleased, unremarked film Rubbernecking, featuring Corey Klemow. Which means it's not just my life that's inexplicably linked with lesbian icons, it's my friends, too.

Ok, time for another picture. Ladies, I want you to take a look at this photo of actress Monica Bellucci and tell me...can she be comfortable?

I also note with some amusement that their #76 choice, Jennifer Connelly, was not only in my "most beautiful women" post a couple of months ago...but that they used exactly the same picture as I did.

Finally, it's bad enough that they had to put Amber Benson under Evan Rachel Wood (the latest in the list of women Marilyn Manson's going to disappoint), and Michelle Pfeiffer, but: Couldn't they have found a picture of her where she doesn't look stoned?

Benson is an outstanding-looking woman but in the picture they chose, she looks like she's been smoking Banana peels. As opposed to pictures like this-

-where she's just smokin'.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me

Your Score: The Girl Next Door

66% Sexy-Cute, 61% Dark-Light, 56% Artsy-Stylish

Cute, neither Dark nor Light, and neither Artsy nor Stylish. This sounds like a blah category, right? Oh, my, no. The Girl Next Door has been the subject of more dirty fantasies than you could possibly count. She's so sweet, and innocent, and infinitely corruptible. Every morning you glance out your window hoping she'll have forgotten to draw the blinds. You may feel bad about it, but you know you'll be doing it again tomorrow.

If you liked my test, Please rate it highly! Thanks!

Also, make sure to check out my Beautiful Faces Test if you haven't already.

Link: The Your Type of Girl Test written by dgc20e on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Yes, okay, I can live with that

Confession: I kind of fudged, I went back and changed one or two of my answers (it had been hard to choose between Alyssa Milano and Alexis Bledel anyway). I mean, the first score gave me Hilary Duff, with a "similar" for Mila Kunis, and I was simply not having that.

Nothing personal...I'm sure they're both very sexy and talented in their own right, but...

Your Score: Young Britney Spears

50% Eyes, 61% Nose, 48% Mouth, 52% SexyCute

You seem to enjoy prominent noses on cute girls. A caveat: we need to pretend the last few years of Britney's life never happened. Because although she's been known to sex it up, Britney rose to prominence by playing up the cute factor. She has a prominent nose, and millions of people think she's attractive. Or at least they did in the past.

Similar: Jessica Alba (smaller nose), Famke Janssen (sexier)

If you liked my test, please remember to give it a decent score, and of course I'm always happy to hear feedback. Thanks!

Also, you could check out my Your Type of Girl Test.

Link: The Beautiful Faces Test written by dgc20e on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

bipartisan this

I see a lot of calls for bipartisanship. More often than not, though certainly not every time, this comes from people who, now that Democrats have taken control of Congress and the Senate, are scared they'll hit back.

They're dealing with a president who clearly won't listen to anybody, so why should they listen to him?

The people who voted for them have told them-repeatedly-what they want them to do, so why don't they just do it?

It's not a partisan statement to say that the leader of the Republican party is a disengaged frat boy. It's an objective statement based on years of factual evidence.

Or, as the most effective President I'm likely to see in my lifetime said...

...I don't think Americans are tired of partisan politics; I think they're tired of hearing career politicians diss partisan politics to get a gig. I've tried it before, they ain't buying it. That's okay, though. That's okay, though, 'cause partisan politics is good. Partisan politics is what the founders had in mind. It guarantees that the minority opinion is heard, and as a lifelong possessor of minority opinions, I appreciate it.

Aaron Sorkin and Paul Redford, The West Wing, "Game On."

This is another one of those quiz results that I'll never live down for as long as I live

Which Batman Villain Are You Most Like?
created with

I did have this poster...

I'm not too worried, I'm not too mad, I am something that you'll never understand

Which Prince ERA are you?
created with

Music Meme (1989)

PJ The Urban Recluse tagged me with a meme:

1. Go to
2. Pick the year you turned 18
3. Get yourself nostalgic over the song’s of the year
4. Write something about how the song affected you
5. Pass it on to 5 more friends

I actually already did something similar a couple of years ago, but what the heck, I'll play (and try not to repeat myself too much). Let's see.

In 1989 I was working in the video section of a Tower Records store, was still a couple of years away from discovering Kirsty MacColl, and further from being any kind of a jazz head. The electronic pop artists that I considered great (and still do) like Pet Shop Boys, weren't on the US charts much anymore. PSB had put out their second album, which is still one of my favorites, Actually. I think I was still resisting rap; to a lesser degree The Smiths, and I'd already gone through my blues phase by that time. Repeated exposure to Def Leppard in the cars of my friends made me a fan.

Okay, here's what I got.

Straight Up (Paula Abdul) - Oh-oh-oh. A brilliant record of a stupid song.

The Look (Roxette) -At the time I either didn't like or wouldn't admit to liking "The Look," today I think it's great dumb fun. It's like an '80s pop version of a Monkees record, and I mean both as a compliment.

This is 1985, not 1989, but damnit I just feel like posting it: I Can Dream About You (Dan Hartman) - I still thought it was an awesome song in 1989. I still think it's an awesome song now.

BTW, Hartman's co-star in the video is Joyce Hyser, who around the same time played the lead in Just One Of The Guys.

If she looked in this video the way she looked in most of that movie, I'd have believed Hartman was really interested in her.

If You Don't Know Me By Now (Simply Red) -But really, what can be said about this that isn't better said by the David Brent version?

And finally, Batdance (Prince) -I'm sure Prince wrote the Batman album in his sleep, but it's still the last one of his I've liked.

I'll tag:

  1. Jeopardygirl
  2. James "the" Mann
  3. Johnny B.
  4. Gaije
  5. Dave Lifton
  6. and Sherman, if he feels like it.

Something for the 12-year-old boy in all of us

All of us who were ever 12-year-old boys, that is (and straight ones, at that). When she's not making entries in her No Smoking in the Skull Cave blog, Becca works as a photographer. Yesterday, she posted a couple of pictures.

Pictures of a fine girl called Evangeline...wearing a Catholic school-type skirt...holding a lightsaber.

I'm weak.

On her knees, yet, in one of the photos.

Fellas (and any curious ladies), click on the link above. Your inner child will thank me. You think Princess Leia in the Gold Bikini looms large in your fantasies...

"Jessica Rabid" in multi-media

Jessica Valenti of the blog Feministing was on The Colbert Report last night to promote her book, Full Frontal Feminism. As luck would have it, I had read the book earlier that day; I can be found joining the discussion of it in the reviews.

Here's the video of her appearance.

I thought she was fabulous, BTW. I'm on record in a few places as saying that I think her writing is both funny and intelligent, so I don't feel too anti-feminist in adding: Awesome looking legs, too.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

What process would that be, Silverman?

Newly appointed NBC Universal Entertainment Co-chairman Ben Silverman has castigated L.A. Weekly columnist Nikki Finke, who broke the story on her website last week that top NBC executives were planning to replace Entertainment President Kevin Reilly with Silverman. On Monday, TV Week quoted Silverman as saying, "I hate the blog world. ... It ends up interfering with people's lives. It messes with the process."

What process would that be, Silverman? The process where you're trying to see how much more advertising feces you can smear across our screens? The process wherein, apparently, advertisers are loosening their pants before meetings with you, because they know you'll greet them on your knees?

That process?

God, spare me from multi-millionaire execs who raise their trivial annoyances to the level of something portentous. And speaking for the blogger world (I think I can), we hate you too.

God, we can do without this kind of irony in our lives

Lifesaving Mission Ends With 6 Dead

The patient lay on the operating table, prepped for transplant surgery. In the air over Lake Michigan, a twin-engine plane sped his way, carrying a team of surgeons and technicians, along with a donor organ on ice.

The plane never made it, crashing into the lake's choppy waters and killing all six people aboard Monday.

Now the critically ill patient could become the accident's seventh fatality.

There's more if you can take it.

haec credam a deo pio, a deo justo, a deo scito?

Some afternoons you just feel like an obscure ballad.

Here's Split Enz.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Speak for yourself, John

From the book Man In The Middle by John Amaechi, the British-raised former NBA center who announced that he is gay earlier this year, on his arrival in Ohio in 1988:
I was addiced to '80s pop, especially the Brit variety, which at that time had barely made it to the American coasts, let alone the middle of the country. So I suffered from serious music withdrawal. In those pre-iPod days, I missed the cool tunes of Ultravox, Hot Chocolate, Marc Almond, Human League, Erasure and ABBA.

In retrospect, I suppose my taste in music should have been an early clue. It was hard to imagine a gayer playlist than the one I'd unconsciously assembled.

A pair of Jacks

I was emailing with my pal Corey tonight about this article:
NBC's new chief Ben Silverman has indicated that his regime intends to be advertiser friendly and will be searching for ways to integrate ads

This led to a brief exchange about how they used to integrate commercials in the old days of radio and television. While looking for an example or two from Jack Benny, who was as good at that as he was at most things, I found a couple of clips.

These have nothing to do with advertising, but if they don't make you laugh, I'll buy a hatrack for a moose.

All you really need to know about this first one is that it's Johnny Carson and his idol in 1955.

I missed Carson after he was gone, but Benny was the greater clown, and a big influence on the younger man (something Carson always admitted--the two were good friends).

The second clip is of Jack teamed up with one of the few comedians who cut almost as great a figure as he did (IMO, and I don't want to fight about it) : Groucho Marx.

Benny was not as good friends with Groucho as he was with Carson. The fact is, people called Groucho that for a reason. But they're just as great together onscreen, if not better.

If I was a sleepy animated cartoon character, I thought I'd be Slowpoke Rodriguez















Which seven dwarf are you?
created with

My new transient blogger crush

Mary Forrest.

If my eyes don't deceive me...

So you want to see Is She Really Going Out With Him, the Joe Jackson hit, as performed on ukelele and musical saw?

Good news!

If wanting to go back to Paradise is wrong...

...I don't want to be right. What we have here is a little music video clip someone called jks126d has put together using clips from the Phoebe Cates movie Paradise. It's set to a tinny version of the title song, as sung by Cates herself.

BTW, fair warning: This clip also contains, unavoidably, shots of a pre-Charles In Charge, pre-Bibleman Willie Aames. In a loincloth. When he appears with her, try to concentrate on Phoebe for the sake of your immortal soul. When it's a close-up of just him, shut your eyes for a second and try to think about something good.

Like how Phoebe was a better actress than you remember her or that most give her credit for being. After all, she managed to kiss Willie Aames, without looking as though she wanted to hurl. And Kevin Kline has the Oscar in that family? That's not cool.

(As an aside, did you know that frequent Oscar-show producer Gill Cates is Phoebe's uncle?)

Here's the clip.

And he (I'm just guessing) didn't even use the "showering under a waterfall" scene...

This was all pretty accurate...

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means

Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared.

You have a total sweet tooth. When you can get away with it, you like to have dessert before dinner!

Your taste in food tends to be conservative and traditional. It's likely that you prefer "All American" favorites like mac and cheese or hamburgers.

Admit it, you're a little trashy and low class at times. You're definitely more comfortable at a tattoo parlor than the theater.

You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.

You are laid back and extremely easygoing. You never make a fuss, and you try to enjoy every moment.

I don't even mind the bit about being trashy and low class...until the part about being "more comfortable at a tattoo parlor than the theater." After and including that, it's all crap.

That's right, goddamnit!

Your Are a Bold Brunette

Men see you as striking and mysterious - you have a certain allure.
Comfortable in your own skin, you know you have a unique beauty.
You don't mind attention, but you don't need to seek it out.

Random Flickr-blogging 7154

"I swear," Mariah thought, "The very next person who asks me, 'are you blue?' is getting killed."


Don't you hate it when you hear about a band that looks like they could have been made just for you, then you hear them and they kinda suck? That's the worst.

Team Gina. Electro duo. From Seattle. Lesbians, yet, just like I like to write about (for those of you who don't know my work, I don't mean in an exploitative manner).

Their bio name-checks the Bangles, Debbie Gibson, Dreamgirls, Duran Duran, The Go-Gos, Jem and the Holograms, Kraftwerk, Ladytron, Madonna, Nu Shooz, Paula Abdul, Salt n' Pepa, Tiffany, Wham! Theater games, Heathers, 80s popstar impersonations and the Miami Vice theme song among other things.

I could I not like them?

This is how.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

The wonder of mankind's technology

Over on her blog, PJ has delighted me with a couple of things. First, by hipping me to a new way of sharing eye candy with you, and second, by using my reason enough to believe in god, Anne Hathaway, to do so.

I think we all know I wasn't going to let that stand without offering my own homage...

When did this happen?

You folks remember LeAnn Rimes-country music singer, onetime child star, etc? For a long time now I've had her down on my list of people who can clearly sing but who happen to work in a genre of music from which I don't take much pleasure. With one or two expections.

So I'm in Safeway yesterday and on my way down the magazine aisle when I see this out of the corner of my eye.

I almost walked into the back of the person ahead of me...