Mr. Blackwell's worst (and best)-dressed list, with commentary

Victoria Beckham — in her defense, it's hard to be well-dressed when you're a stick. For god's sake, the woman makes Gwyneth Paltrow look Reubenesque.

_No. 2. Amy Winehouse — I have nothing much to say about Amy Winehouse, but I have had the following revelation:

She's Mamie Van Doren from the Bizarro World, where everything that was healthy is sick; everything that was bright and shiny is dark, and vice-versa.

(she even tarnishes my favorite color, for god's sake).


_No. 3. Mary Kate Olsen — Oh, I don't know. Mary-Kate has a certain "like she's been ridden hard and put away wet" quality to her that I find attractive in a guilty-pleasure sort of way.

Or maybe-given this picture-I mean a "photo-negative version of Morticia Addams" sort of way."

_No. 4. Fergie — This one I have to go along with.

I'm sorry, I just don't get Fergie.

I'll admit, she's physically fit (or maybe I mean plastically), but...

Kelly Clarkson. To tell you the truth, if I were she...

...and scarcely a day goes by that I don't wish I were...I'd trumpet my inclusion on such a list.

I'd buy an ad in Entertainment Weekly or somewhere and add the caption, "It's not about fashion, bitches."

That's just me, of course.

Eva Green. Yeah. As if anyone cares what Eva Green wears.

Avril Lavigne.
As if...anyone...cares...about...Avril...Lavigne.
(yow!)


Jessica Simpson. Ms. Simpson is seen here standing in front of a machine that turns the thoughts of all straight males in the room to abstract expressionism.

Lindsay Lohan. Well, you're never fully dressed without a psyche.


Ms. Lohan is seen here about to return a remarkably chrome-free trailer hitch.


Alison Arngrim. Yeah. I didn't know who she was or what she was doing on this list either. But in my opinion? This ensemble (left) is fabulous.

Missing from the list was Britney Spears, who has made it many times before.

"I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval. I hope 2008 is a better year for her," Blackwell said.

Good god. How in the fuck fucked-up do you have to be when Mr. Blackwell won't even bitch about you? That's like being such an incompetent boob you can't even be elected president as a republican.

(zing! He's back!)

And just as a side note, wouldn't it be great if Britney really wasn't as troubled as we all think, and had just made a deal on the QT to promote the second season of Courtney Cox's Dirt?

Gotta admit...that would make a whole lot of the pieces suddenly fit together...

Blackwell also released a Fabulous Fashion Independents list that included:

Reese Witherspoon. So I guess we're permitted to allow for airbrushing.

Jemima Khan. I don't know much about Ms. Kahn, but I'll go along with it.

Beyonce. Here, Ms. Knowles prepares to shed her skin like a snake.

Angelina Jolie. Ok, fair enough.

Helen Mirren. I don't know about her dress sense, but she certainly wears writing well.

Nicole Kidman. This is not a picture of Nicole Kidman. It is a picture of Kate Winslet. If you have to ask why...stop reading this blog.

Katie Holmes. Sweet god. She's wearing a bed sheet.
Kate Middleton
Katherine Heigl. I think she looks best with Isaiah Washington's head at her feet.
Cate Blanchett.