All these places have their moments With lovers and friends i still can recall

I don't have a girlfriend (again), this Valentine's Day. Considering that, I feel pretty good about it. For all my depression, I never quite feel that I'm never going to have a girlfriend again...just that I haven't had one for a while. But enough about that- I don't want to be maudlin.

What I want to do is post a few memories. Not so much to massage my ego--though who doesn't love a spot of self-ego massage, now and then?--but just as a reminder (to me). These women and girls cared about me once, and some will again.

(And he doesn't want to be maudlin?)

Anyway.

(for the record, this is a non-all inclusive list)

I remember my first girl reaching out to undo my belt. A quick moment, but one of those which takes an instant photograph in your head.

I remember Kahni (that's how she spelled it), to me Constance, as to her I was Benjamin, and I'm not sure now how all that started, but I smile to think of it.

I remember an ex saying "Ben, there are a lot positive words to be used to describe you. Nice...is not one of them."

I remember arriving home from a date with Christina to find a message on my machine. "I just wanted to say goodnight...and I love you." Part of me wishes I'd kept that tape, another part knows that would be deeply, deeply sad.

I remember Andrea saying "Of course I think you're cute."

I remember Amy's tearful voice late one night (or probably early one morning) saying she just wanted to talk to the nicest guy she knew.

I remember Erica saying she liked me when I was quiet.

I remember my cat, Donovan, burrowing his way in-between me and Sue Couret when we slept spoon-style.

I remember A'mee's essential goodness.