I can't decide...

...whether I want to stay straight, so that I might fantasize about seducing Meghan McCain...



...Or go gay, so that she might become my hag.

“Does it sound campy to say I love gay men?” asks Meghan McCain, sipping an iced tea at the nouveau-chic Hotel Palomar in Washington, D.C.’s Dupont Circle. Campy or not, the lovesick McCain has been ubiquitous this year, sallying forth on late-night TV -- Larry King Live, The Colbert Report, The Rachel Maddow Show -- to scold the Republican establishment for its social conservatism and stump for gay marriage. “If two people fall in love, they should have the option to get married just like I can,” she told Stephen Colbert, pointing out the inherent hypocrisy of a party that believes in keeping government out of people’s private lives -- except when those people are gay men and women.

Yet even as the balance begins to shift, the old guard is still yapping in the foreground. Shortly before McCain sat for this interview, Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, gave an interview to Christianity Today in which he complained about “queers” and declared, “I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.” Unprompted, McCain rails against the man her father’s presidential campaign touted as an American everyman and made a showpiece in the weeks before the election. “Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass. He should stick to plumbing.”