The Dress

I've just seen one of the creepier films of my life. It's called The Dress and it was made in the Netherlands about 10 years ago. The director is reportedly "a cult favorite in Europe," and the premise sounds like something a cult favorite, or a wannabe of same, would cook up:

To follow along the "life" of a dress as it goes from cotton being harvested, is passed from owner to owner, and is eventually destroyed. Not a bad concept for a film, perhaps. But the decision was apparently made to make the dress cursed, and each woman who wears it is humiliated or worse.

It comes billed as a "dark comedy;" it's dark to be sure. But how comedic you think it is may depend on how funny you find the concept of multiple women nearly being raped, one mutiple times, by multiple people.

Of course, in her case, they make it a little bit hard to have too much sympathy for the woman in question. I put it to you, ladies. If--

• A man you didn't know broke into your home
• Took off nearly all his clothes
• Got into bed with you while you were sleeping naked
• Tricked you into believing he was your boyfriend for a moment, so you'd touch him
• And kissed you

--how likely would you be to make a date to meet him another day? No matter how beautiful he said you were or how much he told you he loved you? Well, that's exactly what one woman with the misfortune to wear The Dress does. When she finally decides that hey, this guy might be a nutjob (y'think?), she escapes from him by running for a deserted bus...the driver of which promptly tries to rape her.

Are you feeling the comedy yet?

After escaping from this would-be rapist, she gives The Dress to a charity store, where it is altered and sold to our next unfortunate victim. This is a young girl who has the bad luck to wear it on the same train where our hero, the first would-be rapist, works as a ticket agent. He follows her home, ascertains that her parents are going away for the weekend, breaks in, and forces her to strip naked and allow him to sleep in the same bed with her.

She escapes the next morning, locking him into the bedroom, and we think Ah! She's going to phone the authorities! But she just gets back on the train, seeing him escape out the window as she rides past.

Like the first woman, she's seemingly little the worse for wear. I submit that most people (male or female) would not shrug off such a thing.

Of course, there are one or two women in the movie who never wear the accursed Dress, but don't worry, the film makes sure they're humiliated too. Like the one we see thrown out of a house in only a white bra (no panties) and shot at, because, we are informed by dialogue, she balked at having sex with a pig.

When I say "a pig" I don't mean "A man whom she found physically and/or sexually disgusting," I mean a big, snorting pig. Did I mention that this film was made in the Netherlands? It's all wrapped up with an ending that just cries out for a voiceover that says "Those wacky rapists."

I would just like to take this moment to apologize to any and all members of "the fairer sex" who may be looking in. I'm sorry for having inadverdently supported, in any way, this movie (if only through the rental charge) and indeed, for having watched it.

I was misled by inexplicably favorable reviews and deceptive DVD packaging, but I accept that these are not excuses. How many "chick flicks" do I have to watch to do penance?