'Twas the night before Halloween, I'm thinking aloud...

I may be babysitting for my nephew tomorrow evening. I say "may" because when I called his mom to talk about it, she said she wasn't feeling well and might not be going out.

She's going to see how she feels after taking him trick-or-treating that afternoon. (I was momentarily rankled that he'll be going while it's still light out...then I remembered he's going as Darth Vader, so visibility is a factor.)

Anyway, if I do end up going over, I was thinking it might not be a bad idea to pick up a few scary--but appropriate for children--movies on the way.

So, I went in search of some films in the PG range (he's seven) that got high rankings on the old Tomatometer.

You know what I found out? Film ratings sure seem to have changed (not that I'm suggesting the MPAA is anything but consistent and well-reasoned).

Bear in mind, all of these are movies that, theoretically, I could've plunked down money at any theater in the land and seen all by myself (in one or two cases, did) when I was my nephew's age or younger.

Jaws. Ok, one of the great movies no question but...really? My poor nephew's already afraid to get his face wet when he goes swimming. Pass.

Sleuth (original, with Olivier and Caine).This I don't think would scare him too bad, but I also don't think he'd find it very interesting.



Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978, Kaufman version).

Are you crazy? The "photo novel" version of this alone gave me the creeps when I was a kid.

And when it comes to bleak endings, I might just as well show him the ending of Saw IV.

...and that is never, ever going to happen, at least not for another decade.

Phantom of the Paradise.Again: Powerful if flawed movie, but so not something I think anyone should see before they're (at least) old enough to drive. Watched that trailer? PG?

Poltergeist. Yeah, his parents would forgive me for that.



Swamp Thing. Ah! Now we're talking. Now that's a kid's horror movie (and the one I actually saw in the theater when I was nine or ten).

-providing you watch the version with Adrienne Barbeau's topless scene edited out, of course...

Stepford Wives (1970s version). Somehow, I think the intended antifeminism backlash satire might be lost upon the kid. And that's probably a good thing (come a long long way baby, etc).



BTW, listen to the narrator of this trailer. Isn't that Tony Perkins?

Twilight Zone: The Movie. No, but more because it's kind of crap than really all that
...scary.

Anyway as we all know, the freakiest part of this movie is not on the screen.

(Trivia: The third and fifth season Simpsons Halloween episodes have good spoofs of Zone episodes that were also adapted for this film, one of which, in turn, stars Nancy "Bart Simpson" Cartwright)

If not these, what then?

Hermione
Originally uploaded by ursulakm

A Harry Potter movie might not be a bad idea...my fave is still Order of the Phoenix, and I don't know if he's seen it.

Coraline I know he's seen a few times.

I have a lot of fond memories of Bedknobs & Broomsticks, and here's one now...



I don't know if it would hold up for a 21st century child, but it has just been re-released on DVD...

Side note to self: It's not really a Halloween movie, but you must show Tristan Tron some day. (esp. before this comes out)

Front Desk
Originally uploaded by John(ny) D

Maybe we'll just watch (if anything) one of his many Pixar DVDs...

Speaking of Willis, did you know she was made by Mattel?

(Another one of those jokes I deserve to go to hell for...)

The tendency of the universe towards balance

Brace yourself, it seems Lindsay Lohan may've been missing the feel of rough hands upon her breasts, and has switched back to boys again (take down her flag!).

But, have no fear, those of you who will miss a lesbian pairing of which many are skeptical:

This January, 90210 will embark on a major same-sex storyline that will pair the show’s token lesbian, Gia, played by Rumer Willis, with another major (and heretofore straight) female character.

(BTW, I want you to know I thought up the idea for this post before I knew there were photos of Lohan and Willis kissing. It's all an amazing coincidence.)

Producers are shocked--shocked!--to think that anyone could think this was a desperate ratings ploy.

“This isn’t a fling,” insists executive producer Rebecca Sinclair. “We’re coming at this [relationship] from a genuine place and not going, ‘Let’s do a titillating story that will grab some promotion.’ This is a real aspect of teenager life that’s interesting… And there’s been a real void in the 90210 universe in terms of gay and bisexual characters.”

I wish I knew...

...who this model was.

There's Something In This About All Women, #21

Damn, am I the only one?

Deborah "the artist formerly known as Debbie" Gibson showed some ab at a recent event:



She's getting a lot of love for 'em from the writers and readers of this site, but I'm having trouble feeling it. Call me unreconstructed, but I prefer my women a little softer, even cushion-y, like, oh, say, this:



Deborah Gibson should pay attention to this Debbie Gibson person.



On the other hand, at least it looks as though she got that rock-hard ab body naturally, as opposed to...

(and for the Playboy pics, some Photoshop may have been involved).

Worthy of note

Something's been bothering me a little bit lately with all the talk about how Fox "News" leans to the right and is not really a news organization. There seems to be this compulsive, knee-jerk need to then add something like: "But of course, the left has MSNBC."

Even people I like and respect have done this, like Jon Stewart on last night's Daily Show. But I don't think it's right to cast the two organizations as any kind of true equivalent of each other, and not just because I'm a Democrat.

Greg Sargent agrees:

Sure, MSNBC has Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, and Ed Schultz. But it’s debatable, to begin with, that they are polar opposites — in terms of their ideology or their relationship to reality — of Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck.

Debatable to say the least. I don't watch Schultz's show, but Maddow and Olbermann I do. They are smart people, and their shows promote smarts. From everything that I have seen, read, and heard of Fox "News," their people are dumb (or cynically pretending to be so) and their shows promote dumbness.

What political party they support has less to do with it than some people think.

Still and all, I would totally date Courtney Love if given half a chance

Look at it this way: The conversation would never be boring. It might not always be incoherent, but it would never be boring.



Also, check out those sexy lips.



That's all I'm saying.

Bar Refaeli is crazy curvy in a bikini

...or out of one, as the case may be.

Emmy Rossum says: Yes, those are my breasts, can we be grown-ups now?

Some people should just never wear clothes

Life is good.

As of this morning, this blog is the number-one answer if you Google the phrase "Natalie Portman is annoying."

Well, we've all felt that way, haven't we, ladies?

(Pumpkin) Heads-up

Or,

Just wait 'til next year, Charlie Brown. You'll see! Next year at this same time, I'll find the pumpkin patch that is real sincere and I'll sit in that pumpkin patch until the Great Pumpkin appears. He'll rise out of that pumpkin patch and he'll fly through the air with his bag of toys. The Great Pumpkin will appear and I'll be waiting for him! I'll be there! I'll be sitting there in that pumpkin patch and I'll see the Great Pumpkin. Just wait and see, Charlie Brown. I'll see the Great Pumpkin. I'll SEE the Great Pumpkin! Just you wait, Charlie Brown. The Great Pumpkin will appear and I'll be waiting for him...

Taking a larger view

Some of you may be wondering when all the talk of Saw is going to die down around here. The answer is: Not yet, but soon.

I wanted to point you towards this MSNBC.com article, which seeks to place the franchise within the context of the horror genre.

Excerpts:

“I like the ‘Saw’ movies,” said Brad Miska, editor of bloody-disgusting.com, one of the most popular Web sites for horror fans. Miska said his review of an early screening of the first “Saw” helped to convince Lions Gate to release it.

“I liked the character of Jigsaw, and I think there was a cool mythology attached to it,” he said.

“I don’t really believe in the torture porn genre,” he said. “I don’t think it really exists. It was just made up by certain individuals who don’t understand the horror genre.”

The article just went up today, but seems to have been written before VI came out. I say that because they quote producer Mark Burg saying:

“They thought the ‘Rocky’ series would go on forever, but once he made a bad one nobody came to the theater. It took Sly (Sylvester Stallone) years to get his core audience back.

... People pay a lot of money to go to the movies, and they want to be entertained. You have to make a good movie and deliver or people won’t come.”

It's funny you say that, actually...a popular theory among the fans is that at least one reason why VI has, thus far, failed to live up to its moneymaking potential, is because V was so terrible it chased moviegoers away from the theatres.

Oops.

Is it me, or in this picture, does Elizabeth Hurley look like a baby threw up Pepto-Bismol all over her?

A question for those brothers who have sisters, or vice-versa

Is it considered normal for young women to go shopping for Trashy Lingerie while in the company of their brother?



(case in point: Brooke Hogan)

Even after death, her timing's still good

Bea Arthur left $300,000 to a charity for homeless gay youth.

Just when I thought that Joe Lieberman could not possibly surprise me anymore

I've long thought that Lieberman was a two-faced boob who doesn't even know (or care) what party he's in; undeserving of respect. It was Al Gore's selection of him for VP that, more than anything, made it impossible for me to vote for him in 2000.

But anyway, because of long holding these opinions, I was not exactly surprised, yesterday, when he announced he would vote, and join any GOP filibuster, against the public option.

No, the surprise came this afternoon, when I learned that the state of Connecticut, which Lieberman represents in the senate (for the moment)...has a public option. His constituents already have, that which he will deny to the rest of us.

Do you guys happen to remember my previous discourse on whores?

A choice of responses

Former “Friends” star Jennifer Aniston has revealed she is scared of botox because it makes people “look harder” and incapable of expressing emotion.

1. Attaway, Jennifer! Everybody knows pretty girls like you are suppoed to make the opposite sex "look h-" oh, excuse me.

2. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to've hurt Virginia Madsen too much.

3. Then again, there is the whole Demi Moore/Heather Thomas thing. Let them be a lesson to you, Jennifer!

OMG, how utterly vile

Remember the Family Research Council? They're the KKK-connected, anti-gay conservative "Christian " group the president of which, I always find it amusing to relate, shares a name with a famously closeted gay actor: Tony Perkins.

Here's their latest idiocy: Since we don't know how many gay old people there are, we shouldn't bother to worry about their getting care and attention, medical and otherwise.

Now, I know this is an overused phrase, but seriously: Wrong on so many levels...

Dear Mrs Winehouse: When people said...

...that you should take better care of yourself, this is not what they were talking about.

Amy takes her new plastic tits around the block for a spin.

Please, won't someone think of the bigots?

Last night, Stephen Colbert took on something I'm sorry to say is happening in the very state in which I live...

The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Religion

You know, every now and then it strikes me that Jennifer Aniston is very pretty

I mean, as if this were a new thing...

Natalie Portman is annoying

And not in a good way.

Latest evidence: She's against eating animals, which is fine. But like more than a few people who are against eating animals, she doesn't quite put her ideas across as well as she might:

...consideration, as promoted by Michael Pollan in The Omnivore's Dilemma, which has more to do with being polite to your tablemates than sticking to your own ideals, would be absurd if applied to any other belief (e.g., I don't believe in rape, but if it's what it takes to please my dinner hosts, then so be it).

Talking of absurdity, Miss Portman, you do realize that if you flip that idea, it means that since I had lunch at Burger King yesterday, I might as well've stopped off on the way home to get a good rape in, doesn't it?

For that matter, Portman is one of those who signed the petition to have charges dropped against Roman Polanski. So her making reference to overlooking a reprehensible crime out of consideration for other ideals may not be the smartest thing she ever did.

Surprise.

The Judy Blume Quiz Score: 73% (8 out of 11)

Now I just have to find quizzes for Harriet the Spy and The Outsiders...

Got a pin-up thing goin' on

Miranda Kerr.

How true.

He never!

Ok--here's something I observe with minor annoyance: The latest article on how Paranormal Activity basically beat up Saw VI and took its lunch money.

That's not the part I observe with annoyance. I just observe it, as it seems to be a fact (most evidence suggests). But you will have noticed that I sometimes have a bug in my bonnet about inaccurate reportage.

The $14.8 million estimated weekend total had to be a disappointment to Lionsgate, the series, sponsor. "If we end up with at least $20 million," David Spitz, the company's executive VP and general manager, told the industry blog The Wrap, "we'll be talking about Saw VII, this time next year." Oh, no — a fright season without Jigsaw luridly dismembering nubile teens? Say it ain't so!

Ha ha, your sarcasm is very amusing, Richard Corliss--but Jigsaw has absolutely never "luridly dismembered a nubile teen." First of all, the victims are rarely dismembered--luridly or otherwise (I'm not saying never, but rarely).

And second the average John Kramer subject is in their early 40s. In six movies, the closest he's ever come to testing a "nubile teen" is Daniel in Saw II.

I don't know about Richard Corliss, but "nubile" isn't the word that jumps to my mind for Dan, although the character is a teen. What's more he wasn't "dismembered" in any way, shape or form, in fact he's one of a very small percentage of people to live all the way through a Jigsaw "game."

Is my making this entry petty? Yeah, probably--but I don't mind if Saw VI went down because it was overmatched, or because of what the series has become. I have definite opinions on much of that as well (and for your pleasure, I won't be talking about all of them here).

But, I don't like it when a critic I'm not convinced has watched a single movie in a series that, overall, I still love, takes a swipe at it that seems to have it confused with Friday the 13th.

Kind of puts House always talking about Cuddy's ass into perspective, doesn't it?

You know...for all that I try to speak up when I see injustice to girls and women here in my part of the world (and I do), there are times I'm very glad indeed that, if I ever have a daughter, she will be an American. This is one of those times.

A female Saudi journalist was sentenced to receive 60 lashes after the network she worked for aired a talk show featuring a young man boasting about his sexual conquests.

LBC’s offices in Saudi Arabia were shut down over the incident for airing programs “contrary to morals and ethics.”

As god is my witness, I have no idea how I feel about this

About what?



...Barbie Doll versions of Debbie Harry & Joan Jett, that's what.



(There's Cyndi Lauper, too)

I could die from all this irony

Not only has Saw VI recieved the best reviews since the original movie, as noted yesterday, but...

It was the worst opening ever for Lionsgate's "Saw" series, whose previous low was $18.3 million for the original movie

I don't think 3D is going to save the series

Hollywood gasps as 'Paranormal Activity' sends 'Saw VI' to a box office grave

The main culprit in "Saw's" demise was the continuing phenomenon of "Paranormal Activity."

An even more impressive comparison, "Paranormal" knocked "Saw" off its expected perch while playing in 1,000 less theaters.

If you didn't already have a good idea that Republicans are cracking up...

...this should just about settle it: The idea that anyone, anywhere, even for a second, could think that Roger Ailes could make a viable run for The White House in 2012.

Ailes, besides just being a bad person, is quite simply the least telegenic man in America if not the world.

It's your patriotic duty to vote...

...in this poll for the best real celebrity tits of all time.

Dear Anne: You know I worship you, but I'm just not sure that dress is flattering

...Actually, I'm gonna come down on the side of yes it is, but mostly because anything up to and including a paper bag is flattering on Anne Hathaway.

I like to think that Jigsaw himself would appreciate this irony

(Or, "Make your choice...")

Objectively speaking, Saw VI has gotten the best reviews of the series since the original.

Doesn't matter. Apparently, Saw V didn't just blow, it blew almost half the ticketbuyers out of the theaters.

And who's returning for the next one? The director of V...

That's why it's better down where it's wetter

What Mythological Creature are you?

You Scored as Mermaid

Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid.

I suppose I should feel sorry for her...I'm just not sure if I can.

Pamela Anderson is broke because she had to have a platinum tiled swimming pool.

This sort of thing is why

Any longtime readers may remember that I have once or twice referred to to David Cross as a "professional twat."

"I let you make your own choices. I wanted you to succeed. You couldn't. Oh, God. Game over."

Ok. Obviously, I'm going to do most of my talking about Saw VI with people who, oh what is the phrase, care.

This isn’t most of you. But having put you through more than a few posts about it over the past few months, I want to record a few, more general thoughts, here.

It may be the biggest mistake the Saw directors, screenwriters, producers and/or studio have made that they decided to start making each film dependent on your having seen all of those that came before.

One reason why this may be a mistake is that it would seem to explain why the series has peaked at the box office, at least domestically (not that it isn't still making a tidy profit).

Not unreasonably, there are fewer and fewer people who want to watch what now amounts to about nine hours-plus of material in order to enjoy a horror/suspense tale fully.

The other problem is that those of us who have watched that material...know how much the latest batch has been diluted...which is considerably.

Financially, the series may not have reached the point of diminishing returns, creatively, it has. Especially so far as the characters. One obvious example will suffice:

We've gone from knowing almost nothing about Jigsaw at the end of the first movie to knowing so much about him that we literally know the name of his insurance carrier (to say nothing of his ex-wife; the name they were going to give their baby...).

The problem is: It shouldn't be about these characters anymore. It should be about the ideas. As you know, the reason I've thought all along that Saw was qualitatively different from your Friday the 13th's and so on, is because there were ideas, and a psychology, at the center of the gore.

But as the series has gone on--and I'm more convinced than ever this is down to the departure of co-creator/writer/star Leigh Whannell--those waters have grown ever shallower.

That said...

...you may not believe this given the forgoing, but I actually thought much of the movie Saw VI was fantastic. If I gave out-of-10 rankings, I'd give it a five, maybe even (coincidentally enough) a six.

It benefits in part from the fact that Saw V, I can be frank having reconsidered it after a year, really kinda blew. That movie was essentially three good scenes strung together with filler and more filler.


VI has more good scenes than that, and (at least some of) the ideas that fit them together are worthy of John Kramer's lovely insanity.

One of these is, in essence, to treat the decision-makers of society as they treat those whose lives they affect. That's believable as a Jigsaw "game."

As director, Kevin Greutert does a much better job than V's David Hackl.
I believed how it ended, all right, it was the bits we had to slog through to get there that worried me...

One difference is Greutert's maintaining of an extraordinary; horrible (meant as a good thing in this context) tension and suspense.

Greutert is the series longtime editor, so I expected the storytelling to be improved, but he also gives us one or two splendidly (again, in this context) disturbing images.

Unfortunately, VI has one or two of the most idiotic, laughable "traps" in the series so far. Why idiotic and laughable? ...you don't care, just take my word for it-this post is already longer than I intended it to be. But it speaks to a larger failure in the film:

More than a few of the worst things about it are the things forced on it because it's a Saw film: The increasingly haphazard; "ironic" traps; the need to fit that damn Billy doll into every movie; the tying up of loose ends that didn't need to be tied up (the title quote to this post is a reference to that, but one more time, you don't care) and, last but not least, that twist ending.

To be scrupulously fair (Jigsaw would want it that way), I should add that one or two of the traps, you could make a case, are some of the best since the first film.

In closing, I want to say that for the most part, the actors keep up the higher standard that, I also maintain, Saw requires.

Tobin Bell, of course, continues to cast a long shadow, and it's more than understandable the filmmakers want to put him in as many good scenes as possible. But I think it's time for him to step back.

Still, he is better served here than either of the actors playing Jigsaw's warring apprentices. Costas Mandylor's character may be the most inconsistently written character in the whole series (although he does get the spotlight in one of the images I mentioned above, and the film's best joke).

Shawnee Smith is disappointingly wasted. (Again, why? You don't care. Just trust me.)


New-to-the-series star Peter Outerbridge actually does a great job, and also bears, I am not the first person to notice, an uncanny, startling resemblance to Peter O'Toole.

But...Betsy Russell. Oh dear.

Russell is a sexual icon for men like me who went into our puberty in the '80s, and she remains a beautiful woman. Her first starring appearance in the Saw movies (following a brief dream/flashback John Kramer has during brain surgery in III) came in Saw IV.

There, she was able to keep afloat a certain ambiguity about what and how much her character knew. In V she was part of the filler (more of a prop than anything else).

Now in VI, she is given one of the series taglines. But, her character stripped of ambiguity, as an actress, Russell shows a lack of the oomph previous actors given the line have had.

(She's also engaged to one of the Saw producers.)

Whatever the plan for Saw VII, I hope it goes back to focusing upon what John Kramer's plans were, not upon the people who shared them for their own intents and purposes, whatever they might've been.

I can't think of anything to add

...to this list of 10 sexy tomboys.

But in looking around to see if I could, I found there's an all-female sketch troupe in Southern California called "Tomboys in Fishnets." I like the name, I like the idea...I just wish I could say they made me laugh...

Hilary Duff is trying way too hard to be my girlfriend

Granted, according to one of those online tests a few years ago, she is my type of girl.



But still. A curvy figure w/hard nipples, a green top, and a leopard-skin skirt?



Good god, woman, have some faith in yourself...

Sometimes I can't remember just what we ever thought was so good about Denise Richards

Oh, right.

Fair warning: These pictures are about 10 years old

However, given that they're (in no particular order):

Of Dita Von Teese

In, shall we say, certain lesbian scenarios

Also, in the nude

And the other woman in them is a Playmate named Alley Baggett

...somehow, I don't think you'll mind looking at them.



Dated as they may be.



Seriously, that dame is beautiful.

(w/thanks to The Superficial.)

"His disease is spreading," indeed

So there's an image going around the blogs this morning of Rihanna's "new look:"



Does it remind you of anything?

no long in the tooth, chuck your daddy out the room

You Speak British Slang

British Slang: 50% Aussie Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 25% New England Slang: 25% Southern Slang: 25% Prison Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

I don't want to say that it's cold here...

...in fact, it's merely overcast. Although I am sickish. But for whatever reason, this image from...aw, you guessed it: Saw VI, looks a lot like a vacation just now...

Like me, Ms. Bell sees beyond mere sex appeal.

Kristen Bell wants to hate Megan Fox — but she can’t!




The Couples Retreat actress says she’d probably end up being friends with the “witty and smart” Transformers star.