Jack Abramoff clears his throat, entire Republican party freezes in horror

Indicted Washington Uber-lobbyist Jack Abramoff. The man who paid the fella from the once-respected Cato Institute to write articles favorable to his clients. A man who has funneled money all over Congress, but mainly to Republicans. A close ally of Tom Delay.

A man who, so to speak, knows where all the bodies are buried. That man. A man who is getting ready to sing like Mariah Carey after a drinking spree:

WASHINGTON, Dec. 20 - Jack Abramoff, the Republican lobbyist under criminal investigation, has been discussing with prosecutors a deal that would grant him a reduced sentence in exchange for testimony against former political and business associates, people with detailed knowledge of the case say.

Mr. Abramoff is believed to have extensive knowledge of what prosecutors suspect is a wider pattern of corruption among lawmakers and Congressional staff members. One participant in the case who insisted on anonymity because of the sensitivity of the negotiations described him as a "unique resource."

I swear, this is making me feel almost like Beavis. Heh heh. Heh heh. Huh. Heh heh. Heh heh...

ETA: Speaking of Tom DeLay, the AP has a report on the lush life he's been leading...and just who's been paying the bill.

Public documents reviewed by The Associated Press tell the story: at least 48 visits to golf clubs and resorts with lush fairways; 100 flights aboard company planes; 200 stays at hotels, many world-class; and 500 meals at restaurants, some averaging nearly $200 for a dinner for two.

Instead of his personal expense, the meals and trips for DeLay and his associates were paid with donations collected by the campaign committees, political action committees and children's charity the Texas Republican created during his rise to the top of Congress.

That ought to play well this holiday season, don't you think?