A short rant.

You know what I don't like? Writing samples. Specifically, preparing writing samples of my work to send to potential publishers and, in the past, theater companies. I'm trying to prepare two or three packages to send out tomorrow and one of the publishers I intend to try accepts email queries or, by regular mail, 10-page writing samples.

The task of picking 10 pages out of my work that represents what it is and what I can do, is a daunting one. There are scenes and chapters that I like but to place them out of context anguishes me.

I think (fingers crossed) that a lot of whatever effect My Girlfriend's Boyfriend has depends on its build. Some strong scenes I'm afraid won't have nearly as much effect if you haven't just spent the last x number of pages getting to know the characters and situations.

So you might well ask, as I have myself, why don't I just forgo the writing sample and take the emailed query option? That way I give them the premise of what my story is about, and they-we live in hope-tell me if they think it sounds like something they'd like to read. If yes, I send them the entire manuscript.

Well, that's fine, except that I actually do think the characterizations and dialogue are the best things in it, and that is perhaps best represented by a writing sample. So you see the hell that I am in this afternoon.

Should I-
If so, then what-
Or what about-
Yeah, but then-

Argh!

In a perfect world, of course, all publishers would be able to read entire manuscripts at all times. I understand that there are practical reasons why that's not possible. Nevertheless...

Argh!

ETA: Never mind. I fixed it.

John McCain: Earning respect left and right.

Well, right.

Whoo!

Veronica Mars has gotten a "full" season order. The ironic quotation marks because the CW has for inexplicable reasons chosen to order seven more episodes rather than the traditional nine.

This means that added to the initial tentative 13-episode order this year, Veronica will have a short, 20 episode third season, unless the CW decides to pony up for the last two at a later date. Still, this is good news, and kvetching too much about it feels like looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Studio 60, Friday Night Lights, now Veronica Mars. It's a suspiciously good year for shows I like. Come on, ABC, make if a fab four with The Nine. The premiere of Daybreak, the second half of which was in its timeslot, was even more disappointing in the ratings than The Nine, admittedly, has been. And it didn't get The Nine's reviews.

Even weirder than shows I like getting full season orders, this year there's some kind of Lewis Carroll thing going on where the networks are showing more patience than the critics. I just did a little search of the TV weeklies and such online.

A couple of them are already giving up on new shows after only a few episodes because "they're not dotting the i's and crossing the t's." But then, the TV critics are required by their jobs to watch shows like Dancing with the flippin' Stars. To say nothing of the OJ Simpson Fox special that no one should watch on peril of their mortal soul.

I, having fewer hours of my TV-watching time spoken for, can afford to give shows time to grow. What's weird is that the networks seem to be doing that too.

I''ll never, ever live this down as long as I live.

You scored as The Pretty-Boi Dyke. You can be a bit cocky at times and ever the heartbreaker, but no one knows that you're really just looking for true love. The Pretty-Boi Dyke 55% The Bohemian Dyke 40% The Student Dyke 30% The Stud 25% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 25% The Femme Fatale 25% The Granola Dyke 20% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 10% The Surprise! Dyke 10% The Little-Boy Dyke 5% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 5% The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 5% The Hipster Dyke 0% What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

No, I wouldn't say it was phallic

Source.

Where the right went wrong

One man's opinion from The Seattle Times, but it's an opinion I share.

The turning point, I believe, was a more emotional issue, that of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman who brought Bush and his brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, to the barricades in 2005 to back legislation keeping her on life-support over the protests of her harassed husband. Autopsies showed the woman's brain was in a "vegetative state," and the cynical appeal to religious conservatives turned off huge numbers of voters. Polling at the time showed most Americans, of both parties, rejected the Bushes' campaign to "save" Schiavo, and were disgusted at the raw partisan appeal in a tragic case

If I could hold the future in my open hand

Source

I don't know what it is about those weird blogs written in a language I don't understand but with many cool pictures

...but here's another one.

Short TV ratings news

Via Marc Berman.

My luck.

Friday Night Lights, a show I liked at first but has been losing more and more of my attention each week, has been picked up for a full season.

Meanwhile, Veronica Mars, a show I was tentative about early this year due to having been disappointed in the second season, has been giving me one "wow" episode after another.

And, after gaining some ratings points while House was on hiatus, now that it's back Veronica has slipped back into the "losers" pile in the ratings.

Irony is, I believe Veronica and House shouldn't be in competition with one another. I believe most people who like one, like me, would like the other. In a perfect world I'd like to see Veronica at eight and House at nine, maybe even on the same network.

But as I'm reminded daily, it's not a perfect world.

PS: And just to add insult to injury, more people would still rather watch The Unremarkable Adventures of the Stupid Whore & Her Daughter (formerly Gilmore Girls) than Veronica.

Did Rob Thomas desecrate a shrine in his youth or something?

That's what I like about Fox Broadcasting (re-linked)

Sometimes they air great shows like House, Bones and 24. And then sometimes they air shows where you just know, with absolute moral certainty, that every single person involved is going to hell.

Everyone. Either behind or in front of the cameras; including anybody hateful enough to watch it .

Shows like Temptation Island.

Or this.

If you did it, turn yourself in, you evil, arrogant fuck.

And to you Studio 60 viewers out there: Is it just me, or is the idea of a network president with honor starting to seem like even more of a wish-fufilment dream than Martin Sheen's President Bartlet?

Bloody hell.

You scored as Dante Alighieri. According to you most of humanity will spend at least some of their afterlife in hell. You have a high likelihood of being exiled, but anyone as bloody fucking romantic as you deserves what they get. You have an exceptional moral code, overshadowed by the fact that you yourself cannot uphold it.

Your existence bears a definite irony, although of fairly Christian morality, many pagans, satanists, communists, and intellectuals admire you and your works for all the wrong reasons.

Also, the brighest star in your sky is never going to be your lover...

It takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell.

Dante Alighieri		67%
Miyamoto Musashi		50%
C.G. Jung		50%
Friedrich Nietzsche		50%
Adolf Hitler		42%
Charles Manson		42%
Sigmund Freud		42%
Jesus Christ		33%
Steven Morrissey		33%
Elvis Presley		25%
Mother Teresa		25%
Stephen Hawking		8%
Hugh Hefner		0%
O.J. Simpson		0%

What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com
I suppose I should be pleased that there's a little Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawking in me and apparently I'm nothing like O.J. Simpson...

I never thought I'd say this, but he's actually keeping his eye on the ball

Justin Timberlake was spotted over the weekend at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood. While picking up his black BMW from the valet, a photog asked the pop star, "Do you have anything to say about the recent divorce of Britney and Kevin?"

JT shot back, "Yeah, there's a war going on in Iraq."

For what it's worth...

...I agree with virtually every word of this Michael Kinsley essay from Time. It's about how maybe, just maybe, the people whose half-brained idea the war in Iraq was ought to have to pay a little penance.

More than just saying "Whoops. My bad."

I wish I were creative

Good article here on Jimmy Stewart, arguing that his performances had a darker edge to them than we tend to remember.

On an only semi-related note, I caught the Michael J. Fox episode of "Inside the Actors Studio" a few weeks back. Fox came off as pretty smart, as he usually does. But James Lipton hit new depths of arrogant, oily idocy.

Speaking of "Back To The Future," he asserted that it was a film in the tradition of "It's A Wonderful Life" and "The Wizard Of Oz." In which the initially-dissatisfied protaganist learns how good they have it at home by seeing what it would be like without it. About learning to accept how good things are rather than wishing for change or travel.

Well, that's patently not what "Back To The Future" is about. "Back To The Future" is about a guy who goes back in time and changes his parents so that they're cooler when he's a teenager. Does that sound like realizing and accepting how good things are to you?

Glad I got that off my chest.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_6842: The Return Of Chris The Duck edition

"Men...going after little breadcrumbs is war...god help me, I do love it so."

Source



If only you could just go buy it in a store.

Source

That's the most creepy-ass thing I've ever seen in my life. Like Death decided to ditch the Grim Reaper drag and go for something with a bit more plumage.

Source

This almost, but not quite, justifies the entire existence of anime

Note: Despite the credit, the radio sketch is not By Dr. Demento, it's by the Frantics, a Canadian comedy troupe.

Easiest Joke In The World alert

Michael Jackson is planning a comeback performance at the World Music Awards in London this week. He plans on recreating the graveyard scene from his '80s video "Thriller."

--TMZ.com

Ladies and gentlemen, the above is a setup for the Easiest Joke In The World. I want to see your nominiations for a punchline in the comments thread below.

Poetry Corner

All that I have is
Silence and the world outside
And a place to hide

--Anon.

I always liked this song

R.I.P Gerald Levert 1966-2006.

Consider, if you will, this great big question...(UPDATED)

Update: As referenced semi-obliquely in my post below, when George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004 by a sliver of a margin, many Bushy republicans started bleating about how he had "a mandate."

Well, now that the silver shoe is on the other foot, it seems the definition of just what constitutes a mandate has changed, for some. Glenn Greenwald has the story. Hands up, anybody who's surprised.

Original post: How do you spell "relief?" Tom Tomorrow spells it this way, looking at this (newly) modern world...

It’s as if the biopsy results just came back and you don’t have cancer after all. You’re not giddy, exactly, but you can finally take a deep breath and maybe let some of the tension drain out of your shoulders. The future remains uncertain but you can begin to imagine it as something other than relentlessly bleak. As a general rule, I don’t have much faith in Democrats, having not fallen off any turnip trucks within recent memory, but I also think that we’re suddenly in an entirely new ball game. At the very least, I believe they will serve as a necessary bulwark against whatever residual craziness the Bushies may be harboring. They won’t be rubber stamping any plans to invade Iran this time around. And maybe they’ll even step up to the plate and hit one out of the park. They’re newly emboldened, and this is their moment.

It’s time to have grownup conversations now. It goes without saying that the Democrats will disappoint us, one way or another. So what? The test results came back, and it’s not terminal. We got a little breathing room, and isn’t that all you can really ever hope for in life?

ETA: You know what Mr. Tomorrow was saying about not having much faith in Democrats and it going without saying they would disappoint us? That was fast. Via Digby at Hullabaloo:

Some big name Democrats want to oust DNC Chairman Howard Dean, arguing that his stubborn commitment to the 50-state strategy and his stinginess with funds for House races cost the Democrats several pickup opportunities.

Yes, you read that right. With Dean as their chairman, the Democrats have just taken over the house and, defying conventional wisdom, the senate. He has helped lead them to victory. They won. I'm going to say that again. They won. It's being called a stunning blowout of a surprise. They have been unambiguously endorsed by America, they have what some might even call a mandate.

Well, clearly, Dean has to go.

You know how you can tell which one is the Democrat in the whorehouse? He's the one spread eagled on the floor, trying to say around the ball gag he stuffed in his own mouth, "Hit me again! Harder! Harder!"

Why yes, yes it is

Another one from the tree of thoughts, as always worth a good look.

CEL-e-brate good times, come on!

First, this post says the rumors regarding "Studio 60's" death are greatly exaggerated, with some quotes from producer/writer/my own personal Jesus, Aaron Sorkin:

Sorkin insisted that due to the last two weeks of ratings results "we're starting to feel optimistic around here" and reminds us that "The West Wing" also wasn't a hit in its first season. That didn't come until season two.

"But I'm much more comfortable with this feeling (of struggle)," Sorkin said. "It feels like it did when I did 'Sports Night.' 'West Wing' felt strange to me. This feels normal."

Then it gets confirmed by Yahoo! News:

"Studio 60" picked up for season.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Wednesday Morning Stepping Down, or Where is the ambiguity? It's over there, in a box.

Here's my favorite (so far)post-election blog posts...

Mahablog started watching last night, and notes that it looks like the Green Party candidate may have been what turned Democrats easily winning Virginia into the nail-biter it was last time I checked. A full takeover of the house AND SENATE, which none of the CW was excpecting, is actually within our grasp.

At 2:30 this morning, Shakespeare's Sister posted an election night wrap up in which she expressed a feeling I've got which may explain why I can't quite turn on the colored lights. I'm familiar with the Democrats work.

Shakes said,

As for the victorious Dems, I’ve got only five little words: Congratulations. Don’t let us down.

Tom points out:

A lot of us were concerned that a Democratic win would be downplayed or redefined as defeat; based on last night's (CNN & MSNBC) coverage, that didn't happen. "Stunning" and "blowout" were words I heard more than once over the course of the evening.

I noticed that too, this morning. On CNN a guy was saying he was "surprised." Oh, really. I mean, I know they live in a bubble, but I'm constantly amazed...

Tom further goes on to say

...it wasn't about the Foley scandal. We know that because Reynolds, Shimkus, Boehner, and Hastert--the people most involved, apart from Foley himself--all won re-election. This election can't be dismissed as distorted by a single scandal; this was clearly a referendum on the Republican party as a whole.

The Smart Patrol has some smart-as you would expect-suggestions for Democrats, including:

Keep your goddamn noses clean.

Grow a pair.

No, really, keep your goddamn noses clean.

The time for Republican Lite is over. You wanted to appear centrist so you could get voted in? Fine. You're voted in. Now stop with this "no amnesty" shit, get on board with stem cell research, get your voters some goddamned health care, and stop with this "well, I'm for civil unions" bullshit.

There. Lecture over. Congratulations, and don't let us down.

Are you detecting a theme?

Over at Wings For Wheels, it's (finally) morning in America again.

...there is no ambiguity about the messages that were sent throughout the House Of Representatives, the state legislatures and capitols. An unqualified rejection of everything the Bush Administration has done to the country over the last six years. What strikes me most about looking at the maps is that the Democrats did not lose any seats. Unfortunately, that meant that some good, moderate Republicans had to go, but it also showed moderation in your speeches means nothing when you vote the party line on most issues.

And in news completely unrelated to the vote yesterday, the vile Rumsfeld is stepping down.

And finally, everything at Unclaimed Territory is, as usual, worth reading. But if you're only going to read one, make it this one:

One of the most important things our country needs is a bright light to be shined on what this Government has done, and if the Bush administration really wants to resist those inquiries and claim the right not just to be above the law, but also immune from scrutiny, all the better.

As effectively as anything, that resistance will highlight exactly what they are. And the ensuing fight -- framed as the President's claimed entitlement to continue to operate in complete secrecy, with no limits or checks, just as he did for five years with a rubber-stamping Republican Congress -- is exactly the one that Democrats should aggressively seek out and engage.

I hope these are good signs. I hope they're good signs for all of us.

Yet more bad and good TV ratings news

Yesterday’s Losers (excluding repeats):
Friday Night Lights (NBC), Standoff (Fox), Veronica Mars (CW)

NBC’s struggling Friday Night Lights (4.1/ 6),... and the CW’s diluted Gilmore Girls (3.7/ 5). Comparably, Gilmore Girls on the WB on the year-ago evening was considerably more potent at a 5.3/ 8 (on Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2005).

Speaking of schadenfreude...actually, it occurs to me that there's something quite fitting in the dilution both rating and (as far as I can see) creatively of Gilmore Girls this season. The series has lost it's controlling intelligences and its lead character has lost her mind.

On the other hand, a show that I'm tentatively prepared to say is resurging creatively, Veronica Mars, is still wavering in the ratings. But there may be good news for fans, if the usually-trustworthy Marc Berman is correct:

...the CW’s still struggling Veronica Mars (2.0/ 3). To the fans wondering if the CW will give Veronica Mars a back-nine episode order, my guess is yes given the lack of upcoming new midseason programming options.

Oh, and some other things happened last night and this morning, but I'm sure I'll get to them shortly. Let's concentrate on what's really important.

Open, bare-faced Schadenfreude

Channel Island:

"30 Rock," at least in its current incarnation, has been resoundingly rejected by the audience on Wednesdays, and it's not simply ready to be pitched into the fire opposite ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" and CBS' "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation."

Consider that this week, writer-performer Tina Fey's send-up of a workplace resembling her alma mater at "Saturday Night Live" sank to its lowest rating yet in the key demo, with an awful 1.7 rating/5 share in the adults aged 18-49 demographic (4.6 million total viewers), according to figures from Nielsen Media Research. And the news for "30 Rock" is only getting worse, with the show registering demo declines in each of its four airings so far. This week's result was down 41% among young adults compared with the premiere.

Emphasis not, I repeat, not mine.

To put it in perspective, that means it's doing worse than "Veronica Mars." On the CW.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bring...

Also in the Nov. 16 issue of Rolling Stone (it's just a treasure trove) is a review of Gwen Stefani's newest downloadable track, dubbing it a "must have" because

It samples "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound of Music, complete with a yodeled intro, which sounds like something Prince Paul might have dreamt up ten years ago.

Au, contraire! As in all things, the answer is in the '80s, specifically in a certain little five-million-copy-selling European charttopper...

Just when you think Bill O'Reilly could not possibly be a bigger ass

Now, if you've been reading this blog for almost any time at all, you probably know I think Bill O'Reilly is a pretty big ass, and a liar besides. Hell, if you've been reading this blog for any time at all you probably agree.

But, I know what you're saying. You're saying, if only he'd publicly called for the physical abuse of women.

Well, guess what.

In the new Rolling Stone, there is a short piece on the aforementioned new Dixie Chicks documentary.

...in an astonishing clip from his Fox News show, Bill O'Reilly calls the band "callow, foolish women who deserve to be slapped around."

PS: The new RS also contains the full version of that Colbert/Stewart interview I excerpted a few days ago. Colbert makes my day by referencing one of my favorite Peter Cook quotes. The one about how in gaguing the effect of satire you have only to look to Berlin in the '20's and '30s. Which did so much to prevent the rise of Hitler.

For those of you who care

NBC continues to stand behind Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" in the wake of continuing speculation that disappointing ratings threaten to knock one of its flagship new fall shows off the air.

The latest round of rumors followed a weekend report from a Fox News Web site that said the highly promoted and expensive series faced "imminent" cancellation.

Not true, say NBC officials, who ordered three more scripts for the series last week and are expected to decide soon whether to produce more episodes for the spring.

"I'm sitting here right now with some very good television shows that I think have a lot of promise that need to be nurtured a little bit," said NBC Entertainment President Kevin Reilly in reference to "Studio 60," "30 Rock" and "Friday Night Lights." "I'm pulling for these shows."

I hope Kevin Reilly means what he says above. Seems to me I remember thinking he came off well in Bill Carter's last book. Speaking of books, I reread Grant Tinker's book recently. He was the chairman of NBC in the early-to-mid '80s who bought shows like The Cosby Show, St. Elsewhere, and Cheers.

These and others became profitable Emmy-winners for NBC that decade. And he supported those, like the latter two, that didn't produce the hoped-for ratings right out of the gate. Here's hoping Reilly's taking his cue for patience from him.

Although, last night's episode of Studio 60 had me questioning my own commitment to the show-I thought it ran out of air about halfway through. And procceded to slide downwards into a near-unintentional-satire of bad TV (the kind where they tell you everything three times).

But one bad episode does not mean I'm giving up. And it might not even have been a bad episode. It occured to me last night that maybe I'm preparing for the anticipated "pain" of a cancellation by finding fault.

"See! Maybe it really wasn't that good, after all."

PS: Although, Kevin, if you have to give one the chop, I don't think anyone's really going to miss 30 Rock...

Two more comments on tomorrow

From the closing to George Carlin's comedy special "Back In Town" (slightly edited):

"Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents, and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, American universities, and they're elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do, folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.

...Because if it's really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in to save the nation and lead the way? We don't have people like that in this country. Everybody's at the mall scratchin' his ass, pickin' his nose, takin' his credit card out of his fanny pack and buying a pair of sneakers with lights on them.

...So I know...you're going to have one of those swell elections that you like so much. You'll enjoy yourselves, it'll be a lot of fun. I'm sure as soon as the election is over your country will improve immediately.

PS for the Doctor Who fans among you: Try to imagine the above video as Simon Lebon's audition tape to replace Colin Baker. I'm serious. Look at the way he's dressed, and count how many images in the video seem reminisent of Doctor Who in the '80s.

And you know what, he would have been great. You can't tell me he wouldn't have been at least as good or better than Sylvester McCoy in his first couple of stories. And Nick Rhodes is auditioning for the part of, apparently, a Tharil.

To coin a phrase, the clothes have no emperor

Mahablog has a good roundup of commentary on George Bush and tomorrow's election.

Two responses to last night's Orson Welles parody on The Simpsons

If you missed the segment, it's above. BTW, that's the very funny voice performer Maurice LaMarche doing his Welles impression. Which sounds nothing at all like his voice for The Brain (of Pinky & the...).

But it's the end I want to talk about. As you saw, it was a jab at the republican party. I had two responses. The first was as someone who likes to flatter himself he's a pretty astute judge of TV comedy.

In that sense, I thought it was heavyhanded, not well or clearly led up to and, you should pardon the expression, out of left field. It suffered, as so much of The Simpsons has for me in the past five years, from "lets say" syndrome.

That's where you get a sense not of a story being told but a room full of jaded, creatively bankrupt and exhausted writers saying "let's say...", anything to get out of the corners into which they've painted themselves.

In this case "let's say...we take a jab at the republicans!"

However, my other response was as someone who's a Democrat (tho sometimes just barely thanks to their jelly-like consistencies). In that sense, I thought: If these ideas stick in enough people's heads for a few more days...

...it will almost be worth how random and tacked on it seems.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_4884

That's the most disturbing picture I've ever seen in my whole entire life.

Credit.



I stand corrected.

Credit.



Side note to Tom: See, this is how you make Seattle look good. Speeding by.

Credit.


As the seas opened and swallowed the moon, Christopher began to suspect that perhaps he had been too quick to accept that deal on his internet and phone service.

Credit.


Part of the "put the children to work early" farms we can expect if the Republicans retain control of the senate.

(That's my political humor...people like it when you're topical)

Credit.



I stand corrected, again. What we have here is a rare photograph of Michael Myers as a baby. Note the lovely young babysitter in the background and try not to think about what happened after it was taken.

Credit.


To tell you the truth, this was going to be the third and last "I stand corrected" caption 'till I saw Tiger Lillie there standing to the left of Strawberry and Sir Mix-a-Lot. She really takes the edge off.

Credit.

Final, absolute clinching proof that I am ahead of the state of Tennessee

...by almost five months. One or two of you may remember when I posted about Bob Corker, Republican of Tennessee, who is either a cynical opportunist or a homophobe (as I said then, if you support a Constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex marriage, there just ain't a third choice.)

The "punchline" of the post was a photo from his daughter's "Facebook" page that was bouncing around the blogs at the time, in which she's seen kissing another girl. Well, guess what--just--made the commercial news in Tennessee?

Now, I know there's another way of looking at this than as evidence of Tennessee's essential back-asswardness in comparison to those of us here in the jet set. I know you could say it just goes to show how ahead of the pack the bloggers are.

Including but certainly not limited to myself and myself, hardly even most prominently. But c'mon, man...it's Tennessee. You'll have to forgive me if I choose to go along with the first option.

Cutting up with captions

Wrapping up the campaign...


Say what you will about ole' Rick "man on dog" Santorum, his wife is sexy. Kinda makes you wonder just what he's harboring if he's so terrified that gays will wreck his marriage, but...



"I'm a little rabbit! Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!"

Pics via BagnewsNotes.

San Francisco Values, defined

And quite usefully, I might add.

The burden of responsibility is a heavy one indeed

Apparently I have to go and vote this Tuesday...do you?

"Do not touch Willy.' Good advice!"

IGN has a list of their picks for the 10 best segments of the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episodes-which as they point out, haven't aired on or before Halloween in about seven years. Good list, but I think I'd replace Starship Poopers, If I Only Had A Brain and Citizen Kang with Homer^3, Nightmare On Evergreen Terrace (both ToH VI), Nightmare Cafeteria (V) or Night of the Dolphin (XI).

Just middling through*

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

*I'm awfully sorry. Terrible joke. I do beg your pardon.

"I have no problem making things up, because I have no credibility to lose."

Rolling Stone is publishing a joint interview with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert that they're excerpting on their web site, and I in turn am excerpting their excerpts here. It's all part of the food chain.

Ben Karlin, Stewart's thirty-five-year-old production partner who oversees both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, says that "the biggest mistake people make is thinking that Jon and Stephen sit down before every show and say, 'OK, how are we going to change the world?' or any bullshit like that. They both really just want to get a laugh." Though the shows clearly have a liberal bent, Stewart claims that they are emotional but apolitical. He does not, however, hide his disdain for the media. At a New York Times lunch, when Stewart was asked how his show did such a good job digging up clips catching the president and other officials contradicting themselves, the comedian shot back, "A clerk and a video machine." A recent Indiana University study found that The Daily Show was just as substantive as network television news during the 2004 election. I'm not surprised that young people who watch it are well- informed. I read about ten newspapers a day and three newsmagazines a week, and I have my TV tuned to cable news all day, and I still find myself taking notes from The Daily Show.

A fake news show, "The Daily Show," spawned a fake commentator, Colbert, who makes his own fake reality defending the fake reality of a real president, and has government officials on who know the joke but are still willing to be mocked by someone fake. Your shows are like mirrors within mirrors, using a cycle of fakery to get to the truth. You've tapped into a sense in society that nothing, from reality shows to Bushworld, is real anymore. Do you guys ever get confused by your hall of mirrors?

STEWART: I didn't know we were going to have to be high to do this interview.

My head hurts sometimes watching "The Colbert Report."

COLBERT: Then we've succeeded. We want people to be in pain and confused. I make up facts left and right. Liberals will come on the show and say, "Well, conservatives want this to be a theocracy." And I'll say, "Well, why not, the Founding Fathers were all fundamentalist Christians." And they'll say, "No, they weren't." I say, "Yes, they were. And, ladies and gentlemen, if I'm wrong I will eat your encyclopedias." And the person folds, 'cause they don't realize I have no problem making things up, because I have no credibility to lose.

But wouldn't, say, a President Obama be harder to make fun of than [the Bush administration]?

STEWART: Are you kidding?

COLBERT and STEWART in unison: His dad was a goat-herder!

COLBERT: Ashcroft is a douche bag.

STEWART: I think Novak is a douche bag.

COLBERT: I'm sorry. I apologize. It's Robert Novak who's a douche bag. That's just fact. I think it's his confirmation name.

This is a recording.

The Nine remains a "clinker" in the ratings. All right, America, I'm losing my patience with you. It's bad enough that most of you are stupid, credulous fools who supported our idiot-child president's war.

Rather than listen to any of the many people who told you it was wrong, because it hurt your feelings that they were smarter than you.

But now, to add insult to injury, you're letting The Nine fall flat with a sickening thud while making Dancing With the flippin' Stars a ratings blockbuster. Add to that the fact that you've got Studio 60 on life-support and making ratings the one case Veronica Mars can't solve.

It's almost as if you heard that some big-shot television producers were going around trying to prove that Americans actually can tell Jackson Pollock from pigeon-shit. And decided to say Oh, really?

As this fella Jonathan Storm writes:

Don't come complaining to me that TV has devolved into nothing more than stupid reality shows.

You're making your bed, you can sleep in it.

In these enlightened days of course...

...no one believes a word of it.

According to three out of four online quizzes, if I...

...were a character from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, I would be...

According to the fourth I would be Slartibardfast, so you see why I felt the need to seek a second, third and fourth opinion.

Thank God for Halloween

Otherwise, Lindsay Lohan would have no excuse to dress like your average 14-year-old girl at The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And what would Paris Hilton's motivation be for taking a few naughty fashion risks?

Okay, the "Kerry's botched joke" thing

Reading the transcript, all I can think is...it's a botched joke. And I promise you, whoever gave it to the senator was watching with his-or-her head in their hands. As Mark writes:

Yeah, he should have known better than to phrase his "joke" the way he did. Given the political climate, anyone in public life — Democrat, Republican, sane person — has to expect that his foes will twist statements into balloon animals to make them into something else, something they can use. In fact, one of the better arguments I've heard against John Kerry as President of These United States is that he lacks the p.r. skills necessary to get and do the job.

Then again, if Awkward Phrasing were a crime, George W. Bush would be getting the death sentence just before Election Day instead of Saddam.

Mark thinks we should give guys like Kerry and Bush a little more slack. I'm not prepared to give up yet on the idea that there might somewhere out there be someone who can both do and talk about the job. No doubt this is a result of watching too much West Wing, and I'm sure it'll pass.

But lord knows, that someone is not Kerry. I'm on Blue Gal's side with this one. If Kerry really wanted to help his party and his country, he'd join a monastery that requires at least a two-year vow of silence (and if he really wanted to play it safe, three-year).

Think I'm just kidding? Shakespeare's Sister has a transcript of Kerry's press conference in response to the entirely-predictable-and-should-have-been-anticipated "pouncing" of his one-time opponent's team.

I swear, before the first paragraph was over, I had decided to vote Republican. I can't stand listening to George W. Bush speak either, but at least he doen't go breaking my heart.

Uh-oh.

Looks as though, up against the return of "House" from hiatus, "Veronica Mars" lost the build in the ratings it's been getting over the past couple of weeks. It doesn't appear to have helped that "Gilmore Girls" ("Veronica's" lead-in) was a repeat, too.

As should come as a surprise to no one, the ironic thing is that I like "House" too-but I watched "Veronica" while I was taping it. This may not mean much to you, but for me it was a technological triumph on par with being able to build cybernetic organisms. With one red, glowing eye bouncing back-and-forth like a ping pong ball.

Perhaps even more ironic (and less surprising) "Veronica's" return to losing in the ratings came with an episode that I felt was one of "Veronica's" two strongest this year.

Darn it, I wish it would make up its mind. If "Veronica" is going to be good, I want to see it renewed for a whole season. If it's going to suck, I want to see it cancelled quickly to put us both out of our misery.

At least when "Huff" began its downward slide, there was no turning back...

Something really scary for Halloween

It looks as though Studio 60 is definitely coughing up blood. Whether or not Friday Night Lights is likely to follow seems to depend on what you read.

Now, I'm prepared to be philisophical should S60 in fact be cancelled. As I found myself reminding Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans a few years ago, even the best television show is, in the end, just a television show. Let's not do this like it was a member of the family who died.

(Although frankly, I'll have more right to complain than those whiny brats who said seven years of Buffy and five of Angel wasn't "a fair chance")

However. If Studio 60 goes, and 30 Rock makes it because of its new favored time slot, that's gonna piss me off.

Even if Friday Night Lights, which I like (although it's dimming every week), is saved it might aggravte me. Because it's getting lower ratings than Studio 60, but it might be seen as more "patriotic" being as it's about "how real Americans enjoy themselves" and not them Hollywood liberals.

Yes, that will aggravate me no end.

A little something for Halloween...

As you may know, there are a lot of horror movies, and tributes to horror movies, bouncing around the cable networks these days. I wanted to do something similar. But, as you must know if you've been reading this blog more than a week, what I really like to post are videos by '80s/new wave/alternative rock bands.

Songs that some less enlightened souls might find cheesy, but I simply and rightly find cool. So...what to do, what to do?

I know.



Trivia: That song was actually featured in one of the movies "clipped" above. If you notice the scene with the little punk chick doing the robot-popping dance, that's what she was dancing to. Unfortunately (or not...), she gets killed shortly therafter.

Oh, and the song's by Pseudo Echo.

It's like a blast of happy up my ass!

(As always, click to enlarge)

Or, if you look over to the right there, you'll see I've added a permanent link to the page for Sinfest, my favorite webcomic. Regular viewing is strongly suggested.

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_0336: Awwwwwwww edition

Yes? What? Can I help you?

Original photo credit.



I can't believe you're wearing the same dress as me, you cow.

Original photo credit.


"My superhearing is picking up a robbery! Somewhere in the sprawling Metropolis, another job for the incredible..."

When dogs have rich fantasy lives.

Original photo credit.

This is insane.

TMZ has put together a photo gallery of those celebs they feel to have the most "ripped" bodies. Men and women alike, for you ladies and any gay men who may be looking in. Among them, Christina Ricci, about whom they say

Christina Ricci has the body every woman would kill for.

Um, no. Or at least, I hope it's not the body every woman would kill for. I know it's not the body every man would kill for, because I'm a man, and I wouldn't kill for this body. I might have 10 years ago (give or take), before Ms. Ricci had the "baby fat" beaten off her by a business that thinks Kate Winslet is somehow too heavy.

There goes the last lingering threat of my ever watching the new Battlestar Galactica

As mentioned in the past, I have yet to get into the new, improved (?) Battlestar Galactica, athough many sources and people I trust are fans. The reason I'm not is partly because every time I've tried an episode, the dialogue seems ennobled by the word "functional." And the whole thing has an air of such self-importance, like: This is serious science fiction.

Ooh!

But more importantly, and really, I can't stress this enough: Those are not Cylons. Cylons have one glowing eye bouncing back and forth on the middle of their forehead like a ping-pong ball. That's right, I'm old school, goddamnit.

But still, as I say, enough people I respect enjoy the show that I was prepared to say that just because I don't, it didn't mean there was anything wrong with it.

That was before I learned that it had been absolutely embraced by righties like Jonah Goldberg and John Podhoretz. A writer for American Prospect, Brad Reed, documents a number of examples of those on the right taking ficticious circumstances as justification for the real moves our government makes.

Everything from Star Wars to Star Trek to The Lord of the Rings is seen as reinforcement that what they think is absolutely correct which seems to me, at best, an interesting interpretation.

Of course, Roddenberry and Tolkien are dead so we can't ask them, but Tolkein is known to have disliked too much interpretation of his work. Roddenberry at least mouthed peace-and-love platitudes. And much as I may criticize most of Lucas' recent work as insults to the intelligence, I think Lucas might have a slightly different point of view of the lessons of Star Wars than

Jonathan Last, the Weekly Standard editor whose review of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones was a love letter to imperialism. “The deep lesson of Stars Wars is that empire is good,” wrote Last, who justified his Empireophelia by arguing that the old Galactic Republic had become “simply too big to be governable,” and that the galaxy needed an empire to fill the void. Last acknowledged that the Empire was “sometimes brutal” but that acts of planeocide weren’t so bad “when viewed in context.” Last also showered praise upon Emperor Palpatine, whom he dubbed “an esoteric Straussian” and “a dictator ... but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet.”

A relatively benign one like Pinochet. I'll just wait here if any of you need to Google that name. Now, back to our story.

Strangely, Reed doesn't mention 24, which of course, is considered by its co-creator to be a rationalization for torture. So Republicans can enjoy it without fear, knowing that what they're getting out of it is exactly what they're intended to get out of it.

Unlike Battlestar Galactica, which they loved...

National Review’s Jonah Goldberg, who writes regularly about Galactica’s politics on NRO’s group blog, The Corner, also picked up on parallels between the show and the war on terror. Goldberg took particular glee in attacking Galactica’s anti-war movement, which he said consisted of “radical peaceniks” and “peace-terrorists” who “are clearly a collection of whack jobs, fifth columnists and idiots.” Goldberg also praised several characters for trying to rig a presidential election. “I liked that the good guys wanted to steal the election and, it turns out, they were right to want to,” wrote Goldberg.

...until (I am informed) events in the current season stopped looking like George Bush's war as they desperately want it to be, and more like it factually is.

“The whole suicide bombing thing … made comparisons to Iraq incredibly ham-fisted,” wrote a frustrated Goldberg, who had hoped the struggle against the Cylons would look more like Le Resistance than the Iraqi insurgency. “The French resistance vibe … is part of what makes the Iraq comparison so offensive. It’s a one-step remove from comparing the Iraqi insurgency to the (romanticized) French resistance.”

Fellow Corner writer John Podheretz shared Goldberg’s assessment, and chided conservative fans of the show who were still in denial about its sudden leftward drift. “Message to BSG fans on the Right,” wrote Podheretz sternly. “You cannot … come up with some cockamamie explanation whereby it’s not about how we Americans are the Cylons and the humans are the ‘insurgents’ fighting an ‘imperialist’ power.”

Goldberg is a poster child for the armchair warriors, those who are very gung-ho about coming up with reasons why other people should fight., and as Reed concludes,

Of course, it’s easy to talk tough about invading multiple nations if you’re not the one doing any of the work. The thrill the Galacticons get from watching the Iraq war on their TVs is the same thrill the typical Mountain Dew-swilling reject feels watching Battlestar Galactica; it’s only fun for them because they’re not going through it themselves.

Podhoretz, I learned back when he was calling Aaron Sorkin names, is incapable of imagining any piece of drama as without a political agenda. Do the writers of Battlestar Galactica have one? I dunno.

But, I do note with interest that (assuming what's been written here about the series is correct), they seem to be mirroring public opinion about Iraq-the more people think it's a mistake, the more the Cylons take the Americans role in this "allegory."

That's right, they're out on the edge of public opinion, taking their cues from the polls.

They must be Democrats.

Okay, the "Dave Vs. Bill" thing

Bill O'Reilly was on the Letterman show on Friday, and Letterman made it very clear that he thinks O'Reilly is at best disingenuous, at worst dishonest in advocating for the war in Iraq. It was very nearly gripping, compelling television, because people like O'Reilly rarely put themselves in a position where they're actually going to be confronted with dissent. Especially when they're not in the power seat.

And people like Letterman rarely take political positions more advanced than whatever the current caricature of a political figure is in the media. Like, George W. Bush is stupid. Bill Clinton is horny...

The reason it wasn't all that charged is mainly down to the fact that Letterman kept shooting himself in the foot with jokes about how he's just a big dumb guy like O'Reilly, himself. At first it made me wish that he would read a book (or even a blog) before getting into something like this. Because in a weird way, he ended up looking like the worst kind of teenaged political protester, all passion with no information.

But now that I come to think about it, I don't believe Letterman actually is all that uninformed. I remember reading in a profile of him that he habitually listens to the BBC world news service on the radio.

(Of course, that profile was written before Letterman's son was born. It's entirely possible, and understandable if, that changed his radio listening habits).

And I don't believe you get where he has gotten by being a stupid man. So, surely he must have had better ammunition at his disposal than he chose to use, for some reason. I assume it's because his instincts as an intelligent, sensitive man were at war with those as a broadcaster and host.

You see Jon Stewart getting caught between them sometimes too. But he's generally better at making the points he wants to make, and they're usually well-informed points, while remaining a gracious host.

Mark Evanier has some observations about the segment, and a link to a video and fact check of what O'Reilly said, here.

It was old when Buffy did it, Bill

TMZ has a short interview with "Scrubs" creator/writer/producer Bill Lawrence. In the interview, he talks about an upcoming "big musical episode" of "Scrubs."

It's definitely something people haven't seen on TV unless they, well, I was going to say "on TV ever" but then I'd say unless they watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

In fact, by the time Buffy got around to doing their good-but-overrated "big musical episode," they were following in the footsteps of everything on TV from "The Drew Carey Show" to "The Simpsons" to "South Park" to even "Xena."

Full disclosure: I hate Bill Lawrence. Why? Because (in no particular order):

He's the succesful creator/writer/producer of multiple television shows.
He's worth about $12 million dollars.
He's married to the most beautiful woman on television (1995-2005), Christa Miller.
He's writing a new "Fletch" movie.

What's not to hate?

A lesser man would complain about this score

...but given what the thing is about...

You Scored 85% Correct

You are an 80s expert You never confuse New Order with the Pet Shop Boys You know which classical musician Falco rocked When it comes to 80s music, you Just Can't Get Enough!

How Much Do You Know About 80s Music?

...I take scoring right in the middle of the 80s as satisfyingly apt.

This is preposterous

There's a new theatrical documentary coming out about the Dixie Chicks. Specifically about the vicious attacks that were made on them:...and how they responded, after Natalie criticized our right-wing Commander In Chief.

As you can imagine if you know how I feel about the Chicks (they're damn-near perfect, and long may they wave), I'm rather looking forward to this. And it has a great title-Shut Up And Sing.

But it seems I'm going to have to keep my eyes peeled for its release, since the networks are refusing to accept to accept ads for it.

From Unclaimed Territory:

According to Matt Drudge (a phrase that does not roll out of one's mouth easily), both NBC and the CW Television Network (the joint venture of CBS and Warner Brothers that combines the WB and UPN Networks) are refusing to air ads promoting Shut Up & Sing on the ground that the ads are "disparaging" to our President

...which is preposterous. NBC doesn't want to disparage the President? I'll remember that tonight when I'm watching The Tonight Show or Conan O'Brien. Where, call it a hunch, I predict there will be at least one joke built on the notion that Mr. Bush is, in fact, kind of stupid.

It's preposterous, but it's important because, as Glenn writes, it fits into

a very disturbing trend whereby television networks are refusing to broadcast political advocacy material that will offend the Republican power structure in Washington.

Remember when the networks-even the nominally gay & lesbian LOGO-wouldn't run an ad by the UCC promoting their message of acceptance? Remember when CBS censored-and I do not use the word lightly-the Reagans miniseries?

Same thing. Glenn continues:

The very idea that it is in the "public interest" to prohibit ads that criticize the Leader is ludicrous on its face. The President is constantly given free airtime to argue his views and propagandize on virtually every issue, and the networks endlessly offer forums for his followers and surrogates to defend him. And the networks' argument is particularly absurd now, given that networks are awash with cash from offensive, obnoxious, and repugnant political ads of every kind.

Maybe it helps that I'm not watching Lost

In which Ben tries again to figure out why The Nine is sinking while Another Fucking CSI and Dancing With The flippin Stars are leading their timeslots.

For what it's worth, and for howeversolong as it lasts, here are a couple of clips from The Nine that I found on YouTube. Maybe they'll give you an idea of why I think a truly great show is slipping through our fingers.

The first is an extended (over six minutes) sequence from the pilot episode, showing the important scenes just before and just after the hostage crisis at the bank.



Second is a much shorter-less than two minues-scene from last week's episode in which Lizzie tells Jeremy something. The pair, played by Jessica Collins and Scott Wolf respectively, were boyfriend and girlfriend...before they went into the bank. But "a moment," which has not yet been fully made clear, seems to have changed that.

This is the scene that had me specifically praising Wolf's work last week, watch his eyes even before she tells him what she tells him. And notice Collins, who is lovely too in the scene (and hard to keep your eyes off of).



In a recent intervew, Wolf answered the question,

UGO: Do you think that following a show like Lost puts a lot of pressure on you guys?

SCOTT: I think it's sort of a mixed bag. Obviously, to have a lead in that's a really powerful show like Lost is a great thing and we were thrilled to be put there. I guess in the end, though, it really comes down to what the audience thinks. I think that both shows have an intensity about them that makes it a lot for people to have a two hour block of that level of intensity, but I'm hoping in the long run our show really speaks for itself and the audience continues to respond well to the story we're telling.

Berman suggests something similar. And maybe they're both right. I have an advantage in that I'm one of the few (apparently) who was never hooked on Lost. So when I come to turn on The Nine, I'm ready for my intense hour of television and I can give it all my attention for that hour.

Who knows how I'd feel if it were after, say, 24-which would really be weird since Kim Raver is on both shows, but I think you know what I mean. I'd like to think the buzz the show has generated would get ABC thinking new timeslot instead of cancellation, but who the hell knows.

I'd also like to think posts like this contribute at least a little bit to the buzz. The good news is, Scott, the audience that's there thinks the story you're telling is great, but...

More bad and good news from the world of TV

NBC is about to move 30 Rock to Thursdays at 9:30. I guess somebody at NBC likes it. There are two ways you get a spot on NBC Thursdays. One is, you earn it, as Scrubs, My Name Is Earl, and The Office have.

I don't actually watch any of those series regularly (though I look in on Scrubs from time to time), but it can fairly be said they've proven themselves shows people want to watch. 30 Rock, on the other hand, started with almost nobody watching and had less than that the second week.

Which brings me to the second way you get a show on Thursday nights at NBC: Somebody up there likes you, wants to appease your producer, or both. See Good Morning Miami, produced by Mutchnik & Kohan, the team who sold their soul to the devil for Will & Grace and haven't done anything funny since.

See also Veronica's Closet, produced by the team that brought you Friends. See also Joey.

This is the sort of scheduling-by-favoritism that once led NewsRadio creator Paul Simms, god bless him, to refer to NBC's Thursday-night lineup-in print, for attribution-as "A big double-decker shit sandwich."

In ratings news, according to the usually-trustworthy Marc Berman, things still look dim for Friday Night Lights and I have to say I'm minding less with each passing week. There is much that is still remarkable about the series, especially the performances and direction. And as I've said, any show that can make me care about a high school football team has to be doing something right.

But of my three favorites of "the freshman class"-The Nine, Studio 60, and Friday Night Lights-this is the one I could most stand to lose. If it doesn't make it, I'll feel like it's "just one of those things." Everyone involved will walk away with some good footage for their reel, if nothing else.

If the first two don't make it, I feel like it'll say something about how, in fact, there isn't a place for smart shows on network television these days. Which would be a real shame, especially since a big part of the soul of Studio 60 is about arguing just that point-that there is such a place. I'd really hate for that to be proved wrong.

Especially if 30 Rock succeeds not because anyone actually wants to watch it but because it has friends in the right places. (Lorne Michaels, a man whose name carries much weight in the halls of NBC, is the executive producer of 30 Rock.)

The good news is, also according to Marc Berman,

...the slowly building Veronica Mars was up by 6 percent in both total viewers and women 18-49 (1.9/ 5) from one week earlier, with retention out of Gilmore Girls of 81 percent among target adults 18-34.

Quality-wise, IMO, the show's still wavering badly, but it's still good enough for me to root for a full season renwewal. I'd love to see what the writers could do with safe ground under their feet, and not feel that they were casting about wildly for viewers.

Then again, if the first season could survive a guest shot by Paris Hilton and go on to be as good as it was, nothing's impossible.

One final note: The Nine is on tonight at 10 on ABC, y'all, right after Lost. Join me, won't you?

The Return Of The Weasel

Tucker Carlson is an awful human being.

Oh yeah...

TV ratings, via Marc Berman...

Yesterday’s Losers:
...Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)

First at 10 p.m., of course, was CBS’ rock-solid CSI: Miami at a 12.6/19 in the overnights, 17.49 million viewers and a 6.0/15 among adults 18-49. A distant second was NBC’s Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Overnights: 6.3/10; Viewers: 7.70 million; A18-49: 3.1/ 8), followed by ABC drama What About Brian (Overnights: 4.1/ 6; Viewers: 6.02 million; A18-49: 2.6/ 7). Both Studio 60 and What About Brian declined by double-digit percentages from their lead-ins, hence the loser’s listings.

Later in a "Freshman series update" he describe Studio 60 as "on the fence."

What's weird is critics still seem to want Sorkin to tie up Matt & Harriet quickly. Wheras I, as I said last week, think they make a more interesting couple than most on TV and want him to take his time, always assuming he has any.

And I really wish he'd resist the tempation to tie up some of his other plots so quickly and neatly. Last night's episode was a great example.

Matt and Simon, a black member of the cast of the show within the show, go to a comedy club to see a black comedian who has been touted to them. Simon has been chiding Matt about the lack of black writers, and thus a black eye and voice in humor, on his writing staff.

Unfortunately, the comic they are there to see turns out to be using the worst kinds of stereotpes for his jokes about the-differences between white people and black people. And getting big laughs.

It was an effective scene, well-played by Matthew Perry and D.L. Hughley.

Later over a drink, Simon talks about growing up in South Central LA and how he now wants to help people as he himself was helped to get out of there. Again, an effective scene with much promise for the future. Matt could, for example, have gone back to work and initiated a minority writer training program with the guild.

But instead, suddenly they hear another black comedian onstage who's eating it-but his material shows original thought. They go backstage and hire the man-who happens to be from South Central near where Simon grew up-immidiately.

What an unbelivable (and unnecessary)coincidence.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's that last night of all nights I wasn't in a frame of mind to see a Lana Turner story enacted right in front of me. Yes, if you're just in the right place at the right time a magic wand will touch you and give you a job in television where you can make more money in a week than your parents made in a year.

Yes, it's just that easy.

Don't fucking lie to me, Sorkin.

If you feel like a good book

...I can recommend one. Here's my latest Amazon review, of the second in a multi-volume biography of Orson Welles by actor/writer/director Simon Callow.

Reload

I discovered a few weeks ago that a couple of embedded videos I'd posted no longer work. So here they are again, just 'cos I like them. Plus something new, 'cause I know how short your attention span is.

I've never cared for Fleetwood Mac very much but I like Lindsey Buckingham a lot. I think he's the best singer-songwriter-guitarist ever to come out of my hometown of Palo Alto (and the first one who mentions Jerry Garcia gets belted right across the chops).

This song in particular I've loved ever since I saw the video on VH1 Classic. For a while I was holding out for a cool one-disc compilation of his work. Ideally to include, besides the above, the National Lampoon's Vacation soundtrack material and the incredibly powerful acoustic version of "Big Love" he did for the Fleetwood reunion tour:



But to date no such retrospectve exists. So a month ago or so I broke down and bought the Go Insane album. It's got 1984 written all over it, but as you can imagine I enjoy that.

The last clip, as I said at the time, is one of

...my favorite thing[s] that I've discovered so far via YouTube. It's basically everything you want rock n roll to be. It's kind of stupid, frankly a bit sexist, and a little childish.

I love it.

This is some sort of karma for the titty joke, isn't it.

Dear Author:

Thank you for your recent query to [Publisher].

We have reviewed your material, and unfortunately your project doesn't fit the demands of our current list.

We appreciate your interest in [Publisher] and wish you the best of success with your writing career.

Sincerely,


The [Publisher] Editorial staff.

................

I'm very close to letting go. Even closer than you know. So take what you can, take what you find. Take it all into your mind.

-OMD

I've been lookin for some time
I knew that I had to be much more

So pick yourself up, and dust yourself down...Pick yourself up and dust yourself down...

Into your mind,
Read the signs...Reload

-Junkie XL

I don't know what it is about Scarlett Johansson that makes me lose all my gentility

Ahem....

Titty!

Thank you.

Okay, damnit, a Suri Cruise post

I've mostly been ignoring this. For what it's worth, I subscribe to the theory that Katie Holmes was never really pregnant. They announced that she'd given birth in time for Cruise to have something to talk about in interviews for his last picture.

Other than So what's it's like when you realize you've made a total ass of yourself in public? But anyway, the reason it took them so long to expose the baby to said public is that they hadn't cast the part yet.

Still, as I say, mostly I feel that it is in a strange way beneath my dignity to even comment on the thing. Fortunately, it is not below the dignity of Trent and his much-loved stencil at Pink Is The New Blog.

Trent?



Thank you, Trent.

One of the all-time greats

The Washington Post has a profile of "Doonesbury"-maker Garry Trudeau. Let the clicker beware: It's kind of lengthy, but if you share my opinion above, you'll definitely want to read it. If you're not as firm in that conviction, here are a few excerpts that may help you make up your mind.

..."Doonesbury" ...survived and metamorphosed over the years into what is essentially an episodic comic novel, with so many active characters that Trudeau himself has been known to confuse them. "Doonesbury" has always remained topical, often controversial. Unapologetically liberal and almost religiously anti-establishment, Trudeau has been denounced by presidents and potentates and condemned on the floor of the U.S. Senate. He's also been described as America's greatest living satirist, mentioned in the same breath as Mark Twain and Ambrose Bierce.

As I've mentioned once or twice in the past, I think Stephen Colbert and especially Jon Stewart may be gaining on him; I think they're national treasures. But they've still only been doing it for a handful of years against his 30+.

But I like the "episodic comic novel" conceit. Makes him sound a little like Dickens-a comparison he'd no doubt disavow, but which doesn't seem to me completely wrongheaded.

LIKE ANY SATIRIST WHOSE WORK ENDURES, Trudeau has been right about a lot of things. From the moment that hippie college deejay Mark Slackmeyer looked at the reader and gleefully declared that an as-yet-unindicted Attorney General John Mitchell was "Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!" Trudeau has shown a world-class instinct for piercing a babble of crosstalk and nailing the truth. He was right about Vietnam (When a conservative columnist said that he saw a "a light at the end of a tunnel," Michael asked him: "When you've dug yourself into a hole, why do you always insist on calling it a tunnel?"). Trudeau was right about the greed of '80s big business, about the cynicism of the marketing industry, about Bill Clinton's flippy-flop, polls-based approach to governance ("Doonesbury" regularly portrayed Clinton as a greasy waffle).

"Occasionally, people accuse me of courage," he says. "And that's wrong. I'm sitting on a perch of safety. Cartoonists have a tar-baby immunity. The more people react to us, and the more angrily they react, the better it is for us. So we're invulnerable. It just doesn't seem fair."

Incidentally, here's where I show what a "Doonesbury"-nerd I am. Near the end of the profile the writer looks at a strip in which

B.D. appears to be considering cheating on Boopsie, which hasn't happened to our knowledge in 20-plus years of an eccentric but strong marriage.

B.D. cheated on Boopsie during his service in the first Gulf War, with a girl named Meg. They broke it off when she learned she was his superior officer but, after he'd come home, she returned to make a play for him and almost broke up said "eccentric but strong marriage."

When I say nerd, I mean nerd.

Fooled into falling in love!

I almost didn't even know what to say about this one. But there's obviously more to the story...

Sailor kills Marine after lie about rape

Petty Officer 3rd Class Cooper Jackson, 23, pleaded guilty Monday to premeditated murder, kidnapping, impersonating a Naval Criminal Investigative Service agent and obstruction of justice in connection with the death of Cpl. Justin L. Huff, 23.

Federal agents had testified at his Article 32 hearing, the military equivalent of a grand jury investigation, that Jackson had been fooled into falling in love with a woman who called herself Samantha and made up a story about being raped by servicemen.

"Samantha" turned out to be Ashley Elrod, a 22-year-old hotel clerk on North Carolina's Outer Banks, who testified that she lied about being raped. She said she "might have" told Jackson that one of the Marines was named Huff or Huffman, and she said Jackson called her after Huff was killed. Elrod has not been charged.

Murder committed in the name of what was thought to be love but turns out to be a lie told by an apparent femme fatale.

It's a freaking pulp novel. Even the words-

"Fooled into falling in love!"

-belong on the back of a paperback.

Or on a film noir poster, with a glamour shot of the female lead staring agonizingly out at us. I see Nora-Jane Noone or Leelee Sobieski in the part. I mean, they could certainly convince me to kill a man...

Random Flickr-Blogging: IMG_3355: Two how I feel, one what I need

How I feel:





Sources: One and two. And now, what I need:

It's not revenge, it's justice. Repeat. And again.

I thought the profile of Nancy Pelosi that Lesley Stahl did on 60 Minutes tonight came off as an attempted smear that backfired. It was packed with sly sexism and loaded, juicy words like "revenge" but in the process, it made her look a lot better (to me) than may have been intended..

Well, she’s certainly brought order to the Democrats. She has insisted on no more bickering in public and just saying "no" to nearly everything that comes out of the Bush White House. In other words, party discipline: kind of like the Republicans do it. As a result, Democrats now vote together more often than they have since Eisenhower was president. How has someone so clearly not one of the boys managed to keep them in line?

Maybe Democrats aren't all cynical hypocrites who are afraid of catching cooties from a girl (especially if she's competent).

It ended with an attempt to get the Democratic leader to pledge-again-that should her party find itself in a position of power in a couple of weeks, they will not hurt Bush too much. He's already been through a lot, poor guy.

She has pledged that as Speaker she would give the Republicans rights they’ve denied the Democrats, like allowing them to introduce amendments to bills. But she may have trouble reining in the Democrats’ appetite for revenge. There’s already talk of multiple investigations and impeachment of the president.

As I've expressed before, few things make me angrier-or better explain why I don't watch TV news much-than the idea that the motivation for coming down on Bush and Cheney can be attributed to "revenge". No, they have committed crimes. It's not revenge, it's justice.

That said, it gave Pelosi a chance to put her justification for taking impeachment off the table better than I have previously seen it expressed.

This election is about [George Bush & Dick Cheney]. This is a referendum on them. Making them lame ducks is good enough for me."

It's not good enough for me-my "good enough" involves jail time, but I'm not completely naieve-but at least it does make me feel I better understand the political position that Pelosi is taking.