Sean vs. Sean.

Okay, so we know that Sean Hannity is an ideologue with anger management problems. That's a given. But did you know that he's also a master of absurdity on par with Dan Aykroyd at the height of his powers? Observe.

On the January 7 inaugural broadcast of Fox News' Hannity's America, host Sean Hannity named actor Sean Penn, who Hannity described as an "actor, activist, and all-around very angry man," as his first "Enemy of the State" for, among other offenses, calling Hannity a "whore," and for "call[ing] for the impeachment of just about everybody in the Bush administration and call[ing] them 'bastards.' " Despite designating Penn an "Enemy of the State," Hannity then said, "Now, Penn can say whatever he wants." Hannity then invited Penn to appear on Hannity's America "to sit in the hot seat and defend his outlandish comments." Hannity also wondered: "Who does this guy speak for? Who does he represent, other than other bad actors?"
-via Media Matters

Other "bad" actors. Sean Penn. Other "bad" actors. Mystic River. Fast Times at fucking Ridgemont High, for chrissakes. Casualties of War. Carlito's Way. Taps (which has been on cable lately, and held up amazingly well over the years).

That Sean Penn.

Sean Penn, bad actor.

What?

Sean Penn, bad poet, absolutely ("my partners and me are/fired to fight/so bloody unchristmas/is the violent night"). Though he turned out to be not so much of a bad essayist, at least. I haven't seen any of the films he wrote or directed so I can't speak to them.

Sean Penn, bad husband? Quite possibly, based on what you hear in the media, but I've never been married to him.

Sean Penn, bad person to try to take a photograph of? Yes, once, but he's doing much better now.

Sean Penn, bad driver? See above.

But he's a fucking phemomenal actor by most standards. He even won the Academy Award for Mystic River.

With critical perception like that, Sean Hannity's next move is assured. He should be sitting across from Richard Roeper any time now, filling in for the still-recovering Roger Ebert. For god's sake, Roger, get well soon, to insure I'm only kidding.