5 Questions from the Samurai Frog

The latest meme that all the cool kids are doing has an interview theme. At Electronic Cerebrectomy, SF took his turn center stage on the mike, then threw the floor open to candidates.

I wanted to see what kind of questions I would get ("What others reproach you for, cultivate; it is yourself." - Jean Cocteau) so I volunteered.

Here's what I got.

1. You take a lot of quizzes on line. What have you
learned about yourself that was surprising or
something you hadn’t considered?


Assuming, in the spirit of the interview and the quizzes that we take them seriously...I was surprised to learn that the Peanuts character I "am" was Rerun. As I said at the time, I always saw myself more as Charlie Brown, Snoopy or Linus.



Being called a post-punk indy kid came as a surprise, too. I'm a totally tubular '80s child, damnit.

This one didn't surprise me personally, but Johnny Bacardi took the sex role inventory test recently and turns out, he's even girlier than me.

I already talked about my surprise at the R rating...Some just amuse me. Most recently, my alleged soul match with Frida Kahlo and Eva "Evita" Peron did, not least because I know Madonna wanted badly to to play Kahlo, too (but they decided they's rather go with an actress).

And the fact that two separate quizzes have now said I'm Catwoman. I guess someone really wants to see me in that suit. On the extra arm, three out of four online quizzes said I would be Zaphod Beeblebrox, which seems like a consensus.

This wasn't a quiz, but a handful of the celebrity lookalikes certainly took me by surprise (Andre Braugher?).

But I suppose I was most surprised to learn that, if the quizzes are correct, "my type of girl" is a girl-next-door type with the face of a young Britney Spears and the body of Angelina Jolie. I do like Jolie's shape, or rather I did a year ago when I took that quiz (which I never posted here, so don't look for it).

That was before she started getting so much thinner lately...

But I can't say that, without the scientific accuracy that is online quizzes, I would have named her body as my number-one example of perfection.

Of course, as we all know, the real PWFMA is Maura Tierney.

Oh, and Jimmy Stewart caught me off-guard. As did Tom Waits.

Finally, I must thank you, SF, for sending me looking for some of those quizzes. I had completely forgotten about being told I was Tyra Banks.



You'd think that would stay with you.

2. I don’t get out of the house, yet I crave human
contact, so I get online. What drove you to start
blogging in the first place?

Well, the boring (though true) answer is that I was offered a place to blog by the Ink 19 site, where I used to be an editor and reviewer ( I do still review occasionally). What keeps me blogging, though, is the chance:

The chance to record my depressing attempts to bring my characters to a wide audience.

To write about people and things that are important to me, and share them when I can.

To indulge myself with occasional political thought (though that's been a lot more rare lately).

To make people laugh (not that I can hear them).

And, of course, to mock Tennessee.

3. You have an appreciation for beautiful women.
(this part of the question made me want to make like Pat Stevens on the SNL of 20 years ago: Thank you!)
What’s the sexiest part of a woman’s body?

Not to make myself out to be sensitive new age guy or anything but the truth is, it depends on the woman.



Some women are sexiest with their face and eyes, especially if they radiate an amused intelligence that makes it seem like they know how to receive, give, and enjoy pleasure.

Christa Miller-before all the Botox-would be an example of this kind of sexy.

Like most men I'm a fan of big breasts, but I don't think I fetishise them to the extent that some do.

I hate silicone and all other makes of fake boobs which only call attention to how fake they are. I think my being repelled by augmented breasts was shaped by a girl I used to know who did in fact become a minor porn star.

She had absolutely perfect breasts (IMO) that she chose to turn into something...frightening.



I hate most kinds of remodeling and refurbishing of that sort, actually. Look at what people like Demi Moore and Lindsay Lohan do to themselves, and compare their results to someone like Uma Thurman.



I hate, in a way, to talk as though I can separate out what parts of a woman's body interest and excite me. Because the truth is also that it's the whole package, including the way she talks, what she says, whether or not she feels comfortable with her body. Whether she herself is thrilled to be giving you a thrill.



And there'll always be something to watching a good-looking woman walk away.



(for some reason, it also seems to help if they had a spy or two in their past...)

4. What cartoon character do you most identify with?

It changes, of course.

Duckman (still overdue on DVD!) would be one.

Sylvester the Cat would be another sometimes, but only in the cartoons where Porky leaves him alone to be terrorized.

Kuzco in The Emperors' New Groove is arrogant and cynical, a smart ass, single-minded and selfish. So it's no wonder I don't identify with him at all. Or Dan Backslide.

I also identify sometimes with Dr. Zoidberg on Futurama, which probably doesn't say much for my self-esteem. Oh, and Lisa Simpson. Her grace kills me.

5. Given the choice, how would you spend eternity?

Hmmmm...how to answer this? Should I be grand and say I'd spend it at a neverending dance, to the masterful tunes of Kern, Berlin, Hammerstein, Gershwin, Porter, Coleman and Rogers?



Because the truth is I would enjoy that, especially with classy dames like the above to dance with.

Or should I be common (but humble) and admit it would involve Ginger Lynn...





...Kristine DeBell and a desert island with a freshwater stream and lots of fruit but absolutely no hope of rescue?

Here's looking at the rules, sweetheart:

Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the
questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them
five questions.